I recently had an eye-opening experience in a dance class that I naturally thought of parallels for in how we approach intimate relationships and music. The teacher taught us about the five connections we must internalize as dancers, in order of priority. The number one priority is the connection you have with yourself. This self-connection is the foundation upon which all else is built. It’s about being fully present in your own body, aware of your breath, and centered in your power, much like the silence between notes that allows the music to resonate.
The next priority is your connection to the floor. This represents your grounding and stability. Just as a tree must have deep roots to weather life’s storms, we must feel secure and supported to move through the world with grace and confidence, like a steady drumbeat that anchors the melody.
After that is your connection with your partner. This is about trust, communication, and harmony, the same elements that come together to create a beautiful song. When both partners are in sync, the dance becomes a seamless co-created expression of unity, like two instruments blending in perfect harmony.
The fourth connection is with the music. This is where emotion and passion intensify, just as a powerful crescendo stirs the soul. The music is the heart and soul of the dance, and surrendering to its rhythm allows us to express our deepest feelings and connect with something greater than ourselves, much like how our favorite songs can evoke profound emotions and memories.
The final, and lowest priority, is the actual dance moves themselves. This may seem shocking, as most dance classes focus predominantly on mastering the steps. But without the first four connections, the moves are empty and lackluster, like a song with a catchy melody but meaningless lyrics. They are the outer expression, the physical manifestation of the deeper connections.
This prioritization of connections has profound parallels in our romantic and intimate relationships as well as in how we connect with the music that we love that moves us. A healthy relationship requires, first and foremost, a deep connection with ourselves. We must know and love ourselves in order to fully open to another, just as a musician must understand their own instrument to truly express themselves through music. Next is our connection to the earth, our sense of grounding and well-being. Then comes our connection with our lover, built on trust, open communication, and harmony, the same elements that create a beautiful symphony. After that is our connection with the external environment, our community and the world around us, like the audience that receives and responds to the music. And lastly, the activities we do together, the outward expressions of our love, are like the different genres and styles we explore in our musical journey.
When we prioritize these connections, the activities we do together become infused with meaning and joy, like a song that speaks directly to our hearts. If I’m in love with a woman, I’ll cherish every moment with her, no matter what we’re doing. Whether we’re cooking dinner, taking a walk, literally dancing, co-creating music, making love, traveling, or simply sitting together in silence, I’ll be fully present and engaged, like a musician fully immersed in their performance. Our reciprocating emotional passion will make every experience a dance of love and connection, a beautiful composition of movement and melody. And, if I happen to be in a loving relationship with an intimate partner who also is an actual dancer, then we can share in this paralleled dance both literally and figuratively together, moving in perfect harmony like two instruments in an orchestra.
whether through a breakup or death, our brains experience a similar kind of grief. The emotions involved may differ, but the process of mourning and healing we go through is quite alike. I believe our brains don’t differentiate between the pain of a breakup and the pain of a loss through death. Both types of losses are a separation from someone we deeply loved and to whom we felt connected.
The grieving process can be intense. We may go through stages like denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and eventually acceptance, much like those experienced when someone dies. Even if a relationship ended by mutual choice, the sense of loss can still be profound. We grieve not just the person, but also the future we had envisioned with them.
But there is always hope for healing no matter how painful. Acknowledge these feelings and give yourself permission for time to grieve. Reach out to supportive friends, family, or a therapist for help processing these emotions. Engage in self-care like healthy eating, regular exercise, treating yourself to stuff you don’t normally treat yourself to, and sufficient sleep. Consider a hobby, passion, or new activity to take your mind off what pains you and bring in fresh experiences. And practice patience and kindness with yourself throughout the journey. With time, we can navigate the grief and move forward.
When we think of intimacy, our minds often jump to the romantic and physical. Yet, intimacy encompasses so much more. Platonic intimacy, the deep connections we share with close friends, plays a vital role in our emotional and psychological well-being. It’s a reminder that not all intimacy is romantic, and that nurturing these non-romantic relationships is essential for a healthy, happy life.
Platonic intimacy offers a wealth of benefits for our emotional health. Close friends provide a sense of belonging and acceptance, which are crucial for our self-esteem and confidence. They offer emotional support during life’s challenges, helping us feel less alone in our struggles. Shared laughter and joy with close friends boosts our mood, reducing stress and anxiety. These relationships also encourage personal growth, as friends help us gain new perspectives and challenge us to become our best selves.
The psychological benefits are just as profound. Platonic intimacy helps us develop empathy, communication skills, and conflict resolution strategies. These skills benefit all our relationships, romantic, professional, and familial. Close friends also provide a sounding board for our thoughts and feelings, promoting self-understanding and mental clarity.
While platonic intimacy is deeply rewarding, it’s essential to approach these relationships ethically. Respect is key. We must respect our friends’ boundaries, never pressuring them to be more vulnerable than they’re comfortable with. Consent in emotional intimacy is just as crucial as in physical intimacy. It’s also important to avoid placing unfair burdens on friends, recognizing they have their own struggles and limits.
It’s also essential to avoid ‘crossing the line’ into behaviors that could be misconstrued as romantic or sexual. While platonic intimacy is deep, it’s not about fulfilling romantic or sexual needs. Behaviors that blur this line, like excessive flirting or inappropriately personal questions, are unethical and can damage the relationship.
So, how can we nurture platonic intimacy in an ethical, healthy way? First, prioritize time with close friends, as shared experiences deepen bonds. Practice vulnerability, openly sharing your thoughts and feelings. Yet, respect when friends aren’t ready to reciprocate this vulnerability. Encourage and celebrate friends’ successes, showing genuine interest in their lives. Work through conflicts openly and honestly, using these moments to strengthen understanding. Above all, treat friends with the same kindness, empathy, and respect you wish for yourself.
Platonic intimacy is a beautiful gift, one that enriches our lives in ways romantic love cannot. By nurturing these relationships with respect, care, and open communication, we can reap the many rewards of close friendship. In a world that often focuses on romantic love, let’s celebrate the power of platonic intimacy to bring joy, support, and meaning to our lives.
I adore the dance of being open to trying new things, of embracing fresh experiences that spark excitement in my soul. Yet, I equally cherish the clarity to say a firm “no” when something doesn’t align with my heart’s desires. I’ve observed that some people are like sponges, soaking up everything without discernment, while others build walls, shutting out potential growth. But I believe there’s a beautiful middle ground.
A place where curiosity whispers “what if?” and wisdom gently guides us to discern which new experiences will truly nourish us, and which might leave us feeling drained. It’s this balance I strive for – the courage to explore, and the confidence to choose what’s truly good for my soul. And I invite you to join me in this dance. Let’s embrace the thrill of the new, but let’s do it with intention.
Let’s be brave enough to try, and wise enough to know when to say no. Let’s fill our lives with experiences that light us up, and learn to release what dims our spark. The world is full of possibilities – let’s explore them with open hearts and mindful wisdom.
Lactate is the body’s fountain of youth for the brain.
First off, your brain loves lactate. It’s like its go-to energy drink. See, your mitochondria (those are like the powerhouses of your cells) find it way more efficient to run on lactate than glucose. And here’s the kicker – your brain is actually wired to run on lactate. Your brain’s support cells, called astrocytes, gobble up glucose and spit out lactate for your neurons to use. It’s a clever little system, right?
Now, things get really fascinating. When your neurons run on lactate, they conserve glucose. That conserved glucose gets diverted to create NADPH, a key player in making glutathione, your brain’s top-tier antioxidant. It’s like having a supercharged defense system to keep your brain sharp, young, resilient, and healthy.
Lactate: The Brain-Building Signal
So, lactate is like a power-up for your neurons, but it also triggers a ton of beneficial changes in your brain. One of the big ones is that it promotes the growth of new mitochondria in your neurons. Think of it like leveling up your brain’s energy production.
And remember how we talked about lactate being a signal? Well, when your neurons use more lactate, they start pumping out neurotransmitters like norepinephrine, which helps you focus and be at the top of your game. It’s like a shot of mental clarity.
But the biggest deal might be that lactate signals your brain to produce more BDNF (brain-derived neurotrophic factor). BDNF is like the ultimate neuroprotector. It helps your neurons survive and thrive, and it’s key to neuroplasticity – your brain’s ability to adapt and change. Higher BDNF levels mean better memory, sharper cognition, and protection against neurodegenerative diseases like Alzheimer’s. It’s like a youth elixir for your brain.
Lactate: The Blood-Brain Barrier Booster
And the benefits don’t stop there. Lactate also signals the blood-brain barrier (that’s the tight barrier that controls what gets into your brain) to produce more VEGF (vascular endothelial growth factor). VEGF is like a call to action for your blood vessels. It promotes angiogenesis, the growth of new tiny vessels, and helps repair damaged ones. Think of it like keeping the roads into your brain clear and flowing.
This is huge, because breakdown of the blood-brain barrier is a major player in brain aging and neuroinflammation. It’s like a vicious cycle that can lead to dementia. So, by promoting healthy blood vessels, lactate is helping to keep your brain young and resilient.
