My lived experience as a dancer has some interesting parallels with surfing that I was just thinking about. Just as a surfer must paddle through many mediocre waves to catch that rare, perfect wave, with dance I personally must move through numerous partners with mediocre chemistry to find that special, magical connection. It’s a numbers game, really. The more waves you chase, the more likely you are to catch that heart-pounding, exhilarating ride all the way to shore. Similarly, the more I dance, the more frequently I lock eyes and body movement with that one follow who just gets it, who moves in perfect sync with me.
When the connection isn’t there, as a lead, I set the tone. Sometimes it’s mirrored and sometimes it’s not. Sometimes I have to mirror my follow first before so that I can elevate the energy of our dance connection. It’s a delicate balance, a subtle negotiation of give and take, push and pull. But with experience, with time, I’m learning to read the signs, to sense the potential in every new partner. I’m learning to nurture it, to fan the sparks into flames.
I know that as I continue to give myself these experiences, as I continue to pay attention and remain sensitive to various energies from my various follows, I will innately become more skilled and effective at elevating the energy of the follows I don’t connect with well at the beginning of a dance. It’s a journey. And just as the hunt for the perfect wave is often more rewarding than the ride itself, so too is the pursuit of that magical dance connection just as valuable as the connection itself.
Because in the end, it’s not just about that one, perfect dance. It’s about growth, about learning, about pushing past your limits and discovering what you’re truly capable of. It’s about the journey, the struggle, the triumph. And just as every surfer knows that the only way to catch that perfect wave is to keep paddling, to keep chasing, so too must every dancer keep moving, keep seeking, keep surrendering to the music and the moment.
What’s the secret to a relationship with a lover that keeps growing? Live each day like it’s the start of something new. Embrace every moment, every lesson, as if it’s your first, no matter how far you’ve come. The same can be said as a student of dance. The best mindset have is a beginners mindset no matter how advanced.
Some might say it’s unrealistic to expect that initial excitement, those butterflies, to last forever. But I believe it’s more nuanced than that. Hold onto those feelings, let them renew you and your lover each day, even as you build a shared future based on a common goal.
In my experience, holding onto even a little armor of self-protection can lead to moments of immaturity, sabotage, and regret. Even if the spark remains, things can fall apart in an instant.
The key is to shed that self-protection armour, even if it’s hard. It makes you vulnerable, raw. You’ll learn who’s truly with you and who’s not. You’ll discover who belongs in your life and who doesn’t. Shedding armor is hard, but once it’s gone, you’ll never want it back. It’s easy to keep it off. What was uncomfortable becomes comfortable. It changes you at your core. I’m not the same person anymore. This growth cements progress, makes it impossible to fall back into old mistakes. On this journey, the only direction is forward, sometimes pausing until the next leap.
I recently had an eye-opening experience in a dance class that I naturally thought of parallels for in how we approach intimate relationships and music. The teacher taught us about the five connections we must internalize as dancers, in order of priority. The number one priority is the connection you have with yourself. This self-connection is the foundation upon which all else is built. It’s about being fully present in your own body, aware of your breath, and centered in your power, much like the silence between notes that allows the music to resonate.
The next priority is your connection to the floor. This represents your grounding and stability. Just as a tree must have deep roots to weather life’s storms, we must feel secure and supported to move through the world with grace and confidence, like a steady drumbeat that anchors the melody.
After that is your connection with your partner. This is about trust, communication, and harmony, the same elements that come together to create a beautiful song. When both partners are in sync, the dance becomes a seamless co-created expression of unity, like two instruments blending in perfect harmony.
The fourth connection is with the music. This is where emotion and passion intensify, just as a powerful crescendo stirs the soul. The music is the heart and soul of the dance, and surrendering to its rhythm allows us to express our deepest feelings and connect with something greater than ourselves, much like how our favorite songs can evoke profound emotions and memories.
The final, and lowest priority, is the actual dance moves themselves. This may seem shocking, as most dance classes focus predominantly on mastering the steps. But without the first four connections, the moves are empty and lackluster, like a song with a catchy melody but meaningless lyrics. They are the outer expression, the physical manifestation of the deeper connections.
