Grieving and Healing from the passing of someone you Dearly LOVE…

October 21, 2017

Re-Syndicated

Grieving and Healing from the passing of someone you Dearly LOVE…

Whenever a friend would tell me their parent(s) passed away I would say something like, “I’m so sorry to hear that. I still have both of my parents so I have no idea what that feels like. I know there is nothing I can do that will prepare me for when I no longer have them and it terrifies me to think about it.” And then id turn it back to them letting them know I’m here for them even if just to listen because I don’t know what to say that could possibly help.

Now I’m on that other side of the fence that I never wanted to be on. It’s been 8 days since the passing of my father on oct 13th 2017. 3 days since my fathers funeral.

I feel disoriented, lost, like the universe is re arranging everything, light headed sometimes, constant pressure on my chest and knots in my tummy that won’t go away. I will never be the same. But never being the same is always true. This change of never being the same again is exponentially greater than other constant changes. A friend shared some advice with me that I believe I will start to share with friends who lose a parent or anyone really close to them. If you can allow feeling his or her soul closer to you rather than his or her body at this time it may help. Yes, I think that does help. We identify visually with our loved ones their temporary bodies that they occupy because it’s all we’ve ever known them to occupy. When they shed their very limited fleshly body they become truly free in their Light Form. Is there anything more liberating than that?

I’m happy for my dad that he is free now. Truly free. Even if you occupy a healthy body its still very limiting. My dad occupied a body that required an oxygen feed 24/7. His lungs were shot. His body was limiting him more than the average body but his spirit was so strong he still played poker, he still went on a cruise, he still went to Las Vegas, still got on an airplane, still lived life and wanted to do things despite struggling to breath.

I’m happy for my dad but sad for me because I’m here still in my temporary limited fleshly body missing my dad. I can’t wait to shed my body so I can see my dad again but at the same time I want to enjoy life in my temporary body and live the best life I can because my dad wants that.

I want the pressure in my chest to go away and the knots in my tummy to loosen. I want to feel my dads soul closer to me rather than his body.

If this helps you grieve the passing of someone close to you or if you have friends who you think this might help please feel free to share this around.

I love you friends and family and I love your friends and family, too.

Tom

p.s. ALWAYS leave on a positive note NO MATTER WHAT WAS SAID BEFORE because you never know when someone is going to pass even if they seem completely healthy and safe. Always spend the time you want to spend with people you love. The last thing I said to my dad, just four and a half hours before he passed away and totally coherent and not knowing this would be the last, “… I’ll see you again shortly ok?” to which he nodded yes and gave me a quick wave. I literally spent more time with my parents than at my home for years. When my dad was in the hospital for the last time I was up there visiting up 2 or 3 times every day for 12 days. I made sure we ended each visit on a good note for the last number of YEARS each and every time and still do with my mom. Please make sure you are doing something similar, ok?

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Patty Hannan My condolences 

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October 21 at 10:37am

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Tom Birkenmeyer Thank you. Im adding a p.s. right now that I just thought of.

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ReplyOctober 21 at 10:38am

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Lisa Carbonara Beautiful post Tom.  You are helping others through your soul writing .

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October 21 at 10:38am

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Lucia Cook My sincere condolences to you dear Tom!

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ReplyOctober 21 at 10:41am

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Tom Birkenmeyer I just added a VERY IMPORTANT P.S. at the end of my post. Please read it.

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October 21 at 10:42am

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Terrie Wendricks That is such a very very True ps so glad you expressed it I do that all the time also with my family as you truely never know …..we lost our father when he was only 58 ……so sorry for your loss hugssss and you did it best with all your heart and soul 

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October 21 at 1:48pm

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Jessica Franz I lost my father in 2009 .. the pain is like no other

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ReplyOctober 21 at 10:45am

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Tom Birkenmeyer Thats my experience too Jessica Franz. There is nothing like the passing of a parent that you are close to.

