About Tom

Building a Dream...

Good spirited playful banter is the answer

The question is, what builds real attraction and chemistry more powerfully than anything including anything sexual?

Nothing tops building attraction more than two people who are so well connected to themselves that they can connect to each other through healthy playful banter.

Being able to banter with someone says a lot about who you are. It’s much deeper than just the banter. It reveals your emotional intelligence, wisdom, if you’re quick thinking, witty, creative, not boring, playful, emotionally attractive, intellectually strong, if you have confidence, maturity, and on and on. The ability to Banter in a playful healthy way cannot be overstated.

Banter is also the best Segway into getting to know you kind of conversation with somebody because now you’re emotionally mutually invested for a much more meaningful get to know you kind of conversation.

If everything is always logical and feels more like an interview the connection is boring. There is no sex appeal to that. Having a good balance of banter and logical getting to know you type conversation is exciting and arousing.

Most people do not have a healthy connection with themselves which has created a toxic unhealthy dating pool with very few exceptions.

So few people realize the importance of playful banter and the balance of that with logical getting to know you type of conversation.

This isn’t true just for romantic connections but also friendships and relationships of all kinds.

What are your thoughts and opinions of this? How important is a well balanced conversation of playful banter and logistical? Have you been with potential dating prospects that are all logistical and you found yourself bored out of your mind but wasn’t sure why?


Fish out of Water

Damn I have some vulnerabilities..

I am a fish out of water on and off the dance floor.

I love dancing with a partner but I have to force myself or I’ll never ask anyone to dance.

I put myself in social settings most nights of every week but it’s more comfortable for me to stay home.

“What the fuck was that?” I silently ask myself after dancing with my follows.

Once in a while I feel a rewarding connection with a follow but it’s only temporary. When I ask that same follow for a dance at the next social that connection is no longer there.

In social settings I rarely ever vibe so I just observe and redirect where I do vibe. I will change venues and locales without notice or communication until I vibe or until I would rather go home.

One on one interactions tend to be more meaningful with depth and clarity but those are temporary too.

Why do I perpetually put myself in these circumstances?

I want to grow, learn, expand my understanding, and most of all I genuinely love dancing and being in social settings even through feeling like a fish out of water.

My motivation is curiosity. “Let’s see what happens” is my backstop and my mantra. Do I want to ask this lady to dance? Let’s see what happens. Do I want to go to this social event? Let’s see what happens. I’m perfectly fine leaving anytime I wish and I often do.

Do I feel like I belong on planet earth?


But, let’s see what happens.


Growing numbers of people are isolated, unincluded, disoriented, unloved, and unheard.

People are at the end of their ropes in extreme despair and an existence of torture.

Love Is Never enough. People are hardwired to feel included, loved, and heard.

Relationships of all kinds are supposed to be nurtured, not neglected with the well-meaning intention of getting around to it “someday”.

Over busyness and using technological advances to create further isolation are formidable enemies to The Human Condition.

People are the problem and solution.

The homosapian brain is the most advanced brain of any species in the history of planet Earth and an argument can easily be made that we’ve collectively wasted it.


Ever since I updated my profile pic, cover pic, and intro section I’m getting these private messages from women telling me how full of myself, narcissistic, and ego-centric I am.

So, I’ve decided I’m keeping these 3 items exactly how they are for the time being <3 Love and appreciation to the women who love and appreciate men with standards.

I feel like the existence of my facebook profile is doing a lot of the heavy lifting for me. That’s what I call good leverage that frees up more time to focus my energy on who and where it matters.

The rampid widespread bad behavior of women in the dating pool is a daily reminder of how important it is to screen and filter before even setting up a date. I’m sure this is true for women also. If you’re a man or a woman you have to have clear standards that does not tolerate the bad behavior. I’ve never been on a date that was not fun because I do a good job at weeding out the bad dates before they have a chance to happen. Thank goodness. So yes, a mad love shout out to women with standards who also love men with standards.

Always be yourself. Let the wrong people weed themselves out and they will <3


I have not dated anyone in the dance community and here are 3 reasons why

“Tom! You dance with all those gorgeous ladies in the videos you post and you’ve got so much going for you how are you still single? Why are you not dating any of those gorgeous ladies in the videos you’re dancing with???”

I’m commonly asked this very valid question and I have a really great answer.

The studio I go to for most of my dance lessons is a tight community. They are friendly and welcoming to new people. This is special because communities that are tight are typically not as accepting and welcoming of people outside of their already existing community. This context is needed for my answer.

There are three reasons I haven’t dated anyone in the dance community. In no particular order..

  1. I want to keep the dance community a safe sanctuary type of place. For obvious reasons dating can cause awkward and uncomfortable situations in an area where we are all dancing with each other and often times very up close in our personal spaces. Some of the partner combos we rotate through with each other are very sensual with lots of body connection points. There is chest to chest contact, hip to hip contact, tracing of the arms in a sensual demeanor etc. If someones heart gets broken it can make it extremely difficult to heal from in an environment like this. It would flat out suck if someone has to decide between dance or healing if they cannot be done simultaneously. It could also create gossip, people talking behind each others backs, and people taking sides and splintering off from the community that was once whole.
  2. Over the past 10 months I have had several surface level crushes. Some of them I might even take some risk and ask out on a date if not for the rationale I just gave. I’ve received some indications from some of the ladies but nothing strong enough to warrant asking any of them out. In that particular safe environment I need a woman to send me strong indicators that she would be enthusiastic about me asking her out or I’m not going to do it, period.
  3. I’ve never been asked out! That’s pretty straight forward. It would be great if more girls did the initiating and the asking but unfortunately in our culture most of the time it’s up to the man. If I’m enthusiastically interested in the woman asking me out I’m going to enthusiastically say yes. This is all true in and outside of the dance community.

In summation, I want to do my part in keeping the dance community a safe environment for everyone who is passionate about dancing. However, if there is a strong enough connection with a woman, I am a romantic, I will absolutely ask her out on a real date and she will be one exceedingly happy lady being invited into my exciting life that I’ve built on purpose. There is no doubt!

I hope you got some great insight into the workings of my brain. Not just in direct answer to the posed question but some of my driving philosophies in dating and in romance at large.

Feel free to share this and I would love your feedback in the comments. Am a taking the right precautions in your opinion given the nature of the dance environment I described? Would you ask someone out less cautiously than me? Would you be even more cautious than me even if you’re really interested in someone and you are getting indicators from them as well? How would you operate here? I would love to know. Maybe your method of operation will help me fine tune mine or others reading in the comments as well. My favorite positive about the comments section is it’s always an opportunity for people to help and support each other.

Orgasmic pathways dot com is my website. Orgasmic pathways dot com. Natural health, healthy recipes, fitness, music, dance, philosophy, and whatever else I feel like.

Bye for now!


Rules and simps around dating is meant for playing games and manipulating human emotions

You’re a “simp” if you do this. Don’t do that or you’re a simp! Lots of rules to follow to avoid being a simp! You know what an actual simp is? A man (or woman!) who chases after someone who has pulled away.

They say don’t send a woman a good morning text because only simps do that. BS – If she (or he) is interested in you she will reciprocate.

They say don’t text a woman right away. Wait a couple days or you’re a simp! BS – If she is interested in you she will love hearing from you and she will put real effort into engaging in the conversation with you.

You know what all of these so called simp rules are? They are games. It’s a rule book for how to play games and toy with peoples emotions. It’s the equivalent of pissing in the dating pool which has made the water toxic for everyone.

If a woman ( or man ) is not showing up with any effort or emotional investment then they are not interested in you or they are playing a game. If you feel confused then most likely they are not interested in you. If someone is distancing themselves from you, from investing any effort with you and you still send the good morning texts, the various ego pumping meaningless pointless validations toward her, then you are chasing rather than pursuing and that’s what simps do.

Good humans are frustrated when you show really low effort in conversation.

What we truly desire is reciprocation because it demonstrates you really care about us and the relationship.

We rely on you being able to communicate. It’s extremely frustrating to good people when we are expected to read your mind instead of getting a straight forward answer. This is why you don’t want to play games with a good human because those types of games we want no part in we can spot from a mile away just before walking away, from you.

Without reciprocation or at least a clear show of effort you’re either playing those simp games and we will walk away which will leave you frustrated because you lost us as a result of some really bad simp rule you subscribed to from someone else who told you it was a good idea. Or, if there is no reciprocation the other possibility is you’re genuinely not interested so it becomes on us to move on and enjoy our lives we built for ourselves that we are proud to live and eventually invite the right woman to be part of. Either way, no outwardly expressed reciprocation means move on.

A quick fix for a very toxic dating pool would simply be for all of us to move on when there is no reciprocation. I’m sure that will never happen but all of us individually are in control of our own decisions and one silver lining to our toxic dating pool is it makes it easy for us good humans to positively stand out and there is worthwhile value in that. Fellow good humans will recognize that and appreciate it.

At the end of the day it’s about attracting someone for a healthy reciprocating relationship where both humans involved are investing effort, energy, time, nourishment, and growth. If it’s about simply hooking up with someone then that’s an entirely different conversation. I personally won’t perpetuate hook up culture I think it does more emotional harm than good because it’s so vacuous and empty. To each their own but my video and blog channels are not going to prop up and perpetuate hook up culture. My content is for people who are attracted to healthy long term reciprocating relationships of all kinds.

What are some examples you have of games that have been played on you that you spotted from a mile away? How do you respond when you recognize you are being gamed? I love the more meaningful comments because they not only help me refine myself but others reading the comments also get benefit from your experiences too.

My favorite positive about the comments section is it’s always an opportunity for people to help and support each other.

Orgasmic pathways dot com is my website. Orgasmic pathways dot com. Natural health, healthy recipes, fitness, music, dance, philosophy, and whatever else I feel like.

Bye for now….


Men have peed in the dating pool and made the water toxic for everyone.

Men have screwed up the psychology of women so thoroughly that women will drive out good men who will not chase her or compete against her bad behaviors.

Women are so overwhelmed, emotionally drained, and physical sick from the bad behaviors of men that they’ve put up impenetrable walls that go beyond being justifiably cautious.

Here is what men need to do. I don’t give a fffffflip what anyone says because this is 100% true.

Men need to give women their time and space to heal from the onslaught of bad experiences from men. Men need to start focusing on themselves to develop an exciting life they are actually proud of and worth while of inviting a woman into.

Women, from a good mans perspective I would highly recommend you swear off dating until you are healed. At the moment, most of you woman are so badly traumatized that a good man most likely won’t be recognized as a good man. If you are healed, if your engine is running clean and healthy, it becomes easy for you to discern a good man from the bad ones who perhaps also need to focus on their own healing instead of dating.

Most women have no congruence between what they say they want and what they actually do. I hate to say this but when you hear most woman say what they are looking for in a man it’s either directly not true, or, not true based on critical omissions. A woman with a healthy connection to herself is going to be a woman who is congruent between what she says and what she does.

Men will buy women drinks they don’t even know. On dating apps the average woman will receive over 100 likes in the same amount of time it will take the average guy to receive 1 like (this is literal!). Women receive so much pointless validation from men that it screws their heads up to the point of developing entitlement behavior of asking men for resources and then expecting men to always say yes no matter what. When a man has standards and enough self worth to say “no” to a woman she is shocked because she’s not use to being said “no” to when asking him for access to his wallet.