This prioritization of connections has profound parallels in our romantic and intimate relationships as well as in how we connect with the music that we love that moves us. A healthy relationship requires, first and foremost, a deep connection with ourselves. We must know and love ourselves in order to fully open to another, just as a musician must understand their own instrument to truly express themselves through music. Next is our connection to the earth, our sense of grounding and well-being. Then comes our connection with our lover, built on trust, open communication, and harmony, the same elements that create a beautiful symphony. After that is our connection with the external environment, our community and the world around us, like the audience that receives and responds to the music. And lastly, the activities we do together, the outward expressions of our love, are like the different genres and styles we explore in our musical journey.
When we prioritize these connections, the activities we do together become infused with meaning and joy, like a song that speaks directly to our hearts. If I’m in love with a woman, I’ll cherish every moment with her, no matter what we’re doing. Whether we’re cooking dinner, taking a walk, literally dancing, co-creating music, making love, traveling, or simply sitting together in silence, I’ll be fully present and engaged, like a musician fully immersed in their performance. Our reciprocating emotional passion will make every experience a dance of love and connection, a beautiful composition of movement and melody. And, if I happen to be in a loving relationship with an intimate partner who also is an actual dancer, then we can share in this paralleled dance both literally and figuratively together, moving in perfect harmony like two instruments in an orchestra.
whether through a breakup or death, our brains experience a similar kind of grief. The emotions involved may differ, but the process of mourning and healing we go through is quite alike. I believe our brains don’t differentiate between the pain of a breakup and the pain of a loss through death. Both types of losses are a separation from someone we deeply loved and to whom we felt connected.
The grieving process can be intense. We may go through stages like denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and eventually acceptance, much like those experienced when someone dies. Even if a relationship ended by mutual choice, the sense of loss can still be profound. We grieve not just the person, but also the future we had envisioned with them.
But there is always hope for healing no matter how painful. Acknowledge these feelings and give yourself permission for time to grieve. Reach out to supportive friends, family, or a therapist for help processing these emotions. Engage in self-care like healthy eating, regular exercise, treating yourself to stuff you don’t normally treat yourself to, and sufficient sleep. Consider a hobby, passion, or new activity to take your mind off what pains you and bring in fresh experiences. And practice patience and kindness with yourself throughout the journey. With time, we can navigate the grief and move forward.
When we think of intimacy, our minds often jump to the romantic and physical. Yet, intimacy encompasses so much more. Platonic intimacy, the deep connections we share with close friends, plays a vital role in our emotional and psychological well-being. It’s a reminder that not all intimacy is romantic, and that nurturing these non-romantic relationships is essential for a healthy, happy life.
Platonic intimacy offers a wealth of benefits for our emotional health. Close friends provide a sense of belonging and acceptance, which are crucial for our self-esteem and confidence. They offer emotional support during life’s challenges, helping us feel less alone in our struggles. Shared laughter and joy with close friends boosts our mood, reducing stress and anxiety. These relationships also encourage personal growth, as friends help us gain new perspectives and challenge us to become our best selves.
The psychological benefits are just as profound. Platonic intimacy helps us develop empathy, communication skills, and conflict resolution strategies. These skills benefit all our relationships, romantic, professional, and familial. Close friends also provide a sounding board for our thoughts and feelings, promoting self-understanding and mental clarity.
While platonic intimacy is deeply rewarding, it’s essential to approach these relationships ethically. Respect is key. We must respect our friends’ boundaries, never pressuring them to be more vulnerable than they’re comfortable with. Consent in emotional intimacy is just as crucial as in physical intimacy. It’s also important to avoid placing unfair burdens on friends, recognizing they have their own struggles and limits.
It’s also essential to avoid ‘crossing the line’ into behaviors that could be misconstrued as romantic or sexual. While platonic intimacy is deep, it’s not about fulfilling romantic or sexual needs. Behaviors that blur this line, like excessive flirting or inappropriately personal questions, are unethical and can damage the relationship.
So, how can we nurture platonic intimacy in an ethical, healthy way? First, prioritize time with close friends, as shared experiences deepen bonds. Practice vulnerability, openly sharing your thoughts and feelings. Yet, respect when friends aren’t ready to reciprocate this vulnerability. Encourage and celebrate friends’ successes, showing genuine interest in their lives. Work through conflicts openly and honestly, using these moments to strengthen understanding. Above all, treat friends with the same kindness, empathy, and respect you wish for yourself.