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October 21 at 10:46am

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Jessica Franz I still cry over my dad

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ReplyOctober 21 at 10:52am

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Cher Ann My parents are my best friends. I talk to them at least twice a day on the phone and try to go see them every couple of weeks. We video chat a lot too. I get sick at the thought of losing them so, just know that I appreciate your words, and I’m going to keep that in mind when something happens to my parents one day. Thank you Tom, and there is nothing I can say to make your pain any better, but I am sending you love and light

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ReplyOctober 21 at 10:48amEdited

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Dee Poulson Wish I could have had your writings before me when my beloved mom passed. You are truly an incredible soul, Tom Birkenmeyer

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ReplyOctober 21 at 10:48am

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Dee Poulson replied5 Replies

Kelly Taylor Rogers You are a modern sage, sweetie…blessed be the healers…especially when they are hurting so bad themselves. 💚

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October 21 at 10:49amEdited

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Clarissa Winchester Allowing the happy memories you have of him to bring you comfort does help. It kept me laughing more than crying when I lost my daddy three days before Christmas in 2000. I will share that as long as you know he’s watching over you guys with love…. 💜💜💜

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ReplyOctober 21 at 10:50am

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Tom Birkenmeyer replied1 Reply

Tom Birkenmeyer Cher Ann I am so glad you are taking my p.s. at the end seriously and that you already have been but you’re going to be even more conscious about it now.

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October 21 at 10:51am

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Cher Ann replied3 Replies

Ina Holiday I lost mt Dad last year- I still cant believe he’s gone…x

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ReplyOctober 21 at 10:53am

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Tom Birkenmeyer replied1 Reply

Alexis Jackson Touching post my Dad passed almost 17 years ago and my heart still gets heavy occasionally. All I can say the sorrow still exists but it gets lighter with time. Hugs and kisses

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October 21 at 10:54am

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Joyce Wingate Boyden replied2 Replies

Shannon Ramey My father passed away on Oct 10th. I’m so sorry for your loss… just know that I DO fedl your pain. As I have lost both my parents now. I feel like an orphan…

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Tom Birkenmeyer replied1 Reply

Judy Ann Skau Chapman I send my heartfelt and sincere condolences to you and your family and I do know the pain about losing a parent I lost both my parents and then I lost child so I do know the pain you’re feeling…

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October 21 at 11:02amEdited

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Bonnie McDonough My mom said she felt closer to her mom after my grandma passed because her spirit could be right next to her whereas her body couldn’t be when she was alive.

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October 21 at 11:24am

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Colleen Rasmussen Much love to you, brother, in your time of healing. I am sorry for your loss.💚

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ReplyOctober 21 at 11:31am

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Wendy Faas Phillips Love and prayers Tom!

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ReplyOctober 21 at 11:38am

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Karen Wood Sent you a vox message.

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ReplyOctober 21 at 11:55am

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Carol Nace Lost my first parent in January. Learning that you never get over the grief, but more like you get through it. The literal heart aches can come and go, eased by deep meditation and crying. Also healed by taking Ashoka, an herb that means “no grief”, releasing the physical pains of going through such a loss.

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Carolyn Clapper Tom, as someone who lost both of her parents within 6 months of eachother when I was only 30, I understand. As your friend, and someone who has been through similar circumstances and watched both of her parents disintegrate slowly before her eyes, I know that there are no words that can relieve you of that pain, or erase the marks that that has left on your soul.

I just wanted to let you know that I’m here for you if you need anything. I guess I’ve been trying to keep my distance a little in this because I am a medium, and whenever I talk to someone who’s just lost someone close to them they always come through right away, and I don’t want to put that burden on either of us when you are not asking for it. But, that being said, whenever you’re ready I’m here.

Sending you loads of Love, strength, support, and healing energy (((((😇💙😇))))—>>> he’s with you more now than he could be when he was struggling. He’s not gone, just in a different form now.

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October 21 at 12:12pm

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Cheryl Nye I know exactly what you are going through, Tom…..My heart goes out to you and your family……My heartfelt prayers and sympathies to you. Always know that your passed loved ones are around you every day….guiding, and watching over you… The strong bonds of love we share with our parents never end …. 