Men, stop buying women you don’t know a drink! When a woman asks you to buy her a drink say “no!”. Not rudely or politely; indifferently. “No” is a one word sentence. Women! “No” is a one word sentence. Recipients of a telemarketers sales pitch! “No” is a one word sentence! Men, you have brain worms if you think you’re getting closer to sex or even a date just because you give a woman access to your wallet. She is just using you for free stuff! She is going to have more respect for someone like me who says “no!”. If she is going to go out on a date with someone it’s more likely going to be the odd man of standards who doesn’t blindly pump her ego with pointless validation. You don’t stand out when you buy a woman you don’t know a drink. She has an endless sea of lazy men who are doing the same thing as you. All of you are peeing in the same dating pool; making it toxic for everyone with your endless pointless ego pumping validation toward women.

Online and offline you’re compliments focus on their looks. You don’t think they hear that ALL THE TIME from men they don’t even know? You don’t stand out! How does that not sink into your heads?

Also, women love sex just as much as men but they have the burden of worrying about being thought of as slutty or at fault if it turns out bad which it almost always does! So stop using forced sexual banter! Let that happen organically over the passing of time without any agenda! Go home and masturbate if you need to get off. Get that out of your system before you go out so you don’t make a jackass out of yourself, men.

I could tell you fantastic stories of experiences I’ve had simply saying “no” to a woman I don’t even know asking me to buy her a drink. I’ll share one because it represents the macro.

I was on one of my trips to a far away and exotic tropical locale. A physically attractive woman dressed up all sexy approached me with a nice compliment on my appearance. She admired my posture and how well put together I was with my fashion sense. I had an idea what was most likely going to come next but I gave her a fair chance with me without projecting past women onto this one. Unfortunately she did proceed to do what most other women do. Her compliments might have been genuine but they were also meant to disarm me when she followed up with, “They make really good drinks here I would just love it if you bought us a drink.” To which I said, “I’m not drinking but I’m sure the bartender would be thrilled to sell you a drink if you want to buy one.”. The look on her face was the same one I always get in return when I say No to a woman. She was stunned. A deer in the headlights. She didn’t know what to say. Clearly she was not use to being said “no” to. Clearly she NEVER has to buy her own drink because their is an endless supply of lazy dopey brain dead men lacking the self worth or the standards to say “no” to a woman.

I’m attracted to women who are attracted to men who have standards and self worth. This is my backstop philosophy driving my decision to say “no” to a woman in this particular circumstance. If a woman is offended over my standards then she is not for me anyway so what do I care.


Every woman knows I am dead on right whether they want to admit it out loud or not.

One of my ex female friends severed our friendship over that observation I made because she knows it’s dead on true and she hasn’t dealt with that reality in a healthy way but instead a history of being treated terribly by the men she has chosen. It’s self sabotage if you’re a woman.


Look at that statement logically and the end game it leads to when you apply it. Women, If you go with a guy who has no standards or self worth it’s a toxic unhealthy relationship before it even gets started. Same thing with you MEN! If you’re a man and you get upset when you buy a woman a drink who ultimately does not have sex with or date you you’re being an idiot. Stop pissing in the pool. You’re swimming in your own piss. Stop being a jackass. The rest of us don’t want to swim in your piss pool either so STOP! ALL MEN, STOP!

The way to improve dating culture is for men to start saying “no” to women in the situations I described.

In an overwhelming generalization women dominate the dating scene. They decide who goes on a date and who has sex. A fair argument can be made that men decide who gets into a real relationship but that’s another topic for another day.

The power dynamic is so insanely one sided between men and women that men are better positioned to begin this leveling and healing process for everyone simply by saying “no” to women. If enough men do this, then the unhealthy part of womens egos everywhere would be destroyed. This would force the mind to become fertile for needed healing and for personal growth and development which makes all of us more attractive on a deeper more meaningful level. Once individuals have beautiful healthy connections with themselves they could develop beautiful healthy organic unforced connections with other human beings.

I have a great loving connection with myself. I can connect with other humans all day long. When I’m connecting with another human who is also well connected with themselves then that connection goes to a whole other level and that is sadly extremely rare which says a lot about how truly sick our culture is on a depressingly wide scale. This does not only apply to potential lovers, but friends and relationships of all kinds.

IF men would start to say “no” to women then women would no longer have the entitled mentality of never having to pay her own way and the domino affect of other unhealthy mindsets from there. Men would no longer be expected to feel ok about being treated like a human ATM machine. Men and women could focus on getting to know each other to see how it really feels deep down inside and be ok with recognizing mismatches without dehumanizing the other. Love and understanding could be the focus. Treating other humans as property of micro management could become a thing of the past. Unfair projections of past bad behavior on future connections could cease to exist. The frustrations of tip toeing around constant eggshells because god forbid someone decides to take offense will not be tolerated anymore! Gratitude, graciousness, PASSION, loveliness, deep romantic kissing with an amazing partner…sigh… That sounds better than the culture we have now.

Men, stop being wusses and start saying “no”. I don’t care what anyone says women want you to start saying “no”! Women find standards and self worth to be more attractive than constant ‘yes’ men. In the meantime you’re making it so easy for me to positively stand out but I would much rather feel a healthy culture. Out of my own self interest I’m tired of having to walk away from otherwise good women who have been traumatized and not at all ready for a healthy relationship. ALL OF US are sick and tired of being sick and tired. So MEN, stop being wusses and start saying “no”.

Here is something horrifying I want to share with you based on personal experiences. I have dated women before where she freaked out because she was not use to a man with standards and self worth. She was not use to being treated with love, passion, respect, not treated like human property, not placed on a pedestal, not a constant ‘yes’ man, encouraging of her dreams and ambitions etc. These particular women I’ve witnessed run from the potential of a healthy relationship only to go back to what she was familiar with. I’ve seen women leave good men to go back to the same ole some ole and get beaten, sometimes physically, as well as emotionally. Women, you’ve got to stop dating for the time being and heal yourselves so you’ll never allow yourselves to be treated like you are someones property ever again. You’ve got to stop looking for the endless pointless validation from men in the form of buying you stuff and praising you online every time you upload a sexy picture. Men, you’ve got to stop being wusses and start saying ‘no’. It’s time to clean up the piss from the pool.

If you have something you’d like to add, a story you’d like to share, a new commitment you’re making to yourself or a future partner, drop your words in the comments let’s learn from and support each other. Or if you just wanna tell me how great and healthy my skin looks that’s cool to who am I to say no to that!

Orgasmic pathways dot com is my website. Orgasmic pathways dot com. Choose your pathways. Bye for now. To be continued..

Share this! Hit the share button and put something out there that is out of the boring pointless ordinary. Your friends might appreciate you for waking them from the mindless monotony that everyone else is regurgitating.

A disagreement with a toxic partner will turn into an argument, that turns into a bigger problem.

A disagreement with a divine partner will turn into a conversation, that will lead to changed behavior or a solution.

It’s important you know the difference.

It’s a refreshing Rarity when I see a healthy relationship. The overwhelming majority of people are not attracted to healthy relationships, they are attracted to relationships that physically make them sick and emotionally drained.


People are interesting if you don’t take it too personal

It’s fun to share some of these odd interactions and get feedback from you beautiful people.

We were having a nice conversation about nature, outdoor activities, renewable energy and self-sufficient living. Then suddenly out of nowhere, bam! You can read it in the screenshot I captured here.

I’m speculating she has a past of men who have treated her terribly and sadly she’s not responding to her past in a healthy way going forward at this point.

I give it a 50/50 chance that she even read my response explaining why she might have been under the impression I have multiple profiles while in reality I just have just one. She may have no idea I responded. Or maybe she did read my response and deleted me anyway out of a disbelief. I have no idea.

If you have your own speculations or ideas you would like to add please feel free to chime in. I don’t need consoling or anything like that. I’m not upset by this. Just very curious to learn more about people in general.


I don’t date, I elevate..

I really love this framing of elevating rather than dating.

Would you keep date plans when there is a lack of enthusiasm?

I’ve cancelled dates before, never last minute, just simply for a lack of enthusiasm. If a woman is not as enthusiastic about dating me as I am her then I am out. I never ghost but I will politely communicate that I believe it’s a waste of time to go out on a date that is not met with enthusiasm.


Loaded Vegan Tacos

I give you my loaded vegan tacos!

Homemade, therapeutic, healthy, you will forget about the existence of meat and dairy and I might get assassinated by a drug company sponsored hitman. LOL

My homemade melted vegan cheese
my homemade vegan sour cream
-Black beans
-Raw onion
-Optional cayenne pepper for heat
-fiber loaded flower-based no sugar added GMO free tortilla shells

Every aspect and detail of this recipe is therapeutically healthy and intensely flavorful.

Plant Based Melted Cheese

Plant Based Sour Cream


When it comes to sugar the only sugar you should be getting is from who you’re kissing!


If you try this out post how it goes in the comments. Add a picture too if you would like ❤️


I am sexually attracted to most women but I’m not interested in them.

BIG difference.

There is much more to me than what every woman wants. There is much more to the woman of my dreams than what every other man wants.

Nourish, participate, and grow rather than neglect and die.

Desire, attention, attraction, are meaningless if you don’t see me, hear me, or value me.

Show Me Your endearing Enthusiasm not your disingenuous love bombs.

Show me your depth not your inability to express yourself.

Show me a natural energetic alignment not a lopsided mismatch.

I don’t want to chase you or be chased.

The lackluster superficial connections that most people are into is literally isolation against me.

To give up would be a betrayal to myself.

– Tom


Chickpea Avocado Salad

I love this chickpea avocado salad so much I’m going to share how I made it so you can enjoy it, too!

Throw all of the following ingredients into a mixing bowl:

One can chickpeas drained and rinsed.
One ripe avocado finally diced.
One Fistful of pumpkin seeds.
A half Fistful of sesame seeds.
3 tbsp of your favorite no sugar added organic salad dressing (I used a sesame balsamic vinaigrette dressing).
Half tablespoon of garlic granules.
One tablespoon thyme.
Half tablespoon black pepper.
A few dashes of cayenne pepper depending on how much heat you would like.
One tablespoon Bragg’s Apple Cider vinegar.
A few Spritz worth of Bragg’s coconut Liquid Aminos or some dried coconut flakes.
One tablespoon finely chopped parsley.
One tablespoon finely chopped cilantro.

Mix all ingredients in a bowl with a wooden spoon.

All ingredients are raw, no sugar added, organic whenever possible, extremely flavorful and insane therapeutic medicinal value. It’s also pleasantly satiating. You won’t have any urges to eat unhealthy food. You will have more sustainable calming energy.

If you try this or a variation of this I would love to hear about it!


To be in a Crowd or Group of people is to be Alone

This is me in a crowd of people.

I’m by myself.

There is value for me in feeling most alone when I’m around other people.

My innate curious nature causes me to observe everything when I’m not oblivious to everything.

I see how people treat each other and themselves. I see how people act in crowds and groups versus independently or in one on ones. I see how drastic Behavior changes when people are in groups or crowds. I see the facades. I see the authenticities. I see the regurgitated cliches and carbon copies. I see the original and creatives. I see the cringe. I see the beautiful. I see the many walls of protection. I see the almost non existent little sands that were once walls.

This is perhaps my favorite picture anyone has ever candidly taken of me. When my friend brought this picture to my attention I immediately saw myself as I feel when I’m in crowds or groups of people.

But still I go back for more just to see what happens this time. And the next time. And the next time after that. Once in a while a meaningful dialogue will happen. Sometimes even a worthwhile connection with another human.

People think I’m a happy social butterfly; always going out doing things and regular venue changes. Oh but I’m not! It’s my innate sense of curiosity driving me to embark on explorations to see what happens.

I can connect with people all day long because I am deeply connected to myself. When I am connecting with another human who is also deeply connected to themselves we have the potential to a whole new level of connection. Outside of those very rare occurrences I am isolated but acutely aware.