The Bottom Line Solution: Vigorous exercise, such as HIIT training, for a Higher Brain
Now, don’t get me wrong, all exercise is awesome for your brain. The increased blood flow, the improved cardiovascular fitness, the rush of neurotransmitters and endorphins – it all adds up to a brain that’s performing at its best. But there’s something special about HIIT, about pushing yourself to that point where you’re producing a ton of lactate.
It’s like you’re unleashing a cascade of benefits that take your brain to the next level. You’re fueling your neurons, supercharging your defenses, promoting growth and adaptation, and keeping your brain young and resilient. And it’s all thanks to that hard work you’re putting in when you push yourself to the limit.
Okay, last thing I want to touch on is how exercise impacts your mitochondria. Those are the little energy factories inside your cells, and they’re way important for everything from your muscles to your brain to your liver. The problem is, as we age, our mitochondria start to lose their superpower. They get less efficient at cranking out energy, and that’s a problem. But there’s a silver lining – exercise, especially the vigorous kind, can actually increase the number of mitochondria you have. This is called mitochondrial biogenesis, and it’s like your cells are adapting to the demand you’re putting on them by building more of those energy factories.
One of the key ways exercise triggers mitochondrial biogenesis is through the metabolic stress of vigorous exercise. Remember how we were just talking about lactate? When you’re doing HIIT and generating a ton of lactate, that lactate acts as a signal to rev up one of the main pathways that controls mitochondrial biogenesis. So when you’re doing that Norwegian 4×4 protocol or any other kind of intense intervals, the lactate you’re generating is like a signal flare telling your cells to build more mitochondria. And that means they’ll be more efficient at producing energy, which is good news for everything from your workouts to your overall health.
Bottom line, regular vigorous exercise, such as HIIT training, produces Lactate as a way to communicate with your entire body through your circulatory system which leads to a whole host of chain reactions that functions as your brains ultimate fountain of youth.
Living now, living in the past, and living for tomorrow is a spectrum that deserves critical thought and balance. One extreme end of the spectrum is to be living only for now, giving in to every whim and desire without consideration for the consequences. This makes a person susceptible to doing things right now that will cause their demise and prevent them from also being able to enjoy tomorrow. For example, reckless behaviors like substance abuse or financial irresponsibility might offer temporary pleasure but lead to long-term harm.
The other end of the spectrum would be living only for tomorrow, constant planning and preparing without ever stopping to smell the roses. This makes it impossible to also live and find joy in today. You might become so focused on your goals that you neglect to appreciate the journey, to celebrate small victories, and to find happiness in the present.
The ideal is to find a healthy middle ground, to be mindful of the present while still considering the future. Do things now that your future self will thank you for, like making healthy choices, pursuing dreams or achievement, and building strong relationships. And do things now that your present moment will thank you for, like taking time to relax, pursuing hobbies & passions, and showing love and kindness to others.
The past is there to learn from and become a better version of yourself as you enjoy now and tomorrow. Reflect on your experiences, both successes and failures, and use those lessons to grow and improve. Don’t dwell on past mistakes but rather use them as opportunities for self-improvement. And cherish fond memories as they add richness and context to your life.
By embracing this balanced approach, you can live a life that is both meaningful in the moment and fulfilling in the long run. You can find joy and purpose in the present while still working towards a bright future. And through it all, you can become the best version of yourself, living a life you can be proud of.
I’ve learned that sometimes it’s better to be opposite. You don’t have to be similar in everything. In fact, having a lover with different strengths can create a beautifully balanced relationship that parallels the beauty found in harmonies that exist in musical melodies.
Take neuroticism, for example. If my lover is a high neurotic person, she is excellent at “what if” scenarios and preventing problems from happening. She will think through all the potentials, worry a lot, and always have a backup plan to a backup plan to a backup plan. This means she rarely ever has a crisis or a problem but may be stressed out a lot.
On the other hand, low neurotic people are great in a crisis. If I am low neurotic, I’m the calm, level-headed one. I’m the rock that provides a safe grounding for someone going through something stressful. Having a low neurotic lover can be a lifesaver during anxious moments.
I’ve experienced that having both high and low neuroticism in a relationship can be incredibly beneficial. If you have someone preventing a crisis and someone who shines in a crisis, you’re covered. But if you’re both low neurotics, you might find yourselves in trouble – like accumulating financial debt because neither of you is proactive enough about preventing problems.
The key is understanding the mechanics of your differences and leveraging them for your strengths. I’ve learned to pick my traits carefully and communicate openly with my lover, absent of any self-protective armor, about what I need. Even just a small sliver of self-protective armor can sadly sabotage and do a disservice to myself and my lover. If I have a romantic partner and she’s feeling worried or nervous, she can talk through it with me because I’m calm and grounding for her. I won’t get upset or impatient with her. If she were to go to another high neurotic person, they might just make her more anxious! But with me, she finds grounding, safety, and peace.
The beauty of differences can make a loving relationship incredibly resilient. By embracing our unique qualities and learning to support each other, something truly special and emotionally intelligent can be built. So don’t be afraid of differences in relationships. With understanding, communication, a little patience, and the removal of all self-protective armor, you can turn your contrasts into strengths and build a love that lasts.
We’ve all heard the mantra: quitters never win, and winners never quit. But what if I told you that’s only half the story? Quitting isn’t always a bad thing. In fact, it can be a powerful strategy for success that propels you forward. Give yourself permission to quit when it serves you and makes you bigger rather than when it destroys you and makes you smaller.
Think about it like this: if you’re stuck on a path that’s just not working, stubbornly slogging forward won’t get you any closer to your goal. Sometimes, quitting one approach to try a new one that still aligns with your ultimate vision is the smartest move you can make. It’s about quitting the method, not the mission.
However, if you’re quitting on your goal altogether, throwing in the towel the moment things get tough, then you’re setting yourself up for failure. At that point, you’re not just quitting – you’re giving up. And giving up is what makes you a loser.
Society loves to label quitting as the default to instant failure. But the truth is, quitting can be a powerful tool in your arsenal. It all depends on what you’re quitting, and why.
Imagine this: you’re stuck on a flawed approach that’s draining your energy and getting you nowhere. Abandoning that approach to make way for a better one isn’t failure – it’s adaptation. It’s evolution. Think of it like this: Plan A didn’t work, so it’s time to move on to Plan B. Maybe Plan A just needs a little refining rather than a complete overhaul.
That’s where the “fire, ready, aim” philosophy can catapult you forward. This approach is all about taking bold action, recalibrating based on what you’ve learned, refining your approach, and charging forward once again. It’s about creating an endless feedback loop of action, learning, and improvement until you start making real progress.
Just for fun let’s come up with a list of things and ideas that might be worth quitting on..
quit saying no to your health..
quit saying no to opportunity..
quit neglecting your personal growth & development..
quit regularly eating toxic foods..
quit spending time and energy with toxic people..
quit venting on facebook all the time..
quit making excuses..
quit selling your time for a paycheck..
quit being an obedient worker to a system that can take away your income at any time for any reason..
quit anything that isn’t making you better, more free, and happier..
Quit denying your dreams..
And most of all.. Quit hating yummy vegan chocolate =)
So don’t be afraid to quit. Quitting might just be the best decision you ever make. Embrace the “fire, ready, aim” philosophy: act, recalibrate, refine, and charge forward. With this mindset, there’s no obstacle you can’t overcome, and possibly no goal you can’t achieve.
There’s a crucial difference between being hungry to win and being hungry to do what winning requires. The first mindset focuses on the outcome, while the second focuses on the daily actions necessary to achieve that outcome. This subtle shift in perspective can be the difference maker that stacks the odds either for or against you.
Winning Isn’t a Destination
Winning doesn’t happen overnight. It demands consistent, relevant action. As you continually learn, take action, and refine your approach, you’ll inevitably stack the odds in your favor, making winning an almost certain outcome. The alternative, of course, is to quit. But quitting isn’t always a bad thing. It depends on the context. If you’re quitting one approach to try a new one that still aligns with your ultimate goal, then quitting can actually help you win. However, if you’re quitting on your goal altogether, then you’re setting yourself up for failure and at that point you’re just a loser.
The Power of Quitting
Quitting is commonly known as the default to instant failure, but it can be a powerful strategy. It depends on what you’re quitting and why. If you’re abandoning a flawed approach to make a way for a better one, that’s not failure, that’s adaptation. Think of it like this: Plan A didn’t work, so it’s time to move on to Plan B. Maybe Plan A just needs a little refining rather than a complete overhaul. That’s where the “fire, ready, aim” philosophy can catapult a person forward. Take action, recalibrate based on what you’ve learned, refine your approach, and take action again. Repeat this process in an endless loop until you start making reasonable progress in a reasonable amount of time. That’s how you’ll know you’re on the right track. Embrace the “fire, ready, aim” philosophy: act, recalibrate, refine, and charge forward.