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October 21 at 12:15pm

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Susan Van Rensselaer I do know how you feel. Sometimes I feel like something is so heavy in my chest, tummy in knots, and tears. Felt like my world ended when I woke up and my son was off color. Called 911 even though I tried to get him to breathe and they were there in less thao 5 minutes. Hardest day of my life, I never had so much pain in my life. Totally heartbroken. Before I went to bed he was happy. Wished me Happy Birthday, told me that he got his good paying job back, took his daughter bowling, showed me a pic of his new girlfriend, said I love you mom, and I said I love you. His friend that I do not want him to hang with was here. My son told me he had to get up at 5a.m. So I set the alarm and went to bed. Somewhere between 2a.m. And 4:45a.m. My son died. His friend left before I got up. My son was only 28. I am the parent, kids are not suppose to die first. Then not even 2 weeks later my mom dies. It has been a little over 2 months and I still feel a void in my life. My mom was 78 and got to grow old and go naturally.

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October 21 at 12:26pm

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Lisa Sladek replied1 Reply
Suze Stedino Thank you. That was beautiful.
You are fortunate to have a belief structure that will help you understand. Death is not an ending

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Susan Van Rensselaer At times when I am alone and crying it feels like someone put a hand on my shoulder and I hear my son say it will be okay. He has walked with his sister in her dreams. He was always helping people and I am sure that God knew that he had a good heart. Maybe my brother that I lost 9 years ago, son, and mom greeted your dad in heaven. Your dad is getting to hear some gond jokes and stories if he is talking to my son. I still have Dustin My Boy on speed dial. It does not get easier but remember all the advise and good times. In spirit our loved ones are always there and they love us. Someday we will be with them but right now we are needed

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October 21 at 12:44pm

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Candis Lehnigk Beautifully said! Still have both my parents so dont know what you are going thru. Although I dont get to see my dad much!
My heart goes out to you!
Hugs!

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ReplyOctober 21 at 12:56pmEdited

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Candis Lehnigk replied5 Replies

Venus Perez Villars I lost my daughter who was only 24yrs old a month ago…The pain will fade but you will always remember them…My condolences.

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Susan Van Rensselaer replied1 Reply

Mahala Spann Thank you for sharing. So heartfelt.

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Jana Stillings I know it doesn’t help much, but I have not only always thought, but actually felt that those we love & are closest to never leave us. It takes time & healing, but if you allow yourself, you will be able to feel their presence & know they are there. Take care & be well my friend.

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October 21 at 3:25pm

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Beverly Gordon Norman Well said, Tom. I’ve never been in this situation and I appreciate your bravery in sharing how it really feels to loose your dad. I’m so very sorry you are suffering through this.
I try my best to tell my parents every day that I love them and I try to show that love by helping them out when ever I can. Your advise is on point. It’s very important to tell those we love how we feel and show them that love whenever possible. ❤️

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Michelle BowenPsychic Ive felt this since losing my Dad hun four years ago. My stepdad two years ago. The world is never ever the same. We are conscious of a part of us no longer being on the earth. Sending love. 💝

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Karen Shunk Tom, you might like to read Mark Anthony the Psychic Lawyer’s book “Never Letting Go”. It brings incredible peace to the grieving.

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Donna Marie Oh Tom I’m so sorry for your loss ! (((Hugs)))

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ReplyOctober 21 at 9:19pm

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Linda Simon Yes i will
And i have no words to comfort you. I lost both of my parents many years ago bit i left them on a good note. Strange my dad on his last breath “i will see you later”