A promise to myself to honor being single and now it’s time to move on and away from single life..

In my early twenties I made a promise to myself to honor being happily single. It didn’t require any effort. I was already intrinsically happy as a single man.

I have my own passions going on such as dance, music, nature-esque stuff, and eating chocolate bunnies (no sugar added 😉 ).

I perpetually deepen my connection within myself so I can not only be a more whole individual, but, attract a divine GODDESS. I am ready. Being single has been fun but I feel it’s time to move on with a goddess to co experience life with. I may actually get dolled up and go on a date to an authentic Thai place in lake geneva, who knows!



It’s the Connection I crave

When I say I ache for that make out kiss at the stroke of midnight New Years Eve it’s the connection I’m aching for because that’s what makes a kiss really great anyway.

It could be any day of the year. NYE is just another date on the calendar.

I could have cared less about finding someone for a solid dozen years.

These days I have put intention out into the universe..

Merman in active search of goddess mermaid for a natural, organic, deep emotional connection to share and co-create endless beautiful experiences with while we are still here on planet earth.

I have my deep passions such as dance, music, and nature.

I feel I’m overdue for a true best friend with whom we cannot keep our hands off each other. A natural unforced connection. Laughter, odd humor, critical thinking, multifaceted personalities, emotionally connected, sexually stimulating..

I’d rather be single than to settle for less. So I am single. But, I’m going to give this intention my best effort because it’s not just about me. It’s also about her, whoever this mystery goddess is.

I feel like when her and I finally find each other we are both going to feel rescued in a way.


AnnMarie Calandra BresciaHappy New Year ! May It Be Happy Healthy Magickal And Bright ! Wishing U All Ur Dreamz Come True ! Blessings… ?

JaCe Mc NultyI mean I think we had a moment many yrs ago Mr dear Sir happy new yr love

Sian LindemannBlessings on your wish

  • Reply
  • 1w
  • Edited

Linda EngelmannI dream that for you kiddo ?❤

Jax X X Smolaz

Marykay Sieber

Cyndi YoungI would suggest writing all that you would like in a partner, lots of details, and then setting it aside. Later, after you’ve found one another, you can look and see how you’ve perfectly manifested the woman of your dreams. Worked for me! Good luck to you and Happy New Year, my friend!?

  • Reply
  • 1w
  • Edited

Beth GilletteCyndi Young & Tom Birkenmeyer our marvelous friend, Jodi Paige , did the same thing as Cyndi here. She wrote out a list of attributes she felt she most desired… and she found him and married him a short time later. Just be very clear on what you desire… and why. I confess, I have never actually done this myself, written it out. I held certain values in my heart and somehow trusted and enjoyed following where the wind blew me. I felt the Universe was on my side and I didn’t personally want to limit myself to just what I thought I knew. I guess I wanted it to surprise me. And it has! Tom, I hope it surprises you in a wonderful way this year. It seems you’re doing the right stuff, just doing your thing and enjoying life. That’s how love always surprises me – when I least expected it.As they say, “just be ready for what you ask for!”

  • Reply
  • 1w
  • Edited

Jodi PaigeActually BethI met John in our theatre staff positions*{mutual shared passion}*


and wrote out the Expectation List after they asked me Why I was willing to spend this kind of time with a 23 yr old (i was 36)i asked him if he were simply curious or felt it was his job to talk me out of it. he said Curious so i wrote out my check list with little stage mgmt boxes in front and then realized it really describes him. Shared passions and interests are KEY(dance lessons good, tavern with open mics and live music = good…Opposites attract ~ for a while Shared goals dreams visions values hobbies; vital

Sophia MayaAnd Love ❤️ is on her way

Zoila Kay AndinoHappy new years blessings always

Jani Thorunn LarssonHappy New Year!

TenderSurrender Michelle


Patty SalvackVery well written! Happy New Year Tom.

Karen Rocke StickneyI hope you Find that dream and special kiss.

Tom BirkenmeyerSee, look at that? I’m more emotionally connected and self-expressive than, “show me your boobs” or “hey what’s up” which represents most of the guys on Facebook! LoL for all I know my unknown mystery goddess will come across this and be impressed I rise to the level of literacy on social media.

Marlowe LeeTom Birkenmeyer i met my husband on FB and he moved all the way from America to Australia. We have been married for 10 years

Brittany AdamavichI love this

Cindy McNeilly KuzielaAwww. That melted my heart.

  • Reply
  • 1w
  • Edited

Wendy MatchenNo words.

Susan SimmermonHere’s to another year around the sun and may your mermaid goddess appear this time ❤️

Debra LuceWhat you want us what we all want.It’s so elusive and I wonder if I’ll ever find him… x

Nicole LacinaYou will find her!

Carol J NotarSo beautifully said…hoping that for myself as well! Happy New Year!!’

Andrea NobleGood luck!

Alicia Marie

Meg SkrypkunI like this Thoreau quote, but note, even though I realize you aren’t “chasing” anything, I think this is still fairly applicable to how you are going about what you have put out into the universe…Happy New Year !!!!!

May be an image of text that says 'Happiness is like a butterfly: the more you chase it, the more it will elude you, but if you turn your attention to other things, it will come and sit softly on your shoulder... -Thau'

Kimberly MillerVery well said! I truly hope you find her, Tom. You’re a good man. Happy New Year!

Jaitara JaydeHolding this vision for you ???☺️

Ann ElizabethI feel the same way as you about this…you will find each other. ???

Lori LaGrowI had a soulmate who passed so I am grateful I got to experience it but I know there is another person who is out there…..don’t settle for less! I agree it’s better to be single than in a bad relationship.

Ileana Hope MerrittOh Tom you are loved and adored for the beautiful soul you are… just keep loving yourself and you will be the magnet your already doing it… she is on her way ?

May be an image of text

Glenda Jean Sherrod Deaton

Teri GambleThat’s beautiful!

Angela Loggins

Kathy Meyer KomaterWell Tom I truly hope this happens for you soon because you deserve much love & happiness. I’m sending you a couple videos I hope might help. I’m also going to pray for this to happen. We live on a free will planet so if you don’t believe in God it’s ok. When she does show up please let me know. It’s very important for me to say thank you prayers when my prayers are answered. https://youtu.be/0xknBmy8lfchttps://youtu.be/AveQy56Ffl8

The Most Effective Way To Manifest Love. Period.

YOUTUBE.COMThe Most Effective Way To Manifest Love. Period.The Most Effective Way To Manifest Love. Period.

Itatiaia XiaKathy Meyer Komater ohhhh I just found out about him…I think he is Amazing with an incredible story! Thank you for sharing this video! I am sure it will be valuable. I will watch it too ?

Kathy Meyer KomaterItatiaia Xia you’re very welcome sweetie. I haven’t yet met Tom in person but I hope to some day. He is a very unique person. Unlike anyone I’ve ever known. We’ve had many conversations. He is very kind smart & talented. If I was younger & looking for romance I would totally fall for him. I consider him to be part of my soul family. I truly hope some day a really nice lady crosses his path & will give him the love he truly deserves. I’m going to keep praying for that to happen. Several months ago I was in a depressed state & made a post. Tom reached out to me. That was the moment I knew how truly special he is. He was just checking to see if I was ok. & Yeah people are very busy living their lives. But that was the moment that touched me deeply. That’s when I knew this guy is extra special.

Ileana Hope MerrittKathy Meyer Komater he’s awesome

Janet Schabow StearnsShe is out there! And you will know when you meet her or soon after!!

  • Reply
  • 1w
  • Edited

Stacy Lundstrom


Maryam LorenaI’ve been there, trapped in that place where we want to make things work so bad that we start twisting ourselves into a version of ourselves that doesn’t feel real or honest or even comfortable. A version that requires us to put on an act, to perform just so we can hold on to someone we desperately don’t want to lose.Sometimes the changes start small. We think we’re compromising and learning to work together, because those are behaviors we’ve been taught we need to master in healthy relationships. But then the changes get bigger and more drastic, and we realize that compromising only works when both people are invested and willing to give and take.Otherwise, we’re just putting ourselves last. We’re saying that who we are and what we need matters less. That we matter less.And honestly, once we get to that place, a place where we’ve lost basic respect and care for ourselves, the relationship is over. Even if we stay together. Don’t ever abandon yourself dear one.

Crystal WeimeVery nice picture ?Well stated and crossing my fingers it happens for you

Lisa Leanne

Lisa Moore


Angel BievereWell Tom , I’m a mermaid that lives next to the ocean and I’ll welcome a merman any day! Lol????‍♂️?‍♀️Been looking for a watery sensitive sign!!We shall live on sushi !! Lol

  • Reply
  • 1w
  • Edited

Becky McClureOkCupid.com or Facebook dating



Margo NymanI am in my longest relationship of my life and I met him at 42. 5 years going strong over here. Your person is out there Tom Birkenmeyer

Christine HuffAnd so you will find this person. The universe can answer what would seem like infinite possibilities.

Tom BirkenmeyerFacebook is a place where quality of communication goes to die. This Thread has a lot of quality communication. Thanks everyone.

Angel BievereTom Birkenmeyer that’s strange Tom I have the same kind of stars hanging outside my door!! and that door faces the ocean LMAO

No photo description available.
  • Reply
  • 1w
  • Edited

Patty SalvackIt looks like you have nutured alot of quality friendships!

Pandora JoyHeartfelt and beautifully said………..❤?✨

Carrie WennstromYou are a good hearted person…they will find you at the right time❣️

Tom BirkenmeyerI’m actually going to add this post along with the entire thread of comments to my blog site just because the comments are so cool and thoughtful. I’ll do that and probably the next few days or so because I’m sure there are going to be more great comments coming up soon

Ileana Hope MerrittRemember this Tom … not just bang but she will be your all

May be an image of text that says 'If you're feeling down, just know that there's someone via @DifferentShadesBlue out there who's new years resolution is is to bang you.'

Lin LadySeleneI hope you find her soon!

Misty Dawn

Dawn MillerSending love ?

Carie WalkerGlad to see you on here. How’ve things been? I moved to a house w my service animals. I hope you find a very, special person. ? sending happy vibesReply

Nivea HenriquesHello handsome!!!?Reply

Nancy Waldropbe blessedReply

Kelly RiddleI love your authenticity. Putting positive vibes in your direction!Reply

Billie ThompsonSending love ❤️ you are so hot Tom sure girls are fighting over youReply

Janet J. HirthMay 2023 be the year you find your soulmate. She’s out there! You’ll find her when you least expect it! Don’t give up and good for you knowing just what you want! *Hugs*Reply

Jennifer Ream


Top fanMalachi GutierrezYeah I’m with ya in that one brother. I’m waiting for my queen as well. I hope she comes to her senses soon!Reply

Nat E LeValleyI’ve been here the whole timeReply

Carol J Tate LasasGood luck!! I hope you find her!!Reply

Top fanMichelle Kinchhttps://youtu.be/UjJBGDwKWgs

TWIN FLAMES Miracle Manifestation Music ∞ Love of Attraction ✾ Quantum Energy Healing Sound Therapy

YOUTUBE.COMTWIN FLAMES Miracle Manifestation Music ∞ Love of Attraction ✾ Quantum Energy Healing Sound TherapyTWIN FLAMES Miracle Manifestation Music ∞ Love of Attraction ✾ Quantum Energy Healing Sound Therapy


Stacy HirshHello! how have you been?Reply

Angel BievereThis mermaid lives next to an ocean waiting for a Merman!!Reply

Lauri BingamanBeautiful, that type of love is definitely worth waiting for, ?✨✨✨✨✨Reply

Theresa Cesari-AndersonLove this!❤️Reply

Top fanDenise BooteYou’ll find her! You’re a beautiful soul and deserve an amazing woman!Reply

Brenda Kingston-Geller


Vera KnightSo beautiful. Your energy is calling her to you. She is on the move. Happy New Year!Reply

A worthwhile relationship is a place of peace

It’s not stress or being oppressed as if you are human property.
It’s acceptance, understanding, a celebration of differences as well as similarities.
It’s supportive of growth.
It’s a chemistry with a best friend with whom you cannot keep your hands off of each other.
It’s a safe place of peace and love.
It’s a merman with long hair in a union with a goddess mermaid. Where on Earth is she?!?