Measuring Progress
To gauge your progress, set some markers starting with a baseline. This will give you something to measure against. For example, let’s talk about money. Building wealth is a worthy common goal, and money is easy to quantify. But you have to factor in inflation. If inflation is 4% per year and you’re only growing your wealth by 3%, then you’re actually losing ground. Even if you’re matching inflation, you’re just treading water. You need to be growing your wealth at a rate that outpaces inflation. But what’s a reasonable target? 2% above inflation? 5%? 10%? That’s for you to decide, based on your goals and your finite time.
The Intangible Goals
But what about the goals that can’t be measured? Love, happiness, fulfillment – these are the wins that touch our hearts. We can’t quantify love or joy or fulfillment using numbers.
The best we can do to measure our feelings is by various pain scales such as the Numerical rating scales which uses numbers to rate pain. Or the visual analog scales which asks you to select a picture that best matches your pain level. And the Categorical scales which Primarily uses words, possibly along with numbers, colors, or locations on the body. How do we measure love? The opposite of pain. The best answer I have is to measure the heart flutters, the butterflies in your stomach, the giddiness, the tingles you feel throughout your mind and your body on a scale from 1 to 10. But who wants to do that? When you’re in love you just want to swim in how that feels. And that is totally valid! I’ve never once thought to try and scientifically measure feelings of love I have. When you’re in love, you just want to bask in the glow of it all.
Seizing the Day
At the end of the day, winning often just means having the guts to go for it. To take life by the horns and decide that you’ll do whatever it takes, as long as you keep moving forward. That’s the hunger that leads to winning. So, do, learn, refine, do again, and keep repeating. Embrace the journey, and the wins will follow.
As we age, our hearts undergo some pretty dramatic changes. They start to shrink and get stiffer, kind of like how a rubber band loses its spring over time. This can make it harder for our hearts to pump blood efficiently, which can leave us feeling winded even after light exercise. And that’s not all – it also increases our risk of heart problems down the line.
But here’s the amazing part: exercise, especially the vigorous kind, can actually combat some of these effects. In fact, one landmark study, published by Ben Lavin M.D. of Internal Medicine and Sports Cardiology, found that just two years of intense exercise in people in their 50s could make their hearts look 20 years younger! That’s right, their 50-year-old hearts were indistinguishable from those of 30-year-olds. That’s the power of exercise!
So what kind of exercise are we talking about? The study participants started with a six-month ramp-up period, where they worked their way up to exercising five to six hours a week. A big chunk of that was at what’s called maximal steady state intensity – think of it like the highest level you can sustain without collapsing in a heap. They also threw in some Norwegian 4×4 max interval training.
The results were nothing short of astonishing. After just two years, these 50-year-olds had essentially reversed the aging process in their hearts. That’s the kind of benefit we’re talking about when we talk about vigorous exercise and heart health.
Okay, let’s shift gears and talk about how exercise impacts the way our bodies handle sugar. This is where things get really interesting, especially when it comes to high-intensity interval training (HIIT). It turns out HIIT is way better at improving insulin sensitivity and glucose control than your run-of-the-mill moderate-intensity workouts. And it gets those benefits way faster, too. Sure, any kind of exercise is going to help your muscles get better at handling sugar, but HIIT just does it more efficiently and more powerfully.
So why is that? Well, when you’re doing HIIT, your body is screaming for energy fast. It’s got to rely on both your aerobic (oxygen-using) and anaerobic (non-oxygen-using) systems to deliver. The anaerobic system is what kicks in when you’re really pushing it, and it produces a bunch of lactate as a byproduct. For a long time, everyone thought lactate was basically just waste that made your muscles tired. But it turns out that’s totally wrong.
Lactate is actually used as fuel by your muscles and other tissues like your heart, liver, and brain. It even gets shuttled into your mitochondria (those energy-producing powerhouses inside your cells) to be burned up. And it doesn’t stop there – lactate also acts as a signal, telling your cells to up their game. One of the key messages it sends is to increase the number of glucose transporters on your muscle cells. Those are like little doors that let sugar in. So when lactate builds up during HIIT, it’s like a signal flare going off, telling your muscles to open up those doors and let the glucose flood in. That makes your muscles way more efficient at sucking up sugar from your bloodstream, even when you’re just chillin’ on the couch. And that means your insulin sensitivity gets a big boost, and your blood sugar stays in a healthy range.
There’s been tons of research showing HIIT can improve glucose uptake, crank up insulin sensitivity, and even cut the risk of developing type 2 diabetes. A lot of that probably has to do with the intense metabolic stress of HIIT, which gets those glucose transporters really revved up. And it’s not just about the stress – HIIT also makes your muscles as a whole more fit, which helps them handle sugar better. It’s just that with HIIT, you get that lactate signal right away, telling your muscles to open up those glucose doors. With steady-state cardio, you’ve got to go longer to get the same benefit.
Okay, last thing I want to touch on is how exercise impacts your mitochondria. Those are the little energy factories inside your cells, and they’re way important for everything from your muscles to your brain to your liver. The problem is, as we age, our mitochondria start to lose their mojo. They get less efficient at cranking out energy, and that’s a problem. But there’s a silver lining – exercise, especially the vigorous kind, can actually increase the number of mitochondria you have. This is called mitochondrial biogenesis, and it’s like your cells are adapting to the demand you’re putting on them by building more of those energy factories.
One of the key ways exercise triggers mitochondrial biogenesis is through the metabolic stress of vigorous exercise. Remember how we were just talking about lactate? Well, it’s back again. When you’re doing HIIT and generating a ton of lactate, that lactate acts as a signal to rev up one of the main pathways that controls mitochondrial biogenesis. So when you’re doing that Norwegian 4×4 protocol or any other kind of intense intervals, the lactate you’re generating is like a signal flare telling your cells to build more mitochondria. And that means they’ll be more efficient at producing energy, which is good news for everything from your workouts to your overall health.
When we talk about cardiorespiratory fitness, healthspan, and longevity, one term comes up again and again: VO2 Max (Volume of oxygen consumed maximum). But what exactly is it? Simply put, VO2 Max is your body’s maximum ability to use oxygen during exercise. It’s the gold standard for measuring cardiorespiratory fitness. The higher your VO2 Max, the more efficient your body is at delivering oxygen to your muscles, and the better your overall health and fitness.
Research has consistently shown that higher VO2 Max levels are linked to a lower risk of death and a longer lifespan. In fact, one study found that for every unit increase in VO2 Max (that’s 1 milliliter per kilogram per minute), life expectancy increases by 45 days. For men, a 10-unit increase in VO2 Max was associated with a 70-77% lower risk of death from cancer and an 11% lower risk of death from all causes.
The best part? The greatest longevity benefits from improving your VO2 Max come from moving out of that below-average category. Even going from a below-normal VO2 Max to a low-normal one can increase life expectancy by 2.1 years. Bumping it up to a high-normal VO2 Max is associated with a 2.9-year increase in life expectancy, and reaching the upper limit of normal can add almost 5 years to your life.
So, how can you improve your VO2 Max and reap these incredible benefits? It all starts with moving out of that low fitness group – a shift that can add years to your life. Stunningly, people in the low fitness group face a fivefold higher risk of death compared to elite performers. But here’s the eye-opener: the risk of dying due to low fitness is similar, or even greater, than the risks associated with having heart disease, smoking, or diabetes. Being fitter is a game-changer for your health, no matter your current level. And the best part? There’s always room to improve.
So, how can you take your VO2 Max to the next level? The answer lies in a variety of targeted training protocols. Different training protocols like Zone 2 training and high-intensity interval training (HIIT) can all improve cardiorespiratory fitness and increase VO2 Max. HIIT, in particular, has been shown to significantly improve VO2 Max even with shorter training durations. This is because HIIT recruits both aerobic and anaerobic energy systems and increases the intensity of the workout, resulting in greater cardiovascular stress and triggering powerful adaptations.
But here’s the thing: about 40% of people do not see a measurable increase in their VO2 Max even after months of guideline-based moderate-intensity exercise (about 2.5 hours per week). These “non-responders” only start to see improvements in VO2 Max when they incorporate more vigorous intensity exercise, like HIIT, into their routine. This suggests that adding higher-intensity exercise to your workout routine can help eliminate non-response and lead to greater benefits in cardiorespiratory fitness.
So, how much time should you dedicate to more vigorous versus moderate-intensity exercise? The answer depends on your individual goals, what you enjoy, and what you’ll stick to consistently. For endurance athletes doing extensive amounts of training (between 10-30 hours a week), the 80/20 rule applies: 80% of their training is zone 2, and 20% is shorter, higher-intensity workouts. But this rule shouldn’t be applied to committed or casual exercisers doing under 10 hours a week. For them, at least half (and for casual exercisers, more than half) of their exercise time should be spent doing vigorous exercise to push limits and ensure adaptations.