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October 21 at 10:35pm

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Ileana Hope Merritt-Nairi Tom I wish I could lift your pain but I know you will find the blessings as it takes you deeper into your own soul …I can however offer this for the knots and pressure in your chest because when my son died I could literately hear my heart screaming (instantly knowing the deeper meaning of the primal scream). The knots I had were like wrenched balls of energy that would move to different parts of my chest…there was nothing I could do but feel it and pray to God or ask the Universe to lift it (or whatever higher power you resonate with by any name)…I repeated my mantra Please lord lift this from me….over & over…The sound and intensity of energy did lift within 2 days…Grieving is another story as everyone is different and does so in their own way…all I will say about that is the best way to honor them is to honor and love yourself as they would have you, then honor others- be gentle with you and I am here for you if you need to talk x0x

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October 22 at 2:57am

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Tom Birkenmeyer replied1 Reply

Kerry Prudles I still have both my adoptive parents and blessed. All you thst have lost your parents my hear breaks for you and I know when the time comes I will be inconsolable

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Tom Birkenmeyer replied1 Reply

Crystal Church Sending good thought and positive vibes. May your dad rest in peace

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Leesa Jones I lost my father in 1999 it is hard to believe it was over 17 years ago. Next to my husband, my dad was my best friend . I found it easier to talk to my dad then my mom so he was the one I went to. I miss him. There isn’t anything anyone can really do but try to comfort their friends. I hope you can find peace and comfort being near friends and other family members.

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ReplyOctober 22 at 7:29amEdited

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Tom Birkenmeyer replied3 Replies

Lisa Sladek Tom, I can relate with what you are going through. My Dad passed this last April 19th… two days short of his 78th Bday. He also got full military honors, as he was a Marine and fought in Vietnam. Well after that he and my Mom had us 3 kids.. I was the youngest and was 3 years old when my Mom left. My sister is 10 years older than me and my brother is 12 years older, so they were quite close. I was Daddy’s little girl from day one. So he raised 3 kids on his own. He was my everything.. I’ve had this man in my life for 43 years every single day. I lived with him, and when I got a good job and he lost his wages at Chrysler, he lived with me. He was an alcoholic and I knew way back then, that he would just have drank himself to death. My brother and sister moved on… had their own families and their answer was always to put him in a nursing home. I could and would never even hear of that. So I just continued to take care of him… I had failed relationships.. also had 2 beautiful sons, and I was working full time made good money, bought a house and my dad was always with me. My youngest son’s father and I were together for 15 years so he actually knew my Dad and understood that no matter what he was part of my package. Well then at the age of 32 bam I had my first seizure. And on and on diagnosed with Epilepsy. No longer able to work and my now ex couldn’t handle my illness anymore. But my Dad sure never left my side.. not even once!! He was the best person in the world to me as a little girl and as a woman… and I’m so thankful my boys got to know him so good.. now the tears fall as I type this. I miss him every single day… I still cry every single day. It’s now been 11 years living with Epilepsy and I’ve been to so many doctors and 6 Specialists all over the place, I’ve tried every medication, eating healthy, and the seizures still come. I began to lose my faith a few years back because of my health, and my Dad would always say don’t worry honey… I have enough for both of us. So I’m trying so hard to find that again because this truly is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to go through in my life! My 8 year old will say so many wonderful things he remembers with tears in his eyes and I automatically cry, I can’t even try to hold the tears back. They just fall. This man was my hero, the center of my life, both parents in one, meant the world to me… and now he’s gone. Ugh it has not gotten any easier.. I’m just being honest because I’m not one to lie (something he taught me as a little girl) I now believe that it won’t get easier, we just learn to live with the pain and the void in our heart… I wish the best for you to heal and to believe in something positive to get through this.. believe me when I say… I am now trying my best to get my beliefs back into my heart as he died with his undying faith. Xoxo

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October 22 at 10:11amEdited

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Tom Birkenmeyer replied4 Replies

Johanna Anderson Thank you for sharing whats in my heart and touching my soul. xx

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October 22 at 1:24pm

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Kimberly Hall Hugs!

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October 22 at 7:52pm

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Katy S Dougherty You are not alone in your fear of losing a parent/ parents…

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Reply19 hrs

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Tom Birkenmeyer replied1 Reply

Holland Sybilla Sorry for your loss. My prayers go out to you.

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10 hrs

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