Platonic intimacy is a beautiful gift, one that enriches our lives in ways romantic love cannot. By nurturing these relationships with respect, care, and open communication, we can reap the many rewards of close friendship. In a world that often focuses on romantic love, let’s celebrate the power of platonic intimacy to bring joy, support, and meaning to our lives.
I adore the dance of being open to trying new things, of embracing fresh experiences that spark excitement in my soul. Yet, I equally cherish the clarity to say a firm “no” when something doesn’t align with my heart’s desires. I’ve observed that some people are like sponges, soaking up everything without discernment, while others build walls, shutting out potential growth. But I believe there’s a beautiful middle ground.
A place where curiosity whispers “what if?” and wisdom gently guides us to discern which new experiences will truly nourish us, and which might leave us feeling drained. It’s this balance I strive for – the courage to explore, and the confidence to choose what’s truly good for my soul. And I invite you to join me in this dance. Let’s embrace the thrill of the new, but let’s do it with intention.
Let’s be brave enough to try, and wise enough to know when to say no. Let’s fill our lives with experiences that light us up, and learn to release what dims our spark. The world is full of possibilities – let’s explore them with open hearts and mindful wisdom.
Living now, living in the past, and living for tomorrow is a spectrum that deserves critical thought and balance. One extreme end of the spectrum is to be living only for now, giving in to every whim and desire without consideration for the consequences. This makes a person susceptible to doing things right now that will cause their demise and prevent them from also being able to enjoy tomorrow. For example, reckless behaviors like substance abuse or financial irresponsibility might offer temporary pleasure but lead to long-term harm.
The other end of the spectrum would be living only for tomorrow, constant planning and preparing without ever stopping to smell the roses. This makes it impossible to also live and find joy in today. You might become so focused on your goals that you neglect to appreciate the journey, to celebrate small victories, and to find happiness in the present.
The ideal is to find a healthy middle ground, to be mindful of the present while still considering the future. Do things now that your future self will thank you for, like making healthy choices, pursuing dreams or achievement, and building strong relationships. And do things now that your present moment will thank you for, like taking time to relax, pursuing hobbies & passions, and showing love and kindness to others.
The past is there to learn from and become a better version of yourself as you enjoy now and tomorrow. Reflect on your experiences, both successes and failures, and use those lessons to grow and improve. Don’t dwell on past mistakes but rather use them as opportunities for self-improvement. And cherish fond memories as they add richness and context to your life.
By embracing this balanced approach, you can live a life that is both meaningful in the moment and fulfilling in the long run. You can find joy and purpose in the present while still working towards a bright future. And through it all, you can become the best version of yourself, living a life you can be proud of.
I’ve learned that sometimes it’s better to be opposite. You don’t have to be similar in everything. In fact, having a lover with different strengths can create a beautifully balanced relationship that parallels the beauty found in harmonies that exist in musical melodies.
Take neuroticism, for example. If my lover is a high neurotic person, she is excellent at “what if” scenarios and preventing problems from happening. She will think through all the potentials, worry a lot, and always have a backup plan to a backup plan to a backup plan. This means she rarely ever has a crisis or a problem but may be stressed out a lot.
On the other hand, low neurotic people are great in a crisis. If I am low neurotic, I’m the calm, level-headed one. I’m the rock that provides a safe grounding for someone going through something stressful. Having a low neurotic lover can be a lifesaver during anxious moments.
I’ve experienced that having both high and low neuroticism in a relationship can be incredibly beneficial. If you have someone preventing a crisis and someone who shines in a crisis, you’re covered. But if you’re both low neurotics, you might find yourselves in trouble – like accumulating financial debt because neither of you is proactive enough about preventing problems.
The key is understanding the mechanics of your differences and leveraging them for your strengths. I’ve learned to pick my traits carefully and communicate openly with my lover, absent of any self-protective armor, about what I need. Even just a small sliver of self-protective armor can sadly sabotage and do a disservice to myself and my lover. If I have a romantic partner and she’s feeling worried or nervous, she can talk through it with me because I’m calm and grounding for her. I won’t get upset or impatient with her. If she were to go to another high neurotic person, they might just make her more anxious! But with me, she finds grounding, safety, and peace.