There are many effective VO2 Max training protocols that incorporate HIIT. One example is doing 3-5 minute intervals at the highest sustainable intensity, with rest and recovery in between, for a total of 20 minutes. Another popular variation is the Norwegian 4×4 interval training protocol, where 4-minute intervals at 85-95% max heart rate are followed by 3 minutes of light recovery. These intervals are repeated four times. A less intense but still effective option is the 1-minute on, 1-minute off protocol, where you do 1 minute of all-out intensity followed by 1 minute of recovery, repeated 10-15 times for about 25 minutes.
Remember, these are just templates and starting points. The best protocol for you will depend on your individual fitness goals and what you can stick to consistently. The key is to find a routine that challenges you, that you enjoy, and that you’ll do regularly. With consistency and intensity, you can improve your VO2 Max, increase your cardiorespiratory fitness, and set yourself up for a longer, healthier, happier life.
Hey there, fitness fans! Today we’re going to geek out on how high-intensity exercise transforms your brain. Yep, you heard that right – transforms. As in, takes it to a whole new level. Now, we all know exercise is brain food, but high-intensity interval training (HIIT) is like the premium stuff. Think neuroprotection, supercharged cognition, and a brain that’s firing on all cylinders.
So, what’s the magic ingredient? Lactate. That’s right, the same stuff you produce when you’re pushing yourself to the limit. During HIIT, your body cranks out lactate like crazy. And here’s the cool part – it’s not just a waste product, it’s a potent signal that sets off a chain reaction of benefits in your brain.
Lactate: The Brain’s Power-Up Fuel
First up, your neurons love lactate. It’s like their favorite energy drink. See, it’s way more efficient for your mitochondria (those are like the power plants of your cells) to use lactate than glucose. And get this – your brain is actually designed to run on lactate. The support cells in your brain, called astrocytes, they’re glucose-guzzlers. They break down glucose and spit out lactate, which your neurons then use for fuel. It’s like a clever little system, right?
Now, here’s where it gets really interesting. When your neurons use lactate, they spare glucose. And that glucose gets diverted to make something called NADPH, which is a key player in creating glutathione, your brain’s top-shelf antioxidant. Think of it like having a superpowered defense system to keep your brain healthy and sharp.
The Lactate Advantage: Traumatic Brain Injury
This gets really important when we talk about traumatic brain injury (TBI). After a TBI, your brain needs all the glutathione it can get, but it also needs glucose for your neurons to function. The problem is, those astrocytes that usually supply lactate get damaged, so there’s a shortage. But here’s the cool part – studies have shown that lactate infusions can improve outcomes for TBI patients. It’s like lactate steps in as a superhero, supplying that critical energy when it’s needed most.
Lactate: The Brain-Building Signal
Okay, so lactate is like a power-up for your neurons, but it’s also a signal that sets off a ton of beneficial changes in your brain. One of the big ones is that it promotes the growth of new mitochondria in your neurons. Think of it like leveling up your brain’s energy production.
And remember how we talked about lactate being a signal? Well, when your neurons use more lactate, they start pumping out neurotransmitters like norepinephrine, which helps you focus and be at the top of your game. It’s like a shot of mental clarity.
But the biggest deal might be that lactate signals your brain to produce more BDNF (brain-derived neurotrophic factor). BDNF is like the ultimate neuroprotector. It helps your neurons survive and thrive, and it’s key to neuroplasticity – your brain’s ability to adapt and change. Higher BDNF levels mean better memory, sharper cognition, and protection against neurodegenerative diseases like Alzheimer’s. It’s like a youth elixir for your brain.
Lactate: The Blood-Brain Barrier Booster
And the benefits don’t stop there. Lactate also signals the blood-brain barrier (that’s the tight barrier that controls what gets into your brain) to produce more VEGF (vascular endothelial growth factor). VEGF is like a call to action for your blood vessels. It promotes angiogenesis, the growth of new tiny vessels, and helps repair damaged ones. Think of it like keeping the roads into your brain clear and flowing.
This is huge, because breakdown of the blood-brain barrier is a major player in brain aging and neuroinflammation. It’s like a vicious cycle that can lead to dementia. So, by promoting healthy blood vessels, lactate is helping to keep your brain young and resilient.
The Bottom Line: HIIT for a Higher Brain
Now, don’t get me wrong, all exercise is awesome for your brain. The increased blood flow, the improved cardiovascular fitness, the rush of neurotransmitters and endorphins – it all adds up to a brain that’s performing at its best. But there’s something special about HIIT, about pushing yourself to that point where you’re producing a ton of lactate.
It’s like you’re unleashing a cascade of benefits that take your brain to the next level. You’re fueling your neurons, supercharging your defenses, promoting growth and adaptation, and keeping your brain young and resilient. And it’s all thanks to that hard work you’re putting in when you push yourself to the limit.
So, next time you’re mid-workout and you feel that burn, just remember – you’re not just building a stronger body, you’re building a superpowered brain. Now, that’s a workout worth pushing for.
Imagine your heart, 20 years younger. Sounds like science fiction, right? But that’s exactly what happened in a groundbreaking study on exercise and aging. As we age, our hearts undergo changes – they shrink, stiffen, and lose function. This increases our risk of cardiovascular disease and decreases our ability to exercise. But what if you could reverse these changes?
Researchers at UT Southwest in Dallas studied 50-year-old sedentary adults who didn’t have type 2 diabetes or cardiovascular disease. The participants were placed on one of two exercise protocols: a control group that did light stretching and bodyweight exercises, and a high-intensity exercise group. The high-intensity group did the same light exercises as the control group but also added vigorous workouts to their routine. This included 4-5 hours of training per week, with a significant portion at maximum steady-state intensity (think 75-80% max heart rate for 20-30 minutes) and a session of high-intensity interval training (HIIT) per week.
After two years, the high-intensity group’s hearts had structurally changed to resemble those of 30-year-olds. Their hearts were larger and more flexible. Essentially, the high-intensity exercise protocol had reversed 20 years of aging in their hearts.
But the benefits of high-intensity exercise don’t stop at the heart. Blood pressure decreases with regular vigorous exercise are comparable to those seen with antihypertensive medications. High blood pressure is a major risk factor for cardiovascular disease and has recently been established as one of the most important early risk factors for dementia and Alzheimer’s disease. So, the fact that exercise can improve blood pressure as well as drugs is incredibly encouraging.
Now, let’s talk about the brain benefits of getting your heart rate up high. When you push your muscles to work so hard that they can’t get oxygen fast enough, they adapt by using glucose for energy without the mitochondria. This process, called anaerobic metabolism, produces lactate as a byproduct. Lactate was once thought to be a waste product, but it’s actually a very energy-efficient fuel source that’s used by the muscles, brain, heart, and liver. It’s easier to make energy from lactate than glucose.
Lactate also acts as a signaling molecule. When you exercise, your muscles communicate with the rest of your body through lactate. This triggers adaptations like increased muscle size and cardiovascular improvements. The brain, which works hard during exercise, also responds to lactate. One of the key ways it responds is by increasing production of a molecule called brain-derived neurotrophic factor (BDNF). BDNF promotes the growth of new neurons in the hippocampus, a region of the brain important for learning and memory. It also supports neuroplasticity, the brain’s ability to adapt to a changing environment. People with depression have low levels of BDNF and neuroplasticity, which makes it hard for them to adapt and leads to depressive symptoms. So, high-intensity exercise is a great way to boost your brain health by increasing BDNF.
Lactate also signals the brain to make neurotransmitters like norepinephrine and serotonin. Studies have shown that even just 10 minutes of high-intensity interval training can improve cognition and mood by increasing these neurotransmitters. The protocols that maximize BDNF production involve high intensity and duration, such as 30-40 minutes at 80% max heart rate or 6 minutes of all-out HIIT intervals separated by recovery periods.
Finally, let’s talk about the anti-metastatic effects of vigorous exercise. We all know that exercise is one of the best ways to prevent cancer, but it also has benefits as an adjunct cancer treatment. One of the ways it does this is by killing circulating tumor cells through the shearing forces of increased blood flow. Circulating tumor cells escape the primary tumor, enter the bloodstream, and try to travel to other tissues and metastasize. But these cells are sensitive to the mechanical stress of blood flow and die when exposed to it. So, getting your blood flow up through exercise has an anti-metastatic effect.
In conclusion, high-intensity exercise has incredible benefits for both the heart and the brain. It can reverse 20 years of aging in the heart, improve blood pressure, boost brain health by increasing BDNF and neurotransmitters, reduce depression, and even have anti-metastatic effects. So, get out there and get your heart rate up – your body (and brain) will thank you!
Depression, it could simply be a matter of the brain’s inability to adapt to change due to low levels of BDNF and neuroplasticity. This concept shatters the traditional view of depression as strictly a chemical imbalance or genetic predisposition. Instead, it illuminates the critical role our brain’s resilience plays in withstanding life’s inevitable trials. Healthy levels of BDNF and neuroplasticity equip the brain to deftly navigate change, even the heart-wrenching kind that plunges us into depression – a soul-crushing breakup, the devastating loss of a loved one, or grueling life circumstances. Think of BDNF and neuroplasticity as the brain’s coping mechanisms, its capacity to flex and yield without shattering in the face of adversity.
