When the Dr. Says, “Can I be honest with you?” You know it’s emotionally hard news you’re about to hear.
I don’t know what to do with myself. I’m writing a lot. I’m making videos. I’m playing my guitar a lot. I’m visiting with my family a lot.
I can’t sit still and let my brain start thinking. If I let my mind wonder too much I start crying. Sometimes I start crying anyway even if I’m doing something productive with my mind.
I’m writing this more for me than you. I really love making all kinds of different videos and blogs about health and money that others can use for their own benefit. Half of it all is for my own therapy. Right now I’m writing all for my own therapy.
“sink or swim” is echoing through my brain right now. I hope its swim. I’m not ready for “sink”. No matter when it happens I’ll never be ready for “sink” even if all this ends up being “swim” because eventually swim will turn to sink if not now then down the road. I’ll probably never be ready for “sink” but I began accepting it probably about twenty years ago. Twenty years of accepting it I’m still not ready for when it does finally happen.
Life is something. My appetite is non existent at the moment. I’m living on my super food shakes. I’m holding up pretty good actually. I even have a really good friend visiting from out of town. I’m really looking forward to seeing her. She’s not here for any of this. Just visiting because.
Say what you want about facebook. I’m so glad it exists. It’s a wonderful sounding board for anything you want. It’s a place you can meet people all over the world. For all that is wrong with facebook and for all the drama that people create facebook is worth having because I choose how I use this thing and how I participate in it and with who I am social with.
I totally get it that it’s not for everyone. My biological mom and dad are not even on facebook.
My real mom and dad are on facebook a little bit but not a whole lot.
Then there is me. I am on it every day and there is not much I don’t share no matter how embarrassing and dumb some of my moments are. I like to empathize with other people that I like and I think it would be difficult to connect with other people if I wasn’t transparent about myself in ALL ways.
I crave Human Solidarity. We all crave it. I don’t connect with other people very well. I’ve always had a hard time making friends, especially new ones, and sometimes hanging onto old friends. Facebook has made it easier for me to make friends and find more human solidarity. When I’m up and things are going good I love to talk about it. When things are down and things are not going good I NEED to express it, somehow, and I don’t really know how yet because it’s emotionally hard anyway.
It’s funny about me.. I typically don’t want to talk about it when I’m sad or depressed. I tend to internalize it and work through it on my own. I NEVER want to bring someone down with me. So I don’t. Typing it up in something like this, or making a video, and then publishing it to the internet where anyone in the world can see it actually helps me cope with sadness more than talking to a person about it.
I think that’s kind of weird and I don’t know how I feel about that but since it’s not hurting anything I’m just going to keep going with that.
Sink or Swim. It’s still echoing in my brain. I don’t know what’s going to happen. It could go one way or the other. Sink or Swim really does brilliantly simplify it and sums it all up.
I can’t talk about specifics for privacy respect. Someone I love dearly is fighting for their life.
Sink or Swim.
Human solidarity.
Spend time with everyone you love while they are living. I am. No Regrets about that. When we are alive is when our presence counts. Cannot wait to spend time with a loved one because time will run out for each of us it’s the only guarantee we have.
That’s the way it is.
Even still there is going to be crying and sadness.
I can’t imagine waiting to spend real time with someone I love til after they’ve passed on to the next. omg I can’t wait.
Tom
October 11, 2017
Re-Syndicated