I witnessed something last night that left me furious – not just at the perpetrator, but at the bystanders who enable this behavior. It’s a story that perfectly illustrates why women can’t enjoy a simple night out without facing harassment, and why other men need to step up.
I was out with my girlfriend when I noticed something was wrong. A man in his seventies had approached her, touching her without consent while trying to convince her to go somewhere else for drinks. When she told him she was there with her boyfriend, his response was chilling: “I don’t give a fuck.” Even after she firmly told him to stop, he persisted.
As soon as I realized what was happening, I moved closer to check on her. That’s when we noticed the same man had already moved on to his next target – another woman who was visibly uncomfortable as he touched her without permission. My girlfriend immediately rushed over to intervene, asking the woman if she felt uncomfortable. She did.
I approached the man calmly but firmly. “You need to stop touching women without their consent,” I told him. “If you keep this up, someone’s going to seriously hurt you.” I kept my voice level and controlled – my goal wasn’t to escalate but to make it clear his behavior was unacceptable.
His response? Like a teenager full of misplaced bravado, this septuagenarian started hurling obscenities at me. I didn’t flinch. I didn’t take his bait for a physical confrontation. I stood my ground.
But what happened next was even more disturbing.
Another patron stepped in – not to help stop the harassment, but to defend the harasser. “Oh, that’s just how he is,” he said with a laugh, extending a friendly handshake to the older man. “He’s here all the time.” I watched in disgust as the harasser’s face lit up with a smug grin, his behavior now publicly validated by another man.
This moment infuriated me more than the initial harassment. Here was a perfect opportunity for another man to stand up, to say “This isn’t okay,” to help create change. Instead, he chose to be part of the problem.
To every man reading this: We have a responsibility. When we see harassment, we must act. When we witness inappropriate touching or aggressive behavior, we must intervene safely. When other men try to normalize this behavior, we must challenge them. Calling the police is always an option if safety is at risk.
After ensuring the second woman was safe, my girlfriend and I left. We knew these men wouldn’t be swayed by moral arguments, and further engagement would only lead to escalation. Sometimes walking away is the wisest choice, especially when you’ve already made your stand.
But I can’t stop thinking about that second man – the enabler. His actions ensure that harassers like the first man will never change, will never face consequences, will never see their behavior as wrong. And that’s why the cycle continues.
Men, we need to do better. Not just in confronting harassers, but in confronting those who excuse and enable harassment. Only then can we hope to make nights out safer for everyone.