This prompts an intriguing question: Am I succumbing to depression because of a painful circumstance in my life, or is my depression a result of inadequate brain health, with insufficient BDNF and neuroplasticity to adapt to life’s painful twists and turns? This potent question reframes our focus, shifting it from the external stressor to our internal fortitude in the face of that stress. It beckons us to explore whether our neural arsenal is equipped to weather life’s tempests without surrendering to the clutches of depression.
I put forth these ideas not to heap guilt upon those wrestling with depression, but to offer powerful empowering thought experiments. These reflections can guide us through life’s most jarring upheavals, illuminating a path towards emotional liberation from depression’s oppressive grip. Depression is a formidable foe that commands compassion and treatment. Yet, by grasping the pivotal role of BDNF and neuroplasticity, we can become proactive architects of our own healing journey.
So how does an individual go about a healthy production of BDNF and neuroplasticity from the brain? Lactate, a byproduct of intense physical exertion, serves as a potent messenger molecule. When you push your body to its limits through vigorous exercise, such as high intensity interval training (HIIT), your muscles engage in a dialogue with the rest of your body via a byproduct of vigorous exercise called lactate. This biochemical conversation sparks a cascade of adaptations, such as healthy muscle growth and enhanced cardiovascular prowess. The brain, which labors tirelessly during exercise, is also a keen listener to lactate’s signals. One of its key responses is to ramp up production of brain-derived neurotrophic factor (BDNF). BDNF is a tireless champion of neuronal growth in the hippocampus, a region in the brain vital for forging new memories, learning, and having insights which are valuable in moments of deep self-reflection. It also nurtures neuroplasticity, the brain’s remarkable ability to mold and adapt to a shifting landscape. In essence, exercise is the ultimate brain fertilizer, nourishing it to flourish with strength and resilience.
For those grappling with depression, low BDNF and neuroplasticity can render the brain inflexible, struggling to keep pace with life’s relentless ebb and flow. Their minds may feel brittle, as if on the brink of shattering under the weight of uncertainty. This is where high-intensity exercise emerges as a shining beacon of hope. By turbocharging BDNF production, it’s a natural elixir to bolster brain health. Prioritizing exercise allows us to take the reins in fortifying our neural defenses, cultivating the resilience needed to thrive even when challenged. Through physical movement, we become the architects of a stronger, more agile brain, one better equipped to withstand the tempests of depression.
Picture this: you’re blending up a smoothie, tossing in those antioxidant-packed and polyphenol loaded blueberries, feeling like a total health rockstar… only to unwittingly add in ingredients that completely undermine those benefits.
The Culprits: Bananas, Beets, Chard, and Swiss Chard.
These otherwise powerfully healthy foods contain an enzyme called polyphenol oxidase. And as the name suggests, it’s like a wrecking ball for polyphenols – the very compounds you’re trying to get from your blueberries!
I used to be a banana-in-my-smoothie kind of guy. I loved how it added creaminess… until I discovered the polyphenol oxidase problem. And let me tell you, it evolved my smoothie game and I’m sad to say these polyphenol counteracting ingredients are found in every smoothie shop out there.
But wait, it gets worse. A 2023 study found that when people drank a smoothie with blueberries and banana, their polyphenol levels plummeted compared to those who had the blueberries alone. That means all those great brain benefits from the blueberries were essentially blocked by the banana!
There is really not a lot of foods you can put into a smoothie that would degrade the polyphenols, but of the ones that would counteract the polyphenols with their high polyphenol oxidase enzyme includes bananas, beets, anything in that family such as chard, and swiss chard. These foods are wonderful foods with powerful health benefits, just don’t put them in with blueberries. An ideal green that works beautifully with blueberries in your smoothies would be Kale Leaves, Spinach, or Romain Lettuce.
The Smoothie Recipe That Actually Works
Okay, enough about what not to do. Here’s my revised smoothie template recipe that boosts the benefits of those blueberries I got based from a recipe by Dr. Rhonda Patrick of Cell Biology and Biochemistry:
4 Kale leaves
1 Avocado
Copious amounts Frozen blueberries
Protein powder (I use Plant-Based Shakeology which includes 16 grams of Protein per serving. I do 2 servings a day)
hydrolyzed collagen (not needed if you have a good protein powder)
A heaping tablespoon of Moringa powder (this stuff is like a polyphenol supercharger!)
Water
About the Moringa powder. It’s like magic. It activates the same genetic pathways as sulforaphane (found in broccoli sprouts) to increase antioxidants in the brain, lower DNA damage, and more. Plus, it helps control blood sugar spikes from the smoothie!
Upgrade Your Smoothie Game
Ditch the banana! Add avocado instead for creaminess as well as it’s own health benefits.
Sneak in some kale, spinach or romaine.
Avoid beets and chard (save them for your salads)
Consider adding Moringa powder for an extra polyphenol boost and help with controlling blood sugar spikes.
Now it’s your turn! Give me your smoothie recipe and I’ll grade it for you.
When past mistakes have caused pain, it’s natural to wonder if they’ll happen again. In long-term relationships, hurtful moments are likely, but the key question is: were they intentional? And can two lovers maturely use these moments to grow stronger and more in love?
Promising to never hurt someone is unrealistic. A more mature promise might be: “I’ll never intentionally hurt you, and when I unintentionally do, I’ll own up to it and we’ll grow from it.” Imperfect moments will come, but the goal is to never deceive, even in poor judgment, to shed all self protective armor, and to be rooted in love instead of fear or ego. True safety comes from vulnerability, love over fear, and the knowledge that hurtful moments will be met with awareness, growth, and a stronger bond.
Closing ourselves off, or communicating in bad faith is a disservice to all involved. Painful admissions are sometimes necessary. External challenges are easier to overcome than the internal ones where one partner has unintentionally hurt the other. If something matters, it can’t be an unspoken assumption. Verbalizing commitments feels good for both lovers. A commitment to growth and love instead of fear and silence.
Are we building a relationship together with shared goals? Do we both have a place in each other’s future plans? Can we envision a shared future together?
These are fundamental questions that are often overlooked or ignored. It may feel raw and even terrifying to address them head-on, but it’s a healthier way forward for both partners involved. If we’re just casually dating, it may not matter as much, but if our feelings are mutual and we’re truly rising in love, these questions deserve to be answered openly and honestly.
Gaining clarity and a shared vision for the future can be incredibly exciting. When we understand how we fit into each other’s plans and can see a shared vision take shape, we can watch our vision for a life together crystalize, and that’s something to be thrilled about. Feeling safe and nurtured with our lover, knowing that when hurt occurs they’ll be addressed with openness, care, and ultimate, deeper love, makes the heart and soul feel wonderful. Rather than feeling ashamed for wanting to have these conversations, we feel honored and loved. Perhaps this is the notable difference between falling in love or RISING in love between two lovers.
What begins as a moment of immaturity can evolve into a stepping stone toward greater self-awareness and lasting change. Sometimes, a mistake or error in judgment serves as the ultimate catalyst for profound personal growth. But the question of meaningfulness: is this change one of evolution or devolution? Change is an inevitability, but the true measure lies in whether it refines or diminishes our humanity.
When assessing mistakes, I’ve come to realize that intention holds weight. The mistake, or error in judgement; was this intentionally nefarious or unintentionally hurtful to another human you really love? When someone hurts me I always consider intention because where someones heart is has deep meaning. The hurt inflicted by those we love resonates deeply, and understanding where their heart stood at the time sheds light on their actions. Yet, there exists a spectrum of errors, ranging from those that may heal with time to others that leave scars too deep to fully forgive.
Certain errors in judgement can be so soul shaking it changes your physical DNA structure forever, leaving an indelible mark on our being. This speaks to the intricate bond between our physical and non physical selves, and the necessity of nurturing both physical and non physical for holistic well-being. When you change forever in this way at your DNA it solidifies that this particular error in judgement could never be repeated again. THAT PART OF YOU HAS DIED BY THE PAIN that was inflicted. That moment of bad judgement can never be resurrected, instead it stays in the past only to be reflected upon as a lesson etched into our soul serving as a guide for a more evolved present and future. It makes a person a better human and a better lover.
In this way, our mistakes, though painful, can be the crucible in which we are refined. They challenge us to grow, to love more wisely, and to become better versions of ourselves for ourselves and for our lover. And it is in this evolution, this rise from the ashes of our former selves, that we find the grace to forgive, to be forgiven, to heal, and to love and be loved again, deeper and more fully than before.
I recently had an eye-opening experience in a dance class that I naturally thought of parallels for in how we approach intimate relationships. The teacher taught us about the five connections we must internalize as dancers, in order of priority. The number one priority is the connection you have with yourself. This self-connection is the foundation upon which all else is built. It’s about being fully present in your own body, aware of your breath, and centered in your power.