Bonnie BonsaiAll correct! Love is unconditional and people forget that.

Shannon LyonsPerfect Im amazed at how uou have grown, can you feel your mom grinning?

Tom BirkenmeyerShannon Lyons the one who passed away? She smiles at me every day.

Maria Angelita RosalezVery well written

Jodi Paigei dunno but if you’re brave enuf to do that dating app stuff this is a great profile pic and opening statement, well, i wud edit it slightly for you


Tom BirkenmeyerJodi Paige thank you ❤

Jodi Paigeyah Tomkeep me posted


Wendy RaaschYou deserve love

Pamela WeberMaybe she’s not in Wisconsin. Time to travel a bit more??

Tom BirkenmeyerPamela Weber In my traveling observations people are people no matter where I go but hey I keep my heartspace open

Deanna Pabich…life is a great ride enjoy the twists, turns and curves for they add to your ? heartbeat

Tom BirkenmeyerDeanna Pabich That’s an interestingly attractive way to frame it!

Tom BirkenmeyerI think I’m going to add this to my blog site. I really like how it represents me. Going to add the one about what a New Year’s kiss means to me as well. Before you know it I’m going to have a collection of these sappy romanticized pieces.

  • Reply
  • 1w
  • Edited

Sherri SentieriLove this. Love that Picture of you Tom you look good. Must be all those green drinks you share on fb

Jessie SamolykJeez, this is precisely how I feel.

Theresa Cesari-AndersonAwwe

Jacqueline Yvonnehttps://youtu.be/rs8DiJaLhlYI loved this movie!!

Ondine HD Trailer Starring Colin Farrell

YOUTUBE.COMOndine HD Trailer Starring Colin FarrellOndine HD Trailer Starring Colin Farrell

Crystal WeimeAgreed… A worthwhile union is one you don’t have to chase or change yourself for… And couldn’t agree more as far as it being a place of peace

Tom BirkenmeyerCrystal Weime I totally agree with you too. I hate the concept of chasing or being chased.

Asta LeveneDon’t worry about butterfly… mend your garden… butterfly will come… ?… when it’s a time… ?✨?

Tom BirkenmeyerAsta Levene I’ve got quite the figurative garden over here. It’s amazing really.

Nicole BavlnkaI agree ? with what you wrote.many are broken from life healing wounds.i myself am healing because I want love. I want exactly what you wrote, my fear is am I good enough? As crazy as that sounds it’s a fear I’m addressing with professional help.

Angel BievereGoddess mermaid, perfect description!

Jo LovettI totally agree

My nutrition shake is saving me money against grocery inflation.

My grocery cost has increased all the while my nutrition shake has not.

I saved $180 per month in groceries when I kept track of this back in 2009. That was 13 years ago. No doubt my savings are much greater today. Here is a very brief rundown of my nutrition shake. So you know upfront, If you buy a bag I will get referral money.

Each nutrition shake costs $4.30. I buy 30 of them per bag at a cost of $129 per bag. The savings in groceries pays for each bag with a surplus. What saved me $180 per month in groceries 13 years ago saves me significantly more today. As the cost of groceries rises I’m able to save more money because my nutrition shakes cost remain the same.

As far as the other benefits of the nutrition shake goes.. Better health, energy, digestion, regularity, blood panels, and it’s conveniently simple to whip up a shake real quick with the health benefits of plant based whole food super-food densely packed nutrition that I’ve been consuming for 13 consecutive years and counting. As an added pleasure, they taste orgasmic in my opinion. I intrinsically look forward to them every day. The general idea is I replace a meal, or two, per day with these and eat a well balanced diet the rest of the day.

If you would like to try a bag I love new customers I’d be honored if you picked up a bag from my company replicated website. I earn approx thirty bucks in referral commission if you purchase from my company replicated website in particular:



P.s. Have you enjoyed this? Consider sharing this page. You might also enjoy my youtube channel. Subscribing to my youtube and commenting on my videos allows me to keep providing free content while still being financially compensated by the advertisers on youtube. It’s a brilliant model to be able to not charge anyone a fee and still get an income from it. If you like my content I would love to have your support on youtube via subscribing to my channel and commenting on my videos.

follow your heart




If you enjoyed my blog you might LOVE my YouTube video about changing one thing, the direction of your cash-flow, to change Everything:


I’m going to be vulnerable over my struggles to connect..

I’m going to be vulnerable knowing I’ll be gas lit by someone.

I’ve been forming this conclusion for a while. I think I’m pretty close and pretty sad over it.

When I go out social dancing I genuinely do have fun for myself; but only myself and the friends I might be with. I typically feel more alone in a crowd than I do when I’m by myself.

Ladies In the world, on the dance floors, the farmers markets, at the concerts, walking by me on the street, or attending the different socials I’m attending… I struggle with the most basic of connection; eye contact, a smile, or even noticing my existence.

I’m constantly attracted to ladies who are not attracted to me. They don’t even notice I exist. It stings. When I say attracted I mean their aura and how they carry themselves. I’ve always asked the universe, why am I attracted to ladies who do not notice I exist? I do not understand this setup. I’m not talking about a deep attraction, just the kind of attraction you have by her energy and how she carries herself. If her energy is attractive I am filled with a desire to get to know her and see what she’s about, if there is chemistry there, a deeper connection that can be mutually experienced and worth exploring together.

I’ve observed for a long time that guys treat girls very poorly; often times under a facade of someone desirable. Girls have put their guard up so high they don’t allow any kind of connection or eye contact with a guy. They are so use to being sexually objectified, hurt so badly, or just over all being treated so poorly that it just isn’t worth it anymore.

It’s so bad I feel like any time I’m in the presence of a girl who doesn’t know me by default I’m inherently enemy number one because I’m a man. So, I don’t dare approach any of them to say hello, to ask them to dance, or anything. How sad is that?

I see indications of this all the time. Not just offline but online too. Straight ladies are posting how they’d love to be privately messaged by other women than by men. They don’t even need to explain why, I know exactly why. It makes a little too much sense.

When I’m out social dancing, girls are typically dancing with other girls instead of guys unless they are with somebody like a boyfriend. Their are always those one or two guys on the dance floor trying to dance socially with other girls but none of them will have anything to do with the guy even if they aren’t doing anything inappropriate.

I’m not going to go out there and try to be social with other girls, ask them to dance, or do anything because I don’t want to put myself through that kind of rejection. I’m painfully consciously aware that through projection I am enemy number one because I’m a man and that is such a depressing conclusion. I would rather go out for myself, feel alone in a crowd, truly enjoy myself, and leave myself open to the possibility of a meaningful connection I could truly enjoy with someone else.

Both girls and boys are falling dangerously into self loathing and depression. There are a plethora of different companies measuring happiness in various societies around the world and the United States consistently ranks 1st or 2nd to dead last. Our rates of suicides seem to constantly hit new highs. There are many factors that go into these stats. The thesis of my post is certainly a contributing factor because everyone innately wants to give love and feel truly loved.

I don’t know what the solution is other than the obvious, we need to treat each other with more kindness, but that’s never going to happen. The question becomes, how does an individual person deal? As for me the broader scope solution is to enjoy myself regardless of how others behave and be open for possibilities.

I don’t have any answers for myself on finding a meaningful connection with a goddess. I’m already socially “off” and a little awkward. Couple that with the fact girls built walls of caution so high it’s made me enemy number 1 for the crime of being a man.

Society consists of people creating problems and then responding to their problems in the worst of ways. Society is so much of a turn off for me I want nothing to do with it except for the very remote possibility of meaningful connections of all kinds not just a romantic one. I’m sympathetic to the reasons girls have built walls of caution. Being cautious can literally save a persons life. But to build them so high they no longer resemble anything balanced is just creating more emotional pain for both boys and girls.

All of us need some healing. I recognize the valid caution girls have. My expressions in this post are just as valid. Understanding instead of gaslighting would be a nice start to a more kind and happier society.

I wonder?


Comments left on facebook up to sept. 24th..


Shana WankelYou have SUCH a good heart, Tom. I think you’re wonderful. Always have, always will. ?

Tom BirkenmeyerShana Wankel Thank you my friend ❤

Meg SkrypkunI know I try not to have those walls, but, my walls started long ago before I even started dating and they are truly a…bitch to chisel at.

Meg SkrypkunYou are a wonderful person in my eyes and I always hope the best for you.

Michele LynnI hear all this negative energy from you. Maybe that’s what others see. Your lack of confidence in you. Have belief in yourself. Belief in you is attractive to everyone. I was beating them off with a stick. Men, women and all ages. Be happy. Like yourself. Enjoy all you have to offer and people will be attracted to your energy.

Tom BirkenmeyerMichele Lynn The negative energy is objectivity in how I am observing societal trends. Thankfully I am extremely confident in myself that’s never been an issue. I love me. I’m just disgusted with society.

Michele LynnTom Birkenmeyer then what you put out is what you get. You put out that energy. Whatever energy you put out is what you get in return. No need for validation.

Michele LynnTom Birkenmeyer if your busy taking care of you and what you need, you don’t notice others. You love yourself so you don’t need others to notice it because you don’t care what others think. You love yourself. That’s the best advice from someone who would rather be by myself then to validate others insecurities. People love me because I sing, dance and enjoy myself. I laugh at myself and I help good people who help themselves.

Stacy WachalMichele Lynn Michele is right here. You may love yourself but the beliefs you described and thoughts you put out there from that description Tom is what’s keeping you from meeting that open woman. Because they feel what you described in your vibration or aura as you put it. So although your intention is a good one your thoughts are different. Work on your belief and thoughts and once you change those those woman will come a running. Remember energy goes where are thoughts go. Energy is your vibration and aura. Change those thoughts and beliefs through healing and your good to go. Have a great day.

Belinda HaynesI personally, think you have it all going for you. I’d say, I sense a balance from you. The things that make you different, awkward, are your strengths ? Next time, ask that woman you have an attraction to for that dance. There is absolutely nothing to lose, but, possibly something to gain. Rejection is tough, however, it’s truly their loss. You never know what could come of it. Hold that handsome head up.

  • Reply
  • 3w
  • Edited

Tom BirkenmeyerBelinda Haynes I appreciate you have that view of me but I have zero sense of community on planet earth. I’m softly indirectly rejected on the daily.

Belinda HaynesTom Birkenmeyer To be honest, neither do I. I don’t connect with many ppl. Don’t get me wrong, I can talk to anyone, however, I don’t connect on a deeper level. And, that’s what I’m about. I think you’re on a deeper awareness level than most. That makes it difficult. I get it. Just know, there is nothing wrong with you. Hugs

  • Reply
  • 3w
  • Edited

Stacy WachalTom Birkenmeyer this is normal for most awakened people who have come here to learn about ourselves. Once you start putting it out there you will slowly find your tribe Tom. I’ve been alone for most of my life. Learning that your number one and loving myself wholly. You’ve got this once your whole they will show up in your life.