The beauty of differences can make a loving relationship incredibly resilient. By embracing our unique qualities and learning to support each other, something truly special and emotionally intelligent can be built. So don’t be afraid of differences in relationships. With understanding, communication, a little patience, and the removal of all self-protective armor, you can turn your contrasts into strengths and build a love that lasts.
We’ve all heard the mantra: quitters never win, and winners never quit. But what if I told you that’s only half the story? Quitting isn’t always a bad thing. In fact, it can be a powerful strategy for success that propels you forward. Give yourself permission to quit when it serves you and makes you bigger rather than when it destroys you and makes you smaller.
Think about it like this: if you’re stuck on a path that’s just not working, stubbornly slogging forward won’t get you any closer to your goal. Sometimes, quitting one approach to try a new one that still aligns with your ultimate vision is the smartest move you can make. It’s about quitting the method, not the mission.
However, if you’re quitting on your goal altogether, throwing in the towel the moment things get tough, then you’re setting yourself up for failure. At that point, you’re not just quitting – you’re giving up. And giving up is what makes you a loser.
Society loves to label quitting as the default to instant failure. But the truth is, quitting can be a powerful tool in your arsenal. It all depends on what you’re quitting, and why.
Imagine this: you’re stuck on a flawed approach that’s draining your energy and getting you nowhere. Abandoning that approach to make way for a better one isn’t failure – it’s adaptation. It’s evolution. Think of it like this: Plan A didn’t work, so it’s time to move on to Plan B. Maybe Plan A just needs a little refining rather than a complete overhaul.
That’s where the “fire, ready, aim” philosophy can catapult you forward. This approach is all about taking bold action, recalibrating based on what you’ve learned, refining your approach, and charging forward once again. It’s about creating an endless feedback loop of action, learning, and improvement until you start making real progress.
Just for fun let’s come up with a list of things and ideas that might be worth quitting on..
quit saying no to your health..
quit saying no to opportunity..
quit neglecting your personal growth & development..
quit regularly eating toxic foods..
quit spending time and energy with toxic people..
quit venting on facebook all the time..
quit making excuses..
quit selling your time for a paycheck..
quit being an obedient worker to a system that can take away your income at any time for any reason..
quit anything that isn’t making you better, more free, and happier..
Quit denying your dreams..
And most of all.. Quit hating yummy vegan chocolate =)
So don’t be afraid to quit. Quitting might just be the best decision you ever make. Embrace the “fire, ready, aim” philosophy: act, recalibrate, refine, and charge forward. With this mindset, there’s no obstacle you can’t overcome, and possibly no goal you can’t achieve.
There’s a crucial difference between being hungry to win and being hungry to do what winning requires. The first mindset focuses on the outcome, while the second focuses on the daily actions necessary to achieve that outcome. This subtle shift in perspective can be the difference maker that stacks the odds either for or against you.
Winning Isn’t a Destination
Winning doesn’t happen overnight. It demands consistent, relevant action. As you continually learn, take action, and refine your approach, you’ll inevitably stack the odds in your favor, making winning an almost certain outcome. The alternative, of course, is to quit. But quitting isn’t always a bad thing. It depends on the context. If you’re quitting one approach to try a new one that still aligns with your ultimate goal, then quitting can actually help you win. However, if you’re quitting on your goal altogether, then you’re setting yourself up for failure and at that point you’re just a loser.
The Power of Quitting
Quitting is commonly known as the default to instant failure, but it can be a powerful strategy. It depends on what you’re quitting and why. If you’re abandoning a flawed approach to make a way for a better one, that’s not failure, that’s adaptation. Think of it like this: Plan A didn’t work, so it’s time to move on to Plan B. Maybe Plan A just needs a little refining rather than a complete overhaul. That’s where the “fire, ready, aim” philosophy can catapult a person forward. Take action, recalibrate based on what you’ve learned, refine your approach, and take action again. Repeat this process in an endless loop until you start making reasonable progress in a reasonable amount of time. That’s how you’ll know you’re on the right track. Embrace the “fire, ready, aim” philosophy: act, recalibrate, refine, and charge forward.