The next priority is your connection to the floor. This represents your grounding and stability. Just as a tree must have deep roots to weather life’s storms, we must feel secure and supported to move through the world with grace and confidence.
After that is your connection with your partner. This is about trust, communication, and harmony. When both partners are in sync, the dance becomes a beautiful, seamless co-created expression of unity.
The fourth connection is with the music. This is where emotion and passion intensifies. The music is the heart and soul of the dance, and surrendering to its rhythm allows us to express our deepest feelings and connect with something greater than ourselves.
The final, and lowest priority, is the actual dance moves themselves. This may seem shocking, as most dance classes focus predominantly on mastering the steps. But without the first four connections, the moves are empty and lackluster. They are the outer expression, the physical manifestation of the deeper connections.
This prioritization of connections has profound parallels in our romantic and intimate relationships. A healthy relationship requires, first and foremost, a deep connection with ourselves. We must know and love ourselves in order to fully open to another. Next is our connection to the earth, our sense of grounding and well-being. Then comes our connection with our lover, built on trust, open communication, and harmony. After that is our connection with the external environment, our community and the world around us. And lastly, the activities we do together, the outward expressions of our love.
When we prioritize these connections, the activities we do together become infused with meaning and joy. If I’m in love with a woman, I’ll cherish every moment with her, no matter what we’re doing. Whether we’re cooking dinner, taking a walk, literally dancing, co-creating music, making love, traveling, or simply sitting together in silence, I’ll be fully present and engaged. Our reciprocating emotional passion will make every experience a dance of love and connection. And, if I happen to be in a loving relationship with an intimate partner who also is an actual dance, then we can share in this paralleled dance both literally and figurative together.
Can you tell the difference? Physical passion intensely desires a body; emotional passion deeply loves a heart and soul. Emotional passion dominates, offering a unique lens through which to see the one you love.
Physical passion fades after orgasm; emotional passion pulses before, during, and after, intensifying even sexless intimacy. Emotional passion is a heart-to-heart connection, effortless like breathing. Physical passion is fleeting, like conquering a video game level, only to pursue the next conquest. The push-pull of “come here, I don’t want you” reveals its cognitive dissonance and shows up in physical symptoms.
Sharing reciprocal emotional passion nourishes physical and emotional well-being, a wholesome union of body and soul. Yet we often forget to nurture this interconnection holistically. Emotional passion is rare for me, yet it fulfills in ways physical passion cannot. True emotional passion prioritizes a lover’s happiness above one’s own, even if it means letting go. It’s easy like breathing is easy.
Real love creates space, understanding, and safety. It sheds ego and armor, favors clarity over confusion, and chooses love over fear. Real love heals, grows, and transforms challenges into opportunities. It stands naked, vulnerable, and enthusiastically reciprocated. Investing emotions risks repercussions, but real love fuels growth and strengthens bonds.
Investing emotions in a lover can have emotional repercussions. Love, like a work of art, is open to interpretation and can get lost in translation. It’s the real love combined with emotional passion that drives a mutual reciprocating desire to show up in good faith, understand the other, and ultimately uses the challenge at hand as a steppingstone for growth and an even stronger relationship connection built on a foundation that resembles more like concrete than quicksand.
In a recent dance class I learned about 5 different connections in order of priority. Priority number 1 is the connection you have with yourself. Next priority is your connection to the floor. After that is your connection with your partner, then with the music, and finally the lowest priority is the dance moves themselves which happens to be what most dance classes focus most on. Isn’t that crazy? The one thing we put the most focus on, the actual dance moves, ranks dead last in a prioritized list of the 5 connections. Can you see the parallels here? This prioritized list of five connections in a healthy relationship could be connection with yourself first, connection with the earth second, connection with your lover third, connection with the external environment forth, and lastly the activities you and your lover do together. If I’m in love with a woman I am going to enjoy my time with her regardless of what we are doing because we have reciprocating emotional passion. I’m going to elaborate more on this niche topic matter in my very next blog style post very soon. It’s worth exploring more.
Give and receive love.
My soul needs to give and receive love, selectively but often.
When the person you hold dearest is also the root of your anguish, their presence ignites an unbearable paradox within you.
Their actions, their words, their very presence seems to both captivate and wound you, as if your very soul is being stretched to the breaking point by two opposing forces.
You’re trapped in a cycle of yearning and hurting, of needing them yet fearing the potential for further pain they bring.
This paradox births a whirlwind of confusion that ravages your mind, leaving it reeling and paralyzed.
The love you harbor for them battles against the torment they inflict, forging an inescapable storm of conflicting emotions.
Each moment with them is a razor’s edge, cutting deeper into your soul with a pain that threatens to consume you.
Yet, the mere thought of their absence conjures a hollowness so profound it echoes through every fiber of your being.
This paradox, this agonizing tangle of love and pain, immobilizes your mind.
It renders you helpless, ensnared in a torment of your own making. For in loving them, you have become your own worst enemy, forever trapped in this cycle of anguish and yearning.
The question is, what builds real attraction and chemistry more powerfully than anything including anything sexual?
Nothing tops building attraction more than two people who are so well connected to themselves that they can connect to each other through healthy playful banter.
Being able to banter with someone says a lot about who you are. It’s much deeper than just the banter. It reveals your emotional intelligence, wisdom, if you’re quick thinking, witty, creative, not boring, playful, emotionally attractive, intellectually strong, if you have confidence, maturity, and on and on. The ability to Banter in a playful healthy way cannot be overstated.
Banter is also the best Segway into getting to know you kind of conversation with somebody because now you’re emotionally mutually invested for a much more meaningful get to know you kind of conversation.
If everything is always logical and feels more like an interview the connection is boring. There is no sex appeal to that. Having a good balance of banter and logical getting to know you type conversation is exciting and arousing.
Most people do not have a healthy connection with themselves which has created a toxic unhealthy dating pool with very few exceptions.
So few people realize the importance of playful banter and the balance of that with logical getting to know you type of conversation.
This isn’t true just for romantic connections but also friendships and relationships of all kinds.
What are your thoughts and opinions of this? How important is a well balanced conversation of playful banter and logistical? Have you been with potential dating prospects that are all logistical and you found yourself bored out of your mind but wasn’t sure why?
I am a fish out of water on and off the dance floor.
I love dancing with a partner but I have to force myself or I’ll never ask anyone to dance.
I put myself in social settings most nights of every week but it’s more comfortable for me to stay home.
“What the fuck was that?” I silently ask myself after dancing with my follows.
Once in a while I feel a rewarding connection with a follow but it’s only temporary. When I ask that same follow for a dance at the next social that connection is no longer there.
In social settings I rarely ever vibe so I just observe and redirect where I do vibe. I will change venues and locales without notice or communication until I vibe or until I would rather go home.
One on one interactions tend to be more meaningful with depth and clarity but those are temporary too.
Why do I perpetually put myself in these circumstances?
I want to grow, learn, expand my understanding, and most of all I genuinely love dancing and being in social settings even through feeling like a fish out of water.
My motivation is curiosity. “Let’s see what happens” is my backstop and my mantra. Do I want to ask this lady to dance? Let’s see what happens. Do I want to go to this social event? Let’s see what happens. I’m perfectly fine leaving anytime I wish and I often do.
People are at the end of their ropes in extreme despair and an existence of torture.
Love Is Never enough. People are hardwired to feel included, loved, and heard.
Relationships of all kinds are supposed to be nurtured, not neglected with the well-meaning intention of getting around to it “someday”.
Over busyness and using technological advances to create further isolation are formidable enemies to The Human Condition.
People are the problem and solution.
The homosapian brain is the most advanced brain of any species in the history of planet Earth and an argument can easily be made that we’ve collectively wasted it.
So, I’ve decided I’m keeping these 3 items exactly how they are for the time being <3 Love and appreciation to the women who love and appreciate men with standards.
I feel like the existence of my facebook profile is doing a lot of the heavy lifting for me. That’s what I call good leverage that frees up more time to focus my energy on who and where it matters.
The rampid widespread bad behavior of women in the dating pool is a daily reminder of how important it is to screen and filter before even setting up a date. I’m sure this is true for women also. If you’re a man or a woman you have to have clear standards that does not tolerate the bad behavior. I’ve never been on a date that was not fun because I do a good job at weeding out the bad dates before they have a chance to happen. Thank goodness. So yes, a mad love shout out to women with standards who also love men with standards.
Always be yourself. Let the wrong people weed themselves out and they will <3
“Tom! You dance with all those gorgeous ladies in the videos you post and you’ve got so much going for you how are you still single? Why are you not dating any of those gorgeous ladies in the videos you’re dancing with???”
I’m commonly asked this very valid question and I have a really great answer.
The studio I go to for most of my dance lessons is a tight community. They are friendly and welcoming to new people. This is special because communities that are tight are typically not as accepting and welcoming of people outside of their already existing community. This context is needed for my answer.
There are three reasons I haven’t dated anyone in the dance community. In no particular order..