Robin ParsonsMaybe your aura is reflecting all those thoughts thereby deflecting them.

Robin AngelI love smiling at and accepting compliments from men, enjoying their small provisions: opening the door, complimenting my dress, giving me a place in line ahead of them, recommending something etc….. This post is just a cue to do so even more. I love the glow that a man gets when a woman receives these things, that he would do anyway, because he is just naturally drawn to, but often gets ignored or looked at like he is weird. It doesn’t always need to be assumed that it’s going to lead to anything beyond the interaction, or that he “wants something”. It’s simple respect ..I’d respond this way to a father, brother , or friend xx More simple masculine/feminine kindness out there among strangers!

  • Reply
  • 3w
  • Edited

Tom BirkenmeyerRobin Angel you’re a goddess. I love your openness and self given freedom to just be; to give and receive. You give me a lil bit of hope. Where are the goddesses in my neck of the woods who share your driving philosophies??

Robin AngelTom Birkenmeyer Maybe some of them are simply unaware of how to communicate in a Feminine way. They feel they need to defend, be on guard, figure it out and lead men instead of feel, open, receive, and be led. A lack of strong loving dominant men in who made it safe for them to do so. I don’t know if this is fact, just speculation xx

Tom BirkenmeyerRobin Angel you could be on to something. I love how deep thinking and deep feeling you are. I resonate with that because that’s how my brain feels.

Kaitlin OwenTom Birkenmeyer this post ?


Areya DivyanaYou are awesome, so please don’t take offense when I say- something in your energy (thoughts, beliefs, words) is vibing out to attract people that aren’t quite aligned. Maybe focus on a little more self mind healing. Go within. When things flow in the way your describing, the universe is usually trying to nudge you to go within and do some inner work of some sort. Kind of like a dark night of the soul a little. Caution is healthy but only enough to where it makes the other person actually put in effort and get to know the person, not be totally repellant.Have you considered relocating?You’ll figure it out and eventually attract someone better than you could have imagined.

Tom BirkenmeyerAreya Divyana That’s excellent advice. You are a well of great ideas worth exploring. I’ve thought about relocating after enough traveling of discovery. If I were to travel to a place where I felt more community, I could see myself moving.

Areya DivyanaTom Birkenmeyer the community here in Nw Arkansas is amazing. We are blessed to have a very supportive tribe. Nice music scene in Fayetteville. I just moved here a year and a half ago. There’s extended community in Missouri also. Amazing naturey spots. Also in a little know crystal vortex. Plenty of mining downstate.

Michelle ReneeI know at least one woman who looked in your eyes and smiled a real smile…

Tom BirkenmeyerMichelle Renee You have me standing at correction ❤

Michelle StewartI have the same issue only with all the wrong men

Tom BirkenmeyerMichelle Stewart I feel your pain or frustration.

Michelle StewartYou’re an awesome guy Tom! Don’t ever change

Jennifer Renee GordonNot sure who it was, but there was a guy who went out every day and purposely looked for rejection. It was silly- like going to a fast food place and asking for 1/2 off or Starbucks and asking for 1/2 off knowing that there was no way they would say yes. It got him used to hearing no and not being afraid of rejection.As for society, I agree with you on people being anti-social in social settings. Too much time spent with their heads in their phones. They don’t know how to interact with real people in front of them. You have a very strong, beautiful, deep personality – (I have not met you in person) – and I think shallow people are afraid when they see you. They are probably lost inside their own heads and don’t know what to do with you. I also recommend getting out there and trying different things and places. When I was in Delaware, it was much different than out here in Arizona.Wish you all the best. Thanks for sharing this.

Tom BirkenmeyerJennifer Renee Gordon I remember hearing those stories too about people going for ‘no’. All kinds of psychological benefits to that. Thank you for adding your comment jennifer.

Kristen MaryOk, I totally and completely understand what you are feeling. But just because women don’t seem interested doesn’t mean you are correct. I think a lot of women are done chasing men and we want to be pursued again. We want a man that takes initiative and plans a date. No one ever wants to feel rejected but how is someone to know you are interested if you don’t approach? So, I think maybe going in without the intention of a date maybe just be friendly and make new friends and go from there. You never know. I don’t date anymore but I’m not jaded or guarded I just enjoy my own peace and not really wanting to right now. I will make new friends and that’s all. It takes pressure off.

Tom BirkenmeyerKristen Mary I agree. The mind set of making new friends is the way to go and just let a romantic connection happens if one is meant to be.

Kristen MaryTom Birkenmeyer yes! When we were young I think connections happened fast because there was no baggage to unpack but as a 55 yo I have lots and so do the men I meet. It has to be more purposeful and takes time to get to know someone anc the convection grows!

Tom BirkenmeyerKristen Mary “When we were young I think connections happened fast because there was no baggage to unpack”I never thought about it that way before. I am 100% that is a huge contributing factor.

Jayne FisherKristen Mary yes so true about no baggage back then now I’m 55 divorced for while , it’s different most comes with lot baggage I don’t want to deal with ??

    • Reply
    • 3w
    • Edited

Kyla McCallHonestly, I have more male friends than female friends. I believe I am cautious, but I have found men treat me more kindly than women ever have. Yet, I too, have fallen into the trap of being socially awkward & realizing the men I want don’t want me in return. I know how to love, but I don’t how to be loved, as no one ever has ever loved me — all the while seeing men dating the most vicious women who treat them so badly.I don’t know if anything I say will do any good, but what you’re doing is pretty much all you can do. Just live for yourself. Love yourself. And be happy for yourself. Trust me, I know sometimes that is easier said than done. Sorry I don’t have any words of wisdom.

  • Reply
  • 3w
  • Edited

Stacy WachalKyla McCall key words in this lovely comment to me are. We as woman struggle at knowing how to receive love and allow ourselves to be loved. What a wonderful reminder thank you.

Pamela WeberTom Birkenmeyer I hear you. You are a wonderful person. I’m not saying you should change yourself. Be you. However in dancing specifically (because I have been out dancing with you), showing more confidence is something that people generally like…men and women. And confidence is a positive trait. In Latin dancing specifically, speaking for myself (however other women would probably agree), whether you know what you’re doing or not, ask for that dance, with confidence. Women are generally gentle saying no when social Latin dancing. And men don’t generally get offended by that.

Sherry WestphalAwe think most kind people feel that way

Tom BirkenmeyerSherry Westphal I think you’re right. We’ve created a society to foster that unfortunately.

Sherry WestphalTom Birkenmeyer always be with people you love and trust and respect your heart grows ♥️

Sherry WestphalTom Birkenmeyer there is so much beauty in life

Tom BirkenmeyerSherry Westphal some of the beauty where I get to live

May be an image of one or more people and body of water

Sherry WestphalTom Birkenmeyer good for you it’s in the heart ❤️

Jodi PaigeI find this confession and the setting of dancing in a bar very interesting because i met my bff, business partner and twin flame on the dance floor in Las Vegas at the Sand Dollar. We’re housemates now after having a solid friendship and working relationship for almost 3 years. I was mesmerized by the way they danced; uninhibited original creative pure freedom, like i did and hence we connected …we’re 35 years apart and yet act like teenagers and feel like family. It was just as you describe; energy, interest, engagement and it’s the most unusual relationship I have. There was no male/female energy exchanged. It’s classic twin flame. The highest chakra. Rare. So rare. You’ve been so patient….I think you’re still on the right track and yes, I agree with your observations; people are in a lot of pain lately and we’re pummeled with propaganda of fear and hate to keep us divided. You’re so radically individual ~ and that’s highly attractive ~ to those that know …

Tom BirkenmeyerJodi Paige that is so beautiful and reading your words really resonated with me. You’re one of the few people on my facebook that I know In person. I miss you!

Jodi PaigeTom Birkenmeyer

Deborah ArakiThe times I have met you and spent some time, I didn’t think you were awkward at all, I thought you were awesome! Still do! ❤️❤️❤️

Tom BirkenmeyerDeborah Araki sometimes it just depends on the person I’m with ❤ You pulled out of me someone who is not off or awkward.

  • Reply
  • 3w
  • Edited

Deborah ArakiTom Birkenmeyer well, I thought and still think, you are fun and easy to be with!! Too bad I’m 25 years older..

Tom BirkenmeyerDeborah Araki my mind is blown you are 25 years older

Deborah ArakiTom Birkenmeyer omg.. just turned 70! Freaked me out!

Carolyn ClapperDeeming oneself as “enemy number one” seems like a projection. I can’t imagine anyone thinking of you in that way. Assuming that most or all of any gender is one way seems self defeating and self fulfilling.Perhaps try and live in the moment, with no expectations… just be. You’re an amazing human, and have great energy and magnetism. It will happen!Women should be cautious or aware to a degree around men they don’t know. It doesn’t mean they’re damaged or guarded. It just means they’re aware that sometimes seemingly good men are capable of doing bad things. Especially in venues like bars or clubs etc. They’re maybe just being smart.That said, know that when you’re out at places like this, as opposed to meeting a woman through another friend at a dinner party or gathering etc, they may not be as willing and ready to warm up, open up, or be relaxed and inviting. I smile at everyone, and toss out compliments like they’re Halloween candy. Lol… but that’s rare. And I don’t give two shits if people think I’m weird, or gay, or naive, or whatever. That’s on them. When I man is a gentleman to me, I love it! I smile and thank him. It makes my day! I raised my son to be that type of human. To open doors for women and be warm and kind and thoughtful. Many women just adore him and love how thoughtful he is. It’s beautiful to see.Just keep being you, and straighten that unicorn horn, and get back out there!


Tom BirkenmeyerCarolyn Clapper oh if you only knew. P.S. I wrote you back july 12th and 24th.

Carolyn ClapperTom Birkenmeyer so… you’re suggesting I don’t? … and yes, I’m currently backed up on messenger and emails. So sorry. I’ll get back asap ?I had some major doctors appointments this month, and these past 2 weeks I’ve been hyper focused on my dog who is dying. There were several nights of zero sleep due to her coughing and crying, unable to get her into the vet for a few days. I felt she had lung cancer and a secondary infection. Xrays confirmed. A large tumor in her lung that’s pushing on her trachea, and fever. She’s been on antibiotics now for a week and had improved so much. All raw food for her, and so so much spoiling and cuddle time.Anyways… this is why I’ve been mia. Keep your chin up ✨?

Tom BirkenmeyerCarolyn Clapper I’m sending your dog some healing vibrations and some rest and rejuvenation for you. I sincerely hope your dog and your family is going to be okay. My messages will be waiting for you for when the time is right for you.

Rachel RavenI dont know why this is happening in your life.Im sorry. I do think this is a very difficult place to meet and bond with people .I’m not sure why.I don’t think it’s a crime to feel awkward or any spectrum of the human experience. It’s all beautiful in a way .I think sometimes we are forced to dive into layers of how we really connect romantically versus what we fantasize about. It takes courage. Anyways , you deserve it and I know it’s out there for you. Just keep developing your heart .Its is so painful sometimes I understand. .

Heather FordYour entire post is dead on-It’s sad- but I believe true.

Tom BirkenmeyerHeather Ford simple but true. Hey check your messages.

Akash AnuWe must heal ourselves from the inside out to be in alignment & an energetic match to what we desire. This is how we act as a magnet for what we truly desire. After experiencing this first hand, I’m grateful to help others experience this as well. I’d be happy to help with an infinite alchemy session if it resonates to work with me. Sending you so much love my friend! ?????

  • Reply
  • 3w
  • Edited

Kimberly MillerI’ve never succeeded at connections, so I couldn’t even begin to guess how to get past the bs. It is sad that things are the way they are and that mistreatment, or at the very least, disappointment, is so common that the walls go up in the first place.