Measuring Progress
To gauge your progress, set some markers starting with a baseline. This will give you something to measure against. For example, let’s talk about money. Building wealth is a worthy common goal, and money is easy to quantify. But you have to factor in inflation. If inflation is 4% per year and you’re only growing your wealth by 3%, then you’re actually losing ground. Even if you’re matching inflation, you’re just treading water. You need to be growing your wealth at a rate that outpaces inflation. But what’s a reasonable target? 2% above inflation? 5%? 10%? That’s for you to decide, based on your goals and your finite time.
The Intangible Goals
But what about the goals that can’t be measured? Love, happiness, fulfillment – these are the wins that touch our hearts. We can’t quantify love or joy or fulfillment using numbers.
The best we can do to measure our feelings is by various pain scales such as the Numerical rating scales which uses numbers to rate pain. Or the visual analog scales which asks you to select a picture that best matches your pain level. And the Categorical scales which Primarily uses words, possibly along with numbers, colors, or locations on the body. How do we measure love? The opposite of pain. The best answer I have is to measure the heart flutters, the butterflies in your stomach, the giddiness, the tingles you feel throughout your mind and your body on a scale from 1 to 10. But who wants to do that? When you’re in love you just want to swim in how that feels. And that is totally valid! I’ve never once thought to try and scientifically measure feelings of love I have. When you’re in love, you just want to bask in the glow of it all.
Seizing the Day
At the end of the day, winning often just means having the guts to go for it. To take life by the horns and decide that you’ll do whatever it takes, as long as you keep moving forward. That’s the hunger that leads to winning. So, do, learn, refine, do again, and keep repeating. Embrace the journey, and the wins will follow.
Depression, it could simply be a matter of the brain’s inability to adapt to change due to low levels of BDNF and neuroplasticity. This concept shatters the traditional view of depression as strictly a chemical imbalance or genetic predisposition. Instead, it illuminates the critical role our brain’s resilience plays in withstanding life’s inevitable trials. Healthy levels of BDNF and neuroplasticity equip the brain to deftly navigate change, even the heart-wrenching kind that plunges us into depression – a soul-crushing breakup, the devastating loss of a loved one, or grueling life circumstances. Think of BDNF and neuroplasticity as the brain’s coping mechanisms, its capacity to flex and yield without shattering in the face of adversity.
This prompts an intriguing question: Am I succumbing to depression because of a painful circumstance in my life, or is my depression a result of inadequate brain health, with insufficient BDNF and neuroplasticity to adapt to life’s painful twists and turns? This potent question reframes our focus, shifting it from the external stressor to our internal fortitude in the face of that stress. It beckons us to explore whether our neural arsenal is equipped to weather life’s tempests without surrendering to the clutches of depression.
I put forth these ideas not to heap guilt upon those wrestling with depression, but to offer powerful empowering thought experiments. These reflections can guide us through life’s most jarring upheavals, illuminating a path towards emotional liberation from depression’s oppressive grip. Depression is a formidable foe that commands compassion and treatment. Yet, by grasping the pivotal role of BDNF and neuroplasticity, we can become proactive architects of our own healing journey.
So how does an individual go about a healthy production of BDNF and neuroplasticity from the brain? Lactate, a byproduct of intense physical exertion, serves as a potent messenger molecule. When you push your body to its limits through vigorous exercise, such as high intensity interval training (HIIT), your muscles engage in a dialogue with the rest of your body via a byproduct of vigorous exercise called lactate. This biochemical conversation sparks a cascade of adaptations, such as healthy muscle growth and enhanced cardiovascular prowess. The brain, which labors tirelessly during exercise, is also a keen listener to lactate’s signals. One of its key responses is to ramp up production of brain-derived neurotrophic factor (BDNF). BDNF is a tireless champion of neuronal growth in the hippocampus, a region in the brain vital for forging new memories, learning, and having insights which are valuable in moments of deep self-reflection. It also nurtures neuroplasticity, the brain’s remarkable ability to mold and adapt to a shifting landscape. In essence, exercise is the ultimate brain fertilizer, nourishing it to flourish with strength and resilience.
For those grappling with depression, low BDNF and neuroplasticity can render the brain inflexible, struggling to keep pace with life’s relentless ebb and flow. Their minds may feel brittle, as if on the brink of shattering under the weight of uncertainty. This is where high-intensity exercise emerges as a shining beacon of hope. By turbocharging BDNF production, it’s a natural elixir to bolster brain health. Prioritizing exercise allows us to take the reins in fortifying our neural defenses, cultivating the resilience needed to thrive even when challenged. Through physical movement, we become the architects of a stronger, more agile brain, one better equipped to withstand the tempests of depression.