I want to keep the dance community a safe sanctuary type of place. For obvious reasons dating can cause awkward and uncomfortable situations in an area where we are all dancing with each other and often times very up close in our personal spaces. Some of the partner combos we rotate through with each other are very sensual with lots of body connection points. There is chest to chest contact, hip to hip contact, tracing of the arms in a sensual demeanor etc. If someones heart gets broken it can make it extremely difficult to heal from in an environment like this. It would flat out suck if someone has to decide between dance or healing if they cannot be done simultaneously. It could also create gossip, people talking behind each others backs, and people taking sides and splintering off from the community that was once whole.
Over the past 10 months I have had several surface level crushes. Some of them I might even take some risk and ask out on a date if not for the rationale I just gave. I’ve received some indications from some of the ladies but nothing strong enough to warrant asking any of them out. In that particular safe environment I need a woman to send me strong indicators that she would be enthusiastic about me asking her out or I’m not going to do it, period.
I’ve never been asked out! That’s pretty straight forward. It would be great if more girls did the initiating and the asking but unfortunately in our culture most of the time it’s up to the man. If I’m enthusiastically interested in the woman asking me out I’m going to enthusiastically say yes. This is all true in and outside of the dance community.
In summation, I want to do my part in keeping the dance community a safe environment for everyone who is passionate about dancing. However, if there is a strong enough connection with a woman, I am a romantic, I will absolutely ask her out on a real date and she will be one exceedingly happy lady being invited into my exciting life that I’ve built on purpose. There is no doubt!
I hope you got some great insight into the workings of my brain. Not just in direct answer to the posed question but some of my driving philosophies in dating and in romance at large.
Feel free to share this and I would love your feedback in the comments. Am a taking the right precautions in your opinion given the nature of the dance environment I described? Would you ask someone out less cautiously than me? Would you be even more cautious than me even if you’re really interested in someone and you are getting indicators from them as well? How would you operate here? I would love to know. Maybe your method of operation will help me fine tune mine or others reading in the comments as well. My favorite positive about the comments section is it’s always an opportunity for people to help and support each other.
Orgasmic pathways dot com is my website. Orgasmic pathways dot com. Natural health, healthy recipes, fitness, music, dance, philosophy, and whatever else I feel like.
You’re a “simp” if you do this. Don’t do that or you’re a simp! Lots of rules to follow to avoid being a simp! You know what an actual simp is? A man (or woman!) who chases after someone who has pulled away.
They say don’t send a woman a good morning text because only simps do that. BS – If she (or he) is interested in you she will reciprocate.
They say don’t text a woman right away. Wait a couple days or you’re a simp! BS – If she is interested in you she will love hearing from you and she will put real effort into engaging in the conversation with you.
You know what all of these so called simp rules are? They are games. It’s a rule book for how to play games and toy with peoples emotions. It’s the equivalent of pissing in the dating pool which has made the water toxic for everyone.
If a woman ( or man ) is not showing up with any effort or emotional investment then they are not interested in you or they are playing a game. If you feel confused then most likely they are not interested in you. If someone is distancing themselves from you, from investing any effort with you and you still send the good morning texts, the various ego pumping meaningless pointless validations toward her, then you are chasing rather than pursuing and that’s what simps do.
Good humans are frustrated when you show really low effort in conversation.
What we truly desire is reciprocation because it demonstrates you really care about us and the relationship.
We rely on you being able to communicate. It’s extremely frustrating to good people when we are expected to read your mind instead of getting a straight forward answer. This is why you don’t want to play games with a good human because those types of games we want no part in we can spot from a mile away just before walking away, from you.
Without reciprocation or at least a clear show of effort you’re either playing those simp games and we will walk away which will leave you frustrated because you lost us as a result of some really bad simp rule you subscribed to from someone else who told you it was a good idea. Or, if there is no reciprocation the other possibility is you’re genuinely not interested so it becomes on us to move on and enjoy our lives we built for ourselves that we are proud to live and eventually invite the right woman to be part of. Either way, no outwardly expressed reciprocation means move on.
A quick fix for a very toxic dating pool would simply be for all of us to move on when there is no reciprocation. I’m sure that will never happen but all of us individually are in control of our own decisions and one silver lining to our toxic dating pool is it makes it easy for us good humans to positively stand out and there is worthwhile value in that. Fellow good humans will recognize that and appreciate it.
At the end of the day it’s about attracting someone for a healthy reciprocating relationship where both humans involved are investing effort, energy, time, nourishment, and growth. If it’s about simply hooking up with someone then that’s an entirely different conversation. I personally won’t perpetuate hook up culture I think it does more emotional harm than good because it’s so vacuous and empty. To each their own but my video and blog channels are not going to prop up and perpetuate hook up culture. My content is for people who are attracted to healthy long term reciprocating relationships of all kinds.
What are some examples you have of games that have been played on you that you spotted from a mile away? How do you respond when you recognize you are being gamed? I love the more meaningful comments because they not only help me refine myself but others reading the comments also get benefit from your experiences too.
My favorite positive about the comments section is it’s always an opportunity for people to help and support each other.
Orgasmic pathways dot com is my website. Orgasmic pathways dot com. Natural health, healthy recipes, fitness, music, dance, philosophy, and whatever else I feel like.
Men have screwed up the psychology of women so thoroughly that women will drive out good men who will not chase her or compete against her bad behaviors.
Women are so overwhelmed, emotionally drained, and physical sick from the bad behaviors of men that they’ve put up impenetrable walls that go beyond being justifiably cautious.
Here is what men need to do. I don’t give a fffffflip what anyone says because this is 100% true.
Men need to give women their time and space to heal from the onslaught of bad experiences from men. Men need to start focusing on themselves to develop an exciting life they are actually proud of and worth while of inviting a woman into.
Women, from a good mans perspective I would highly recommend you swear off dating until you are healed. At the moment, most of you woman are so badly traumatized that a good man most likely won’t be recognized as a good man. If you are healed, if your engine is running clean and healthy, it becomes easy for you to discern a good man from the bad ones who perhaps also need to focus on their own healing instead of dating.
Most women have no congruence between what they say they want and what they actually do. I hate to say this but when you hear most woman say what they are looking for in a man it’s either directly not true, or, not true based on critical omissions. A woman with a healthy connection to herself is going to be a woman who is congruent between what she says and what she does.
Men will buy women drinks they don’t even know. On dating apps the average woman will receive over 100 likes in the same amount of time it will take the average guy to receive 1 like (this is literal!). Women receive so much pointless validation from men that it screws their heads up to the point of developing entitlement behavior of asking men for resources and then expecting men to always say yes no matter what. When a man has standards and enough self worth to say “no” to a woman she is shocked because she’s not use to being said “no” to when asking him for access to his wallet.
Men, stop buying women you don’t know a drink! When a woman asks you to buy her a drink say “no!”. Not rudely or politely; indifferently. “No” is a one word sentence. Women! “No” is a one word sentence. Recipients of a telemarketers sales pitch! “No” is a one word sentence! Men, you have brain worms if you think you’re getting closer to sex or even a date just because you give a woman access to your wallet. She is just using you for free stuff! She is going to have more respect for someone like me who says “no!”. If she is going to go out on a date with someone it’s more likely going to be the odd man of standards who doesn’t blindly pump her ego with pointless validation. You don’t stand out when you buy a woman you don’t know a drink. She has an endless sea of lazy men who are doing the same thing as you. All of you are peeing in the same dating pool; making it toxic for everyone with your endless pointless ego pumping validation toward women.
Online and offline you’re compliments focus on their looks. You don’t think they hear that ALL THE TIME from men they don’t even know? You don’t stand out! How does that not sink into your heads?
Also, women love sex just as much as men but they have the burden of worrying about being thought of as slutty or at fault if it turns out bad which it almost always does! So stop using forced sexual banter! Let that happen organically over the passing of time without any agenda! Go home and masturbate if you need to get off. Get that out of your system before you go out so you don’t make a jackass out of yourself, men.
I could tell you fantastic stories of experiences I’ve had simply saying “no” to a woman I don’t even know asking me to buy her a drink. I’ll share one because it represents the macro.
I was on one of my trips to a far away and exotic tropical locale. A physically attractive woman dressed up all sexy approached me with a nice compliment on my appearance. She admired my posture and how well put together I was with my fashion sense. I had an idea what was most likely going to come next but I gave her a fair chance with me without projecting past women onto this one. Unfortunately she did proceed to do what most other women do. Her compliments might have been genuine but they were also meant to disarm me when she followed up with, “They make really good drinks here I would just love it if you bought us a drink.” To which I said, “I’m not drinking but I’m sure the bartender would be thrilled to sell you a drink if you want to buy one.”. The look on her face was the same one I always get in return when I say No to a woman. She was stunned. A deer in the headlights. She didn’t know what to say. Clearly she was not use to being said “no” to. Clearly she NEVER has to buy her own drink because their is an endless supply of lazy dopey brain dead men lacking the self worth or the standards to say “no” to a woman.