Tom BirkenmeyerKimberly Miller in an unrelated matter you are one of my longest running friends on planet Earth and I think that’s pretty awesomeHeather? ❤

Kimberly MillerTom Birkenmeyer same!

Jen BialeckiTbh I am honestly shocked you are still single ? You’ve always been one of the most radiant and positive people I know even when going through some very dark times…that’s the sort of thing that people should be attracted to and admire. And from the times we’ve hung out, you didn’t strike me as awkward at all and certainly not creepy or like you have shallow motives toward females. You’re far more respectful than the average male. I don’t know….maybe it is a self esteem thing with the women you’re attracted to? It does seem like that old saying “Nice guys finish last” is true, sadly….look how many women end up with toxic douchebags who use, abuse and take them for granted and think it’s an honor to be with someone like that? Maybe the problem is so many people (both male and female) have chased after trash for so long that they have convinced themselves that genuine, compatible people either don’t exist or would never be interested in them (even when that is not true). I haven’t had much success with attraction, either…can sympathize with a lot of this, being that I’m on the unique side, myself. I can tell you though what has helped me to is focus on myself…both working on my issues (we all have them, it’s normal) and just doing what makes ME happy and isn’t destructive behavior, of course LOL Do what makes you happy…channel your loneliness and unhappiness into things that do make you happy. You’re not alone; there’s women who feel this way, too and like minds will find a way to each other eventually. As far as believing all guys are a certain way, I don’t think so….I’ve always felt more comfortable opening up and being around males rather than females. I’ve certainly wasted time on my fair share of loser guys LOL But I know some real gems, too (including you!) and that gives me hope to believe in!

Melissa ClineIf you were in Atlanta I’d come and dance with you ?.

Kathy Meyer KomaterWell Tom your post makes me want to give you a big hug & a kiss on the cheek. I can’t justify or understand the women who react to you in such a negative way. To me you are very special. Besides being physically attractive you are very kind & intelligent. Saturday I went to Moosefest & danced my butt off. Unfortunately it grew back. I’m a dance instigator gently encouraging everyone to dance. I have these 2 silky scarves I dance with & share with people. Girls will just dance with complete abandon. Most guys will just stand & move a little bit so I’ll go next to them & smile & match their moves. Your points are totally valid. Many of us have been hurt so many times that it’s hard to have a deep trusting connection. Several years ago I met a lady online. She lives in Canada. We never met in person. We used to video dance together almost every day. I had never been attracted to a woman before but we fell in love. After about 3 years of being together she ghosted me. I had no idea why. I mean yeah we had some arguments some times. She occasionally caused unnecessary drama with me. After the ghosting I still reached out to her several times. I was like it’s ok if you don’t want me in your life. But please let me know if you are ok. She never responded to me. That’s when I decided to become a celibate monk. I’ll admit I do sometimes miss the intimacy with a human. But I just don’t want to be hurt again. Instead I give love & kindness to everyone I meet. Unfortunately sometimes I accidentally mislead people & I have to say…. I’m sorry. I don’t date. But Tom you are such a wonderful special guy. Somewhere out there is someone who is also special & wonderful. I’m going to pray that this person comes into your life very soon because you deserve to be loved completely.

Jaitara JaydeTom, thank you for this share. I feel you. I see you. If you’d be open to a Zoom call, I’d love to have a private conversation with you about this. I feel I could help. DM me if this appeals to you. ??

Christine GalassoYou’re a really good dancer and you smile, I’m sure that Can be very intimidating for some women.

Jamie Louise WolfMUAHHHH ?

  • Reply
  • See Translation
  • 3w

Lisa RemmickI thought you loved me ?? lol ?

Jennifer Gammons MujicaI appreciate your openness, Tom. I also sit perplexed— because I have never noticed any of the qualities you mention. We’ve lunched, dined, hiked, shopped with my kids (who are grown up now! ☺️)….and it flowed so easily. Hmmm so what does that mean?

  • Reply
  • 3w
  • Edited

Stephanie Pannell((((( hugs )))))Dearest Gorgeous Tom,I see you. I feel you. I love you!Inspired sharing with love, some of my personal prayers:“In this very moment I am willing to drop all stories keeping me connected to the past experiences of limitation. I am now willing to release everything and anything either known or unknown to me that is keeping me separate from that which I desire. I release and drop all experiences of separateness and powerlessness now.I am willing to disconnect from collective consciousness and move into Holy Spirit communion, Expanded Consciousness, and Divine Sovereignty.I forgive myself for hurting me for so long. I choose to nurture, appreciate and Love myself. I remember to listen to what my body tells me.I remember to love and honor myself, and have a deep sense of Self-worth; so I am able to truly love and honor others, and others are then able to reflect back to me in the most beautiful ways, this love I feel and have for myself.I remember that as a Divine Being in human form, I Am worthy of all the love, beauty, joy, peace and abundance of this universe. I focus only on what I want.It is safe for me to allow the Holy Spirit within me to further activate the Divine genome within my DNA for the liberation of humanity through my remembrance and embodiment of my own Sovereign Divinity.I choose to remember to walk in the Sun of my own Divine Love in every moment.I Am Shining My Light and Living my successful Legacy of Love that is assisting in the ascension to Christ Consciousness of humanity.”When I first awaken in the morning, my prayers are:“Holy Spirit within me, take charge of my DNA, thoughts, words, actions, energy, health, vibrations and life: Be You the Guide, and I the follower. Go ahead of me this day and prepare The Way for grounding Heavenly solutions and realities on Earth, beyond my efforting or understanding. “May the infinite connections and combinations of LIGHT be a blessing unto all creation – through me – in the Name of YHWH.” ~modified KEY 318:86 from The Keys of Enoch


Caroline VrbaYou are perfect as you are. ?

Dawn Delouise BanksAlthough we believe we are evolved as a species we are still very primitive. At the end of the day it’s about survival 1st procreation 2nd.So either they have a wall of protection or they are subconsciously saving themselves for what they believe wil… See more

  • Reply
  • 3w
  • Edited

Dawn Delouise BanksTo be honest that’s not where you find people to have deep conversations..

Theresa LePre RiveraWell said

Maryann CarlsonSo energetically like likes like…you are the magnet of what you are recievingStay possitive and open and everything you would like in a woman and she will appear. The universe works that way.

Val WardI’ve always had the same issue. Men that I am attracted to aren’t attracted to me and vice versa . Daddy issues maybe ?

Tracy LynnEverything is dead on true here that you said. Also, recognize, that you are very deep and not many women want or can handle that. Let alone do they understand it. It’s people in general. Tom, some of us are just different and it is so hard to find people who understand or connect. Let alone put up with people like us lmao. Also, you’re extremely (and amazingly) sexual and I’d be terrified to let you down if that makes sense. That part would be very intimidating to me. Also, you’re a very healthy person and that is intimidating too to some who aren’t. The lifestyle I mean…of having a healthy body and healthy eating, working out, etc…Do you remember when everything just dominoed in the beer fridge and I started pouring out sweat lol. Look for the people that sweat your energy….if that makes sense. Because they’re able to feel and connect with your energy. Sometimes your eyes might not always be open either.

  • Reply
  • 3w
  • Edited

Jody PogorzelskiA lot of what you say resonates a lot. My son and I had a similar conversation this weekend. He mirrors much of what you say here. In an age of online communication and blurred lines, interpersonal communication has gone to the wayside. Both sides are playing it safe. Most spend their time chatting online rather than face to face or even by phone. I’ve lost count the amount of times a guy will say he wants to get to know me, yet will not call to have an actual conversation with me. Messaging is not the same. It’s talking at someone rather than with someone. Everyone has some kind of guard up. It takes people like us to take our guards down and give others a safe space to take theirs down too. I think you’ve done that right here. Stay open! ?

Erica StillerJody Pogorzelski you, have literally hit the spot on that! People aren’t connecting in a physical way. Besides work, and normal daily things, we should make time for fun, get out and explore. Have an adult conversation, instead of text or voicemails. I… See more

Roseann DavisMaybe ur going wrong kind of places .I think not everyone is like that.you need diffrent places to go.i find where I go both genders are nice people .try diffrent type of people diffrent place .think that will do it.

Winter CantagalloIt’s from your mother and or father wounds (which causes you to express certain patterns and attract certain patterns) If you heal those you’ll have a totally different experience when you go out!

Winter CantagalloAlso try salsa dancing where the socials are by culture and in general open snd friendly.

Kelly Ragen-PeaseWinter Cantagallo yaz! We should go!!!

Brea ZiembaHonestly tom, I think ur ONE OF THEE MOST INCREDIBLE PEOPLE TO EXIST!!! I understand u struggle with socializing, but no one ever improved on something by not trying/practicing. Take me for example, bc I can only speak for myself, but I initiated conversation with u bc I’m social yes, but brave also & intuitive.It’s my opinion a mate for u mite need those qualities. I’m not insinuating me, but DONT GET IT TWISTED! I’d hem u up in a heartbeat. Lol. People fear what they don’t knw & not knowing u is something they should fear ? Sent with love & genuinity.

Leanora HalePopping in to say I read all the comments. I wont go towards the things that bugged me about this post instead i will sayRemember yesterday when I said you are being called to travel ? It’s time my friend✨

Nicole LacinaYou are a sweetheart. You are kind, talented and handsome. Maybe you are onto something. There are times, after giving men a chance, that they behaved mind/soul-blowingly poorly. Maybe these women are afraid to be hurt. I have blamed myself (law of attraction stuff – ‘what am I doing that I keep attracting jerks?’). Maybe that is wrong thinking. Maybe it us as simple as that old song ‘You Can’t Hurry Love!??’ All I know is thar you are not alone. Hang in there.

Tammy RuggaberI hope no one gaslit you. That would be horrible. Hugs n

Tom BirkenmeyerI’m pleasantly amazed. I was ready for it but nobody has gas lit me. All of the comments have been thoughtful, wonderful, and dare I say even a little validating with some pleasant philosophical ideas.

Dawn Delouise BanksTom Birkenmeyer The good news is that the world is a candy store.. we are not all the same .

Tom BirkenmeyerDawn Delouise Banks you’re right. Just give it time and eventually you will see that one sour ball candy that nobody wants to taste and it will be free entertainment for me as long as I don’t put it in my mouth:-)

Dawn Delouise BanksTom Birkenmeyer yesss .. think about the symbol we grew up with

May be an image of text that says 'DANGER POISON'

Dawn Delouise BanksSometimes you don’t even want the entertainment

Lindsay StinerTom Birkenmeyer I would snatch you up in a heartbeat. I’ve known you online for quite a while now. And I’m still shocked that no one sees you like I do. You’re absolutely kind caring thoughtful maybe a little old school but I think it’s adorable. You’re adventurous entertaining energetic beautiful you care about your health and Thoes around you. For me you are everything I would ever want in a man. Our distance is far but maybe when the time is right ❤️? who knows. Love you always my dear sweet friend. Dance your ass off for me. Fyi you got a great ass lol ??

Kate ShannonYour presence is noticed and appreciated ?

Tom BirkenmeyerKate Shannon thank you. Hey so far I have perfect two year in a row attendance at your Beach Fair art show! There was one band I really enjoyed this year. I think they were called hyperia or something like that? Another person I really enjoyed was a yo… See more

Kate ShannonThanks so much for coming ??? I am trying to plan another event more of a gallery style soon! And Yes, Hypheria , they are amazing! They played some shows in Milwaukee and Green Bay this weekend ! I’ll try to organize more shows for them in Kenosha and keep you posted or you can follow them via the link! I like the psych /Indie / rock !And Em Bahn plays many shows too. If you want to follow more from her! I love that she incorporates her experiences in nature in her music.