When past mistakes have caused pain, it’s natural to wonder if they’ll happen again. In long-term relationships, hurtful moments are likely, but the key question is: were they intentional? And can two lovers maturely use these moments to grow stronger and more in love?
Promising to never hurt someone is unrealistic. A more mature promise might be: “I’ll never intentionally hurt you, and when I unintentionally do, I’ll own up to it and we’ll grow from it.” Imperfect moments will come, but the goal is to never deceive, even in poor judgment, to shed all self protective armor, and to be rooted in love instead of fear or ego. True safety comes from vulnerability, love over fear, and the knowledge that hurtful moments will be met with awareness, growth, and a stronger bond.
Closing ourselves off, or communicating in bad faith is a disservice to all involved. Painful admissions are sometimes necessary. External challenges are easier to overcome than the internal ones where one partner has unintentionally hurt the other. If something matters, it can’t be an unspoken assumption. Verbalizing commitments feels good for both lovers. A commitment to growth and love instead of fear and silence.
Are we building a relationship together with shared goals? Do we both have a place in each other’s future plans? Can we envision a shared future together?
These are fundamental questions that are often overlooked or ignored. It may feel raw and even terrifying to address them head-on, but it’s a healthier way forward for both partners involved. If we’re just casually dating, it may not matter as much, but if our feelings are mutual and we’re truly rising in love, these questions deserve to be answered openly and honestly.
Gaining clarity and a shared vision for the future can be incredibly exciting. When we understand how we fit into each other’s plans and can see a shared vision take shape, we can watch our vision for a life together crystalize, and that’s something to be thrilled about. Feeling safe and nurtured with our lover, knowing that when hurt occurs they’ll be addressed with openness, care, and ultimate, deeper love, makes the heart and soul feel wonderful. Rather than feeling ashamed for wanting to have these conversations, we feel honored and loved. Perhaps this is the notable difference between falling in love or RISING in love between two lovers.
What begins as a moment of immaturity can evolve into a stepping stone toward greater self-awareness and lasting change. Sometimes, a mistake or error in judgment serves as the ultimate catalyst for profound personal growth. But the question of meaningfulness: is this change one of evolution or devolution? Change is an inevitability, but the true measure lies in whether it refines or diminishes our humanity.
When assessing mistakes, I’ve come to realize that intention holds weight. The mistake, or error in judgement; was this intentionally nefarious or unintentionally hurtful to another human you really love? When someone hurts me I always consider intention because where someones heart is has deep meaning. The hurt inflicted by those we love resonates deeply, and understanding where their heart stood at the time sheds light on their actions. Yet, there exists a spectrum of errors, ranging from those that may heal with time to others that leave scars too deep to fully forgive.
Certain errors in judgement can be so soul shaking it changes your physical DNA structure forever, leaving an indelible mark on our being. This speaks to the intricate bond between our physical and non physical selves, and the necessity of nurturing both physical and non physical for holistic well-being. When you change forever in this way at your DNA it solidifies that this particular error in judgement could never be repeated again. THAT PART OF YOU HAS DIED BY THE PAIN that was inflicted. That moment of bad judgement can never be resurrected, instead it stays in the past only to be reflected upon as a lesson etched into our soul serving as a guide for a more evolved present and future. It makes a person a better human and a better lover.
In this way, our mistakes, though painful, can be the crucible in which we are refined. They challenge us to grow, to love more wisely, and to become better versions of ourselves for ourselves and for our lover. And it is in this evolution, this rise from the ashes of our former selves, that we find the grace to forgive, to be forgiven, to heal, and to love and be loved again, deeper and more fully than before.
I recently had an eye-opening experience in a dance class that I naturally thought of parallels for in how we approach intimate relationships. The teacher taught us about the five connections we must internalize as dancers, in order of priority. The number one priority is the connection you have with yourself. This self-connection is the foundation upon which all else is built. It’s about being fully present in your own body, aware of your breath, and centered in your power.