I’m attracted to women who are attracted to men who have standards and self worth. This is my backstop philosophy driving my decision to say “no” to a woman in this particular circumstance. If a woman is offended over my standards then she is not for me anyway so what do I care.
The EASIEST THING IN THE WORLD FOR A WOMAN TO GET IS A MAN (WITH NO STANDARDS).
Every woman knows I am dead on right whether they want to admit it out loud or not.
One of my ex female friends severed our friendship over that observation I made because she knows it’s dead on true and she hasn’t dealt with that reality in a healthy way but instead a history of being treated terribly by the men she has chosen. It’s self sabotage if you’re a woman.
The EASIEST THING IN THE WORLD FOR A WOMAN TO GET IS A MAN (WITH NO STANDARDS).
Look at that statement logically and the end game it leads to when you apply it. Women, If you go with a guy who has no standards or self worth it’s a toxic unhealthy relationship before it even gets started. Same thing with you MEN! If you’re a man and you get upset when you buy a woman a drink who ultimately does not have sex with or date you you’re being an idiot. Stop pissing in the pool. You’re swimming in your own piss. Stop being a jackass. The rest of us don’t want to swim in your piss pool either so STOP! ALL MEN, STOP!
The way to improve dating culture is for men to start saying “no” to women in the situations I described.
In an overwhelming generalization women dominate the dating scene. They decide who goes on a date and who has sex. A fair argument can be made that men decide who gets into a real relationship but that’s another topic for another day.
The power dynamic is so insanely one sided between men and women that men are better positioned to begin this leveling and healing process for everyone simply by saying “no” to women. If enough men do this, then the unhealthy part of womens egos everywhere would be destroyed. This would force the mind to become fertile for needed healing and for personal growth and development which makes all of us more attractive on a deeper more meaningful level. Once individuals have beautiful healthy connections with themselves they could develop beautiful healthy organic unforced connections with other human beings.
I have a great loving connection with myself. I can connect with other humans all day long. When I’m connecting with another human who is also well connected with themselves then that connection goes to a whole other level and that is sadly extremely rare which says a lot about how truly sick our culture is on a depressingly wide scale. This does not only apply to potential lovers, but friends and relationships of all kinds.
IF men would start to say “no” to women then women would no longer have the entitled mentality of never having to pay her own way and the domino affect of other unhealthy mindsets from there. Men would no longer be expected to feel ok about being treated like a human ATM machine. Men and women could focus on getting to know each other to see how it really feels deep down inside and be ok with recognizing mismatches without dehumanizing the other. Love and understanding could be the focus. Treating other humans as property of micro management could become a thing of the past. Unfair projections of past bad behavior on future connections could cease to exist. The frustrations of tip toeing around constant eggshells because god forbid someone decides to take offense will not be tolerated anymore! Gratitude, graciousness, PASSION, loveliness, deep romantic kissing with an amazing partner…sigh… That sounds better than the culture we have now.
Men, stop being wusses and start saying “no”. I don’t care what anyone says women want you to start saying “no”! Women find standards and self worth to be more attractive than constant ‘yes’ men. In the meantime you’re making it so easy for me to positively stand out but I would much rather feel a healthy culture. Out of my own self interest I’m tired of having to walk away from otherwise good women who have been traumatized and not at all ready for a healthy relationship. ALL OF US are sick and tired of being sick and tired. So MEN, stop being wusses and start saying “no”.
Here is something horrifying I want to share with you based on personal experiences. I have dated women before where she freaked out because she was not use to a man with standards and self worth. She was not use to being treated with love, passion, respect, not treated like human property, not placed on a pedestal, not a constant ‘yes’ man, encouraging of her dreams and ambitions etc. These particular women I’ve witnessed run from the potential of a healthy relationship only to go back to what she was familiar with. I’ve seen women leave good men to go back to the same ole some ole and get beaten, sometimes physically, as well as emotionally. Women, you’ve got to stop dating for the time being and heal yourselves so you’ll never allow yourselves to be treated like you are someones property ever again. You’ve got to stop looking for the endless pointless validation from men in the form of buying you stuff and praising you online every time you upload a sexy picture. Men, you’ve got to stop being wusses and start saying ‘no’. It’s time to clean up the piss from the pool.
If you have something you’d like to add, a story you’d like to share, a new commitment you’re making to yourself or a future partner, drop your words in the comments let’s learn from and support each other. Or if you just wanna tell me how great and healthy my skin looks that’s cool to who am I to say no to that!
Orgasmic pathways dot com is my website. Orgasmic pathways dot com. Choose your pathways. Bye for now. To be continued..
Share this! Hit the share button and put something out there that is out of the boring pointless ordinary. Your friends might appreciate you for waking them from the mindless monotony that everyone else is regurgitating.
A disagreement with a divine partner will turn into a conversation, that will lead to changed behavior or a solution.
It’s important you know the difference.
It’s a refreshing Rarity when I see a healthy relationship. The overwhelming majority of people are not attracted to healthy relationships, they are attracted to relationships that physically make them sick and emotionally drained.
It’s fun to share some of these odd interactions and get feedback from you beautiful people.
We were having a nice conversation about nature, outdoor activities, renewable energy and self-sufficient living. Then suddenly out of nowhere, bam! You can read it in the screenshot I captured here.
I’m speculating she has a past of men who have treated her terribly and sadly she’s not responding to her past in a healthy way going forward at this point.
I give it a 50/50 chance that she even read my response explaining why she might have been under the impression I have multiple profiles while in reality I just have just one. She may have no idea I responded. Or maybe she did read my response and deleted me anyway out of a disbelief. I have no idea.
If you have your own speculations or ideas you would like to add please feel free to chime in. I don’t need consoling or anything like that. I’m not upset by this. Just very curious to learn more about people in general.
I really love this framing of elevating rather than dating.
Would you keep date plans when there is a lack of enthusiasm?
I’ve cancelled dates before, never last minute, just simply for a lack of enthusiasm. If a woman is not as enthusiastic about dating me as I am her then I am out. I never ghost but I will politely communicate that I believe it’s a waste of time to go out on a date that is not met with enthusiasm.
Homemade, therapeutic, healthy, you will forget about the existence of meat and dairy and I might get assassinated by a drug company sponsored hitman. LOL
I love this chickpea avocado salad so much I’m going to share how I made it so you can enjoy it, too!
Throw all of the following ingredients into a mixing bowl:
One can chickpeas drained and rinsed. One ripe avocado finally diced. One Fistful of pumpkin seeds. A half Fistful of sesame seeds. 3 tbsp of your favorite no sugar added organic salad dressing (I used a sesame balsamic vinaigrette dressing). Half tablespoon of garlic granules. One tablespoon thyme. Half tablespoon black pepper. A few dashes of cayenne pepper depending on how much heat you would like. One tablespoon Bragg’s Apple Cider vinegar. A few Spritz worth of Bragg’s coconut Liquid Aminos or some dried coconut flakes. One tablespoon finely chopped parsley. One tablespoon finely chopped cilantro.
Mix all ingredients in a bowl with a wooden spoon.
All ingredients are raw, no sugar added, organic whenever possible, extremely flavorful and insane therapeutic medicinal value. It’s also pleasantly satiating. You won’t have any urges to eat unhealthy food. You will have more sustainable calming energy.
If you try this or a variation of this I would love to hear about it!
There is value for me in feeling most alone when I’m around other people.
My innate curious nature causes me to observe everything when I’m not oblivious to everything.
I see how people treat each other and themselves. I see how people act in crowds and groups versus independently or in one on ones. I see how drastic Behavior changes when people are in groups or crowds. I see the facades. I see the authenticities. I see the regurgitated cliches and carbon copies. I see the original and creatives. I see the cringe. I see the beautiful. I see the many walls of protection. I see the almost non existent little sands that were once walls.
This is perhaps my favorite picture anyone has ever candidly taken of me. When my friend brought this picture to my attention I immediately saw myself as I feel when I’m in crowds or groups of people.
But still I go back for more just to see what happens this time. And the next time. And the next time after that. Once in a while a meaningful dialogue will happen. Sometimes even a worthwhile connection with another human.
People think I’m a happy social butterfly; always going out doing things and regular venue changes. Oh but I’m not! It’s my innate sense of curiosity driving me to embark on explorations to see what happens.
I can connect with people all day long because I am deeply connected to myself. When I am connecting with another human who is also deeply connected to themselves we have the potential to a whole new level of connection. Outside of those very rare occurrences I am isolated but acutely aware.
In my early twenties I made a promise to myself to honor being happily single. It didn’t require any effort. I was already intrinsically happy as a single man.
I have my own passions going on such as dance, music, nature-esque stuff, and eating chocolate bunnies (no sugar added 😉 ).
I perpetually deepen my connection within myself so I can not only be a more whole individual, but, attract a divine GODDESS. I am ready. Being single has been fun but I feel it’s time to move on with a goddess to co experience life with. I may actually get dolled up and go on a date to an authentic Thai place in lake geneva, who knows!