Tom BirkenmeyerKate Shannon oh cool! Yes she is the one I’m so glad you knew who I was talking about ?

Chandra CherryberryWe don’t know each other well but you’ve always seemed like a great person with a great heart. Try putting it out there that the women at the events you go to are drawn to you. Not in a sexual way just a get to know you way. Get out there, take a risk. Even if women are a guarded you can still be out there and be yourself. Women throughout history have been hurt by men. It’s not a new thing. But you’re not those men. So it might start off awkward. Once a woman sees who you are they’ll love you. Also you say the women you are usually attracted to. Well you may need to step outside of your comfort zone amd talk to women who may not initially catch your eye. Be more open to whatever may happen and just be you

Angie SaundersI think I’m in the category that it’s just not worth it anymore… at my age. I enjoy our conversations and I wished you lived closer. You’re an amazing guy and I mean that. ❤️

Frances LaughsTom, you’re learning to dance and great at it. Just ask and don’t worry about rejection. Take lessons where they teach the men to take the lead, it’s part of dancing that many men don’t get… Also, from experience it difficult to connect with toxic people. They drink soda, alcohol, HFCS and sucralose on a daily basis. Don’t bother trying to make eye contact with them because it’s painful and a connection won’t happen. Plus, so many wear toxic fragrances they are difficult to be near. Or maybe that’s just me. But I’m beginning to turn men down for dances who wear cologne for my own health.

Tom BirkenmeyerFrances Laughs funny you say that about fragrances. I stopped wearing chemical based stuff probably at least a decade and a half ago. Most people will at least mildly question what goes into their mouth but it’s also worthwhile to question anything that can be absorbed into the skin and breathed through the air. Once you do that you start to make better choices about all kinds of things we put on our bodies and in our environment.

Angie SaundersTom Birkenmeyer I recently discovered Henry Rose perfume…. Look it up

Pamela WeberTom Birkenmeyer there are natural fragrances. Nothing better than dancing with a man that smells good.?

Maryam LorenaFirst of all, I want to thank you for sharing your raw authenticity. I find that’s one of the things that make a man very attractive. I believe real fearlessness is the product of tenderness. It comes from letting the world tickle your heart, your raw and beautiful heart. You are willing to open up, without resistance or shyness, and face the world. You are willing to share your heart with others. Loneliness is okay. In fact, it’s the feeling of our beautiful raw vulnerable heart, finally open. Don’t close. Because we can’t get rid of loneliness. We can only open it up to sunshine and healing fresh air.So don’t take the sadness personally, you didn’t do anything wrong. It’ll be okay. It really will. Just breathe. Love yourself. And if you insist on seeking external happiness, seek to root that happiness in your heart.True happiness is maitri. Love and infinite blessings to you dear one.

Jackie EllaI go out dancing and have fun weather it with a group of people or myself I just get lost in the music people are just strange these days Tom. There’s nothing wrong with you at all.when guys come and dance with me in a group it becomes fun remember it’s all for fun life’s short so do what you please.?❤️

  • Reply
  • 3w
  • Edited

Lisa RenéeThis is a great opening up for women to see what men face. I am certain, you are not alone. We women feel very similar, atleast, I do. I feel very much like humans today view relatio ships in a very disposable way. Fast gratification and no soul. It is saddening. DM me for more chats on this Tom. We always had good vibes!

  • Reply
  • 3w
  • Edited

Stevie ReddickTom…..I could give you a long, wordy response, but I think the best thing you can do is, if you see a girl you are into, just simply say “hi, my name is Tom….I think you’re cool, would you ever like to hang out?” I’ve never met you in person, but from what I’ve seen, you don’t have a creepy/threatening vibe. Just try, the worst they can say is no.

Karen L. Close… And when people do say no, that speaks more of them than about you. Try to remember that!

Beth GilletteThose of us who have spent some time with you know you are an intelligent, sensitive, talented, caring person. I had the chance to observe you during a moment of your attraction for another woman (not “girl,” words matter. Give some thought as to why you often use the words “boys & girls”). My observation of you and the situation was a bit different than your perceptions described here in such a situation. I got the idea that you are attracted to the unavailable. That can be a habit, a self fulfilling prophecy. And a safe, predictable but painful place to exist. My take on your situation is that this pattern you’re experiencing is an invitation for you to do the work to get to your deeply rooted and deeply felt social awkwardness. What is really underneath this feeling and belief? When you finally see and address this I believe this will all change for you.This energy can enter the room before you do, if you know what I mean. It’s not you… but it proceeds you, and with a purpose, for you to work through and genuinely conquer the feelings you just shared. I promise you your world is meant to break wide open up. Sit with these questions for a while and allow them to guide you to your answers. You have so much to offer. I see your world opening up in a big way.

Tom BirkenmeyerBeth Gillette thank you! Hey I am so curious, when you saw me attracted to another woman in person what did You observe of me? LOL I honestly don’t remember that but it was a few years ago.

Julie Ann WalvatneTom… You are such an amazing man…I feel blessed to know you personally. You are so very special… and for some women that’s intimidating just as it is for some men by special women. Unfortunately, it’s sad they don’t take a chance in life… they are missing out on getting to know someone like you! Thank you for always being true to who you are and for always treating me so special! Love you 4ever ????

Carolena Elizabeth HollifieldI think you’re amazing. It’s rare to find someone like you. Most people follow the herd. I didn’t know just how much until Covid hit. There is someone out there for you. You are a rare gem, therefor you’re going to find a rare gem. Just put it out there and it will come to you. Unique souls instinctively know unique souls. Sending you loads of love. I too have felt the same when I was single. I’m now married to someone who is so different than me, that it can actually be lonely in itself at times. Don’t settle, you’re an amazing catch. ♥️

Tanya S. BrownThank you for sharing your feelings and posting a very mindful and well thought out post. May we all heal one day from our silent battles with ourselves and the world. ❤️❤️❤️

Bonnie HuntsingerWell-said, Tanya.

Karen L. CloseKeep doing you, people distance because we are getting through a pandemic, not because you are undesirable. I do not like touching during dancing, esp. with strangers at a gathering, and have a group of dancing friends male and female, that meet at events. I recommend you try to stop thinking of yourself as the public enemy number one, people can read that on you… besides, now you’re stereotyping women, assuming that’s what they are thinking. You are a human among humans and relating positively through doing your thing and living your life, will definitely attract... be open to having it happen in a little different way than you expect. Judgment and expectation out the window… The best attractions happen when you least expect it, not when you’re looking for it!

Linda EngelmannKaren L. Close you definitely hit it on the nail for Tom!

Linda EngelmannI honestly feel you Tom Birkenmeyer I thoroughly understand your side I feel your feelings. I wish I was your age cause you definitely will not be feeling like that maybe next life. ?❤❤❤❤❤❤

  • Reply
  • 3w
  • Edited

Tanya Boulieu❤ U

Risa Karen GottliebCome back to Bristol! Great place to meet free spirits.

Tom BirkenmeyerRisa Karen Gottlieb I went three times this year I didn’t meet any free spirits.

Lisa FeilDidn’t read the whole post. A lot. Just give the same aura you’re looking for and don’t think I’m dancing and they are with friends. You may be giving vibe you’re looking if that makes sense

Inanna AsherahTom I can honestly say your one of the loveliest man I’ve ever had the fortune to meet ,your funny, charming always uplifting,light as air but also earthy and very attractive I know that the right woman is here for you and your wrong about the world not changing it is, everyday, in a very amazing spiritual way , sometimes it is better to be alone for the right reasons than with someone for the wrong ones, I’m also very alone where I am my daughter is with someone so appalling so horrible I can’t see her ! don’t ever really go out and I don’t want any man than isn’t completely like me ,so I stay single until he arrives ,I know our true loves are just around the corner,I know it!!! And I’d rather cry myself to sleep every night looking out my window waiting And I do knowing the next one will be worthy of me your vibe is extremely high and theirs perhaps not so, not for you if they don’t see it not your problem theirs,if I lived in your town we would be firm friends I love you very much as do alot of people obviously your a great man and I know the divine love you very much also?❤️? see you on the other side my beautiful friend, I know it’s coming I just know it lots of love as always and big hugs you are a rockstar ⭐❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️????????♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️????

  • Reply
  • 3w
  • Edited

Amanda RetzlaffEverything said here was 100% valid, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with how you express your thoughts or carry a conversation from the few times we’ve chatted , It should always be the vibe you get from someone rather than the automatic view most people have of men or women , I as a person with extreme social anxiety tend to be more standoffish in terms of interacting with a person I haven’t yet met especially if I’m just randomly approached in public , but I don’t automatically label someone off of my own past or personal experiences good or bad , I just try to make quick friendly conversation and if the vibe is right the conversation will flow naturally as will new friendships I think , if it’s right it’ll be right if not let it be , never force an interaction with someone who’s not ready ?even friends I’ve known personally for years understand that we all have the right times to be approachable and the right times that we need a people break untill the social interaction energy is restored lol

Kenzie StossHey you don’t have to fit a social norm. You be yourself. Your a unique individual and you should embrace that. Also let friends or a relationship come to you. Let friendships happen naturally. These should never be forced

Kenzie StossI never met you in person but you seam very approachable.

Ashleigh LaBossiereTo be wronged is nothing, unless you continue to remember it. -ConfuciusI say this out of kindness and desire for your success & well-being. You’ve definitely been treated wrongly, likely countless times, and you’re carrying “it” around with you in each new encounter. That energy that you’re carrying speaks louder to someone than the actual words you’re saying. Ask the universe “how to let this energy go?” It may be energy healing. It may be grounding/earthing & meditation. It may be screaming out all of your wounds and then after all the energy is expended making the conscious choice to say “I let this go, I am no longer carrying these wounds from my past”. It may be a subtle letting go over time, or it may be instantaneous. It doesn’t matter how you let it go, the important thing is that you let it go. That wounded energy is the reason you’re not finding your community and/or your mate. And while you may be positive about yourself, the negative thoughts you have about society are showing through as negative energy. And you receive what you put put into the world. Allow yourself to truly let go of all previous encounters, and be 100% present in the moment (to be present in the moment means to not be thinking of the past nor expectations of the future). Allow each new encounter to be truly “fresh” (not tainted with remembrance of previous encounters). But as a side note, as someone else mentioned, truly put all your focus into BEing the right person, not finding the right person. For some reason this just unlocks the secret law of the universe. The universe will say, “Okay, he’s ready”. But this will only happen once you’ve truly surrendered “finding someone”. When you’re constantly looking for someone it puts out a desperate energy. When you stop looking, you’ll naturally put out a confident at-ease energy, because you don’t “need” anyone, you are no longer needy. And THAT kind of confidence attracts many. But this ONLY comes when you truly surrender your desire to find someone. The universe knows when you “fake surrender” it. haha Much love & light to you friend. You are on your way right now! ✨

Ashleigh LaBossiereI hope my message only comes across as sincere. It takes a very self-aware and spiritually grounded person to do what I’m suggesting, but I totally think you are that person. ✨

Kristin Rose KellyI’d say go for it Tom..nothing to fear but fear itself.. You see the one you want to dance with ask her.. You are very caring and considerate to wonder these thoughts. Always be yourself no apologies ???

Andrea NobleWelcome, friend, to the existence that is neurodivergency. You’re not alone.

J Thorunn LarssonYou sound like my husband. He told me before he knew me he was lied to and gas lit. He said he given up and that is why when we met he was thrilled and told me he was in love with me for a long time and now the rest is history.