The next priority is your connection to the floor. This represents your grounding and stability. Just as a tree must have deep roots to weather life’s storms, we must feel secure and supported to move through the world with grace and confidence.
After that is your connection with your partner. This is about trust, communication, and harmony. When both partners are in sync, the dance becomes a beautiful, seamless co-created expression of unity.
The fourth connection is with the music. This is where emotion and passion intensifies. The music is the heart and soul of the dance, and surrendering to its rhythm allows us to express our deepest feelings and connect with something greater than ourselves.
The final, and lowest priority, is the actual dance moves themselves. This may seem shocking, as most dance classes focus predominantly on mastering the steps. But without the first four connections, the moves are empty and lackluster. They are the outer expression, the physical manifestation of the deeper connections.
This prioritization of connections has profound parallels in our romantic and intimate relationships. A healthy relationship requires, first and foremost, a deep connection with ourselves. We must know and love ourselves in order to fully open to another. Next is our connection to the earth, our sense of grounding and well-being. Then comes our connection with our lover, built on trust, open communication, and harmony. After that is our connection with the external environment, our community and the world around us. And lastly, the activities we do together, the outward expressions of our love.
When we prioritize these connections, the activities we do together become infused with meaning and joy. If I’m in love with a woman, I’ll cherish every moment with her, no matter what we’re doing. Whether we’re cooking dinner, taking a walk, literally dancing, co-creating music, making love, traveling, or simply sitting together in silence, I’ll be fully present and engaged. Our reciprocating emotional passion will make every experience a dance of love and connection. And, if I happen to be in a loving relationship with an intimate partner who also is an actual dance, then we can share in this paralleled dance both literally and figurative together.
Can you tell the difference? Physical passion intensely desires a body; emotional passion deeply loves a heart and soul. Emotional passion dominates, offering a unique lens through which to see the one you love.
Physical passion fades after orgasm; emotional passion pulses before, during, and after, intensifying even sexless intimacy. Emotional passion is a heart-to-heart connection, effortless like breathing. Physical passion is fleeting, like conquering a video game level, only to pursue the next conquest. The push-pull of “come here, I don’t want you” reveals its cognitive dissonance and shows up in physical symptoms.
Sharing reciprocal emotional passion nourishes physical and emotional well-being, a wholesome union of body and soul. Yet we often forget to nurture this interconnection holistically. Emotional passion is rare for me, yet it fulfills in ways physical passion cannot. True emotional passion prioritizes a lover’s happiness above one’s own, even if it means letting go. It’s easy like breathing is easy.
Real love creates space, understanding, and safety. It sheds ego and armor, favors clarity over confusion, and chooses love over fear. Real love heals, grows, and transforms challenges into opportunities. It stands naked, vulnerable, and enthusiastically reciprocated. Investing emotions risks repercussions, but real love fuels growth and strengthens bonds.
Investing emotions in a lover can have emotional repercussions. Love, like a work of art, is open to interpretation and can get lost in translation. It’s the real love combined with emotional passion that drives a mutual reciprocating desire to show up in good faith, understand the other, and ultimately uses the challenge at hand as a steppingstone for growth and an even stronger relationship connection built on a foundation that resembles more like concrete than quicksand.
In a recent dance class I learned about 5 different connections in order of priority. Priority number 1 is the connection you have with yourself. Next priority is your connection to the floor. After that is your connection with your partner, then with the music, and finally the lowest priority is the dance moves themselves which happens to be what most dance classes focus most on. Isn’t that crazy? The one thing we put the most focus on, the actual dance moves, ranks dead last in a prioritized list of the 5 connections. Can you see the parallels here? This prioritized list of five connections in a healthy relationship could be connection with yourself first, connection with the earth second, connection with your lover third, connection with the external environment forth, and lastly the activities you and your lover do together. If I’m in love with a woman I am going to enjoy my time with her regardless of what we are doing because we have reciprocating emotional passion. I’m going to elaborate more on this niche topic matter in my very next blog style post very soon. It’s worth exploring more.
Give and receive love.
My soul needs to give and receive love, selectively but often.
When the person you hold dearest is also the root of your anguish, their presence ignites an unbearable paradox within you.
Their actions, their words, their very presence seems to both captivate and wound you, as if your very soul is being stretched to the breaking point by two opposing forces.
You’re trapped in a cycle of