Cindy ElizabethHoping that you’re ok, I read this and was a bit surprised but we all have our own personal feelings toward ourselves, but on the outside I feel you’ve accomplished so much and that should be celebrated! Now, our thoughts (in any situation) really are very powerful and I firmly believe that changing our thought process and the power of positivity really makes a tremendous difference in how ppl see us, well me. I’m no where near perfect and would like to dm you at some point about a few things but how we feel about ourselves and really work on ourselves, trying to be the best version of ourselves… ppl tend to be drawn to that. ????

Brigid SteeleGreat insights. We all need healing. You are a wonderful young man. You should be cherished!Reply3w

Run and Pushups Workout 5 rounds

Looking for a good workout? I’ll put this one on video to follow along with when the weather gets nice again. I did this on the treadmill yesterday and it was AWESOME. 5 rounds as fast as you can and record your time. I did this in 13 minutes on the dot. The running portions I did at 11.1 mph / 5:24 minute mile pace.

The workout after a light warmup:

.5 miles followed by 10 strict form pushups
.4 miles followed by 15 strict form pushups
.3 miles followed by 20 strict form pushups
.2 miles followed by 25 strict form pushups
.1 miles followed by 30 strict form pushups

Simple format. As the distance decreases the pushups increase respectfully. No rests except for the ones you have to take but keep them to a minimum. Pace yourself but challenge yourself. The goal is to complete this as quickly as possible. Each time you do this your new goal is to compete with yourself for a new personal best time. Subscribe to my youtube channel I have tons of workouts I’ve recorded there along with healthy recipes and lots of music <3


P.s. Have you enjoyed this? Consider sharing this page. You might also enjoy my youtube channel. Subscribing to my youtube and commenting on my videos allows me to keep providing free content while still being financially compensated by the advertisers on youtube. It’s a brilliant model to be able to not charge anyone a fee and still get an income from it. If you like my content I would love to have your support on youtube via subscribing to my channel and commenting on my videos.

follow your heart

If you enjoyed my blog you might LOVE my YouTube video about changing one thing, the direction of your cash-flow, to change Everything:

Deeply Emotional Music to Unfunk Your Mind With


P.s. Have you enjoyed this? Consider sharing this page. You might also enjoy my youtube channel. Subscribing to my youtube and commenting on my videos allows me to keep providing free content while still being financially compensated by the advertisers on youtube. It’s a brilliant model to be able to not charge anyone a fee and still get an income from it. If you like my content I would love to have your support on youtube via subscribing to my channel and commenting on my videos.

follow your heart

If you enjoyed my blog you might LOVE my YouTube video about changing one thing, the direction of your cash-flow, to change Everything:

Chocolate O for Dessert Super Foods Shake

1 1/2 cup plant based milk
1/2 cup rolled oats
2 tbsp nut butter
1 1/2 tbsp cocao powder
1 tsp flax seeds
1/4 tsp vanilla extract or monk fruit
1 banana semi ripe
1/4 tsp cinnamon powder
1 serving of chocolate meal shake powder such as vega, sun warrior, or shakeology
1 to 2 pitted dates
dark leafy greens
chia seeds
cocao nibs sprinkled on top after blended

Add all ingredients to a blender, blend, and enjoy the best desert ever <3

This recipe is based on a recipe I got from thefirstmess.com found here: https://thefirstmess.com/2019/04/20/healthy-vegan-smoothies


P.s. Have you enjoyed this? Consider sharing this page. You might also enjoy my youtube channel. Subscribing to my youtube and commenting on my videos allows me to keep providing free content while still being financially compensated by the advertisers on youtube. It’s a brilliant model to be able to not charge anyone a fee and still get an income from it. If you like my content I would love to have your support on youtube via subscribing to my channel and commenting on my videos.

follow your heart

If you enjoyed my blog you might LOVE my YouTube video about changing one thing, the direction of your cash-flow, to change Everything:

Savory Lentil Soup

1 tbsp Coconut oil
1 onion chopped
1 carrot sliced
2 celery stalks chopped with their dark leafy greens
1/2 tsp Cumin seeds or Cumin Powder
1/2 tsp mustard seed (optional)
6-10 bulbs of crushed or minced garlic
5 cups approx of low sodium organic vegetable broth
1 cup lentils (red, brown, or green)
1 tsp black pepper
1/2 – 1 tsp Turmeric
1/2 tsp Cardamon
1 tbsp Thyme
1 tsp better than bouillon mushroom
1 1/2 tsp of ginger (optional)
3 tbsp organic lemon juice
2 tsp dill weed
1/2 tsp to 1 tbsp of cayenne pepper (optional)

Coat bottom of stock pot with coconut oil or another high flash point oil.  Don’t use olive oil.  Olive oil is only healthy raw.

Medium – high heat add onions, carrots, celery, cumin, mustard seed, and garlic.   Let saute for five minutes; stirring frequently.

After sauteing for approximately five minutes, add vegetable broth, lentils, black pepper, turmeric, cardamon, and thyme. Reduce heat to a simmer for approximately 25 minutes if using brown or green lentils.  Approximately 15 minutes if using red lentils.

Turn heat source off.  Add better than bouillon mushroom, ginger (optional), lemon juice, dill weed, cayenne pepper (optional). Stir.

Serve and enjoy <3


P.s. Have you enjoyed this? Consider sharing this page. You might also enjoy my youtube channel. Subscribing to my youtube and commenting on my videos allows me to keep providing free content while still being financially compensated by the advertisers on youtube. It’s a brilliant model to be able to not charge anyone a fee and still get an income from it. If you like my content I would love to have your support on youtube via subscribing to my channel and commenting on my videos.

follow your heart

If you enjoyed my blog you might LOVE my YouTube video about changing one thing, the direction of your cash-flow, to change Everything:

Split Pea Soup Plant Based Simple

1 lb split peas
2-3 medium to large carrots chopped or sliced
2-3 celery stalks chopped or sliced; leave the leaves on
1 large onion chopped
2-8 cloves of garlic chopped or minced; or a couple tsp of garlic powder
1/4 – 1/2 head of cabbage; purple or green
2 bay leaves
4-6 cups of vegetable broth; low sodium
1/2 tbsp black pepper
1/2 tbsp oregano
1 tbsp parsley chopped

1 tbs thyme
1 splash of Worcestershire sauce
2-3 drops of liquid smoke

In a stock pot heat up enough coconut or avocado oil to coat the bottom of the pan.  Over medium heat add onion and saute for about 5 minutes till translucent.  Add carrots, celery, and garlic.  After 5 – 10 minutes add vegetable broth followed by cabbage, 2 bay leaves, black pepper, and split peas.  Bring to a boil then reduce heat and allow to simmer for about an hour or until the peas are cooked down to the right consistency.  Stir occasionally.  Once you turn the heat source off add in the oregano, parsley, and optional ingredients.  Stir.  Let sit for about 20 minutes.  Serve and enjoy!  In my experience this makes the gut feel soothed and just relaxes the whole body.  There is no post energy crash.  Enjoy this healthy tasty dish with the whole family and please feel free to share this page with others who you think would enjoy this <3


P.s. Have you enjoyed this?  Consider sharing this page.  You might also enjoy my youtube channel.  Subscribing to my youtube and commenting on my videos allows me to keep providing free content while still being financially compensated by the advertisers on youtube.  It’s a brilliant model to be able to not charge anyone a fee and still get an income from it. If you like my content I would love to have your support on youtube via subscribing to my channel and commenting on my videos.

follow your heart

If you enjoyed my blog you might LOVE my YouTube video about changing one thing, the direction of your cash-flow, to change Everything:

MLM Scams

I went down my first rabbit hole of “MLM Scams” on youtube.

I’m in an MLM and even I agree with the sentiments I saw.

The youtube videos I came across so far are focused on the cult like behaviors of it’s participants. A large plurality of MLM’rs I don’t hang out with because they are annoying and in my lay opinion, not mentally healthy.

My main disagreement with the opinions I saw is they seem to have binary vision. “All of it’s a scam and all of it’s participants are in a cult.” Very few things in life can accurately be depicted in binary. MLM has a lot of nuances in it that will not be recognized by people looking through a binary lens. Like any other industry there are a mix of all different kinds of people and behaviorisms. To skip over that with a binary perspective is lazy.

I got in an MLM in 2007. The one I got into I got into because they didn’t act like a bunch of annoying cultists! There were other reasons too but I was taken by surprise because before going to the event I fully expected a bunch of weirdos drinking spiked koolaid trying to push that stuff on me.

My whole M.O. of how I sell product is this..

I show it to whoever wants to look at it, if they are comfortable sharing their goals with me so I can recommend a specific product that lines up with their goals that’s always helpful, and then I let them know if they wanna try it out great if not no big deal. If someone decides against it I don’t gaslight them. It’s fine. There are over 300 million people in the usa and we are open in other countries as well so I’m pretty sure I will always be able to find people looking for what I have to offer.

Same M.O. with the MLM side of the product. If someone has a financial or a time freedom goal I show them the business side and if they wanna do it great if not no big deal. I don’t gaslight someone who decides against it. It’s fine. Really.

Do I wish ALL MLM’ers operated this way? YES. Will they? Certainly No. Will obnoxious people dissuade me from the industry? Eff no.

Same to you. If you wanna see what I’ve got, product or business, let me know. I’ll show it to you. If you wanna do it great if not no big deal. What a fabulous opportunity to plug my stuff <3


P.s. If you’d like to work with me I don’t charge any fees I’m not going to sell you something you don’t want or need: http://workwithtom.fireyourboss.xyz

follow your heart

Have you enjoyed this? Was it helpful in breaking some circular thought patterns you might have been stuck in? Do you know anyone who could benefit from this? Sharing is caring. Share with friends and family.

Was this helpful? If so, I would greatly appreciate it if you commented and shared on Facebook and other Social Media, too. You might also enjoy Fire Your Boss & 31 Ways to Raise Money Now.

If you enjoyed my blog you might LOVE my YouTube video about changing one thing, the direction of your cash-flow, to change Everything:

My moms celebration of Life and Memorial service

I think I did a pretty nice display for my mom’s celebration of life Memorial August 1st. It was one year to the day of her passing from covid-19. This was the first time I had seen any family since before she passed away. To go one year without anything as if nothing had happened after my mom passed away, that was really something strange to process. I sure do miss both my mom and my dad.

As We Sit in Heaven From Dad and Mom

The weekends celebration of life memorial for my mom impacted me emotionally in a way that I didn’t see coming.

It was great to see family again. I loved that.

To have my mom pass away and then to go home and not have a family experience for a full year later is something else that I can’t explain. I did surprisingly well with that.

It was after the family event of my moms celebration of life that triggered me emotionally. It was the first time at a family event that neither my dad or mom was there with me and my brother. Combine that with the fact I went a full year after my moms passing without any family; it causes me to start crying again.

Every family event for the rest of my life will be without my parents with me. The next time I visit ST. Louis, where my parents are originally from, will be without them. It’s disorienting and painful to be at family events without my mom or dad.

Sadly I didn’t get the closure I wanted from my moms celebration of life memorial. It was far too short after being so alone for such a long period of time right after my moms passing.

I cry. I talk to my parents a lot especially over this past weekend and into the week so far.

I guess this is just something I have to process and work through now. Just like when my dad passed away almost 4 years ago and when my mom passed away a year ago I have to process this new string of emotions that has me wrought with sadness.

Man it hurts.

My moms passing isn’t going to consume my life and stop me from living, but, it hurts knowing I’ll never see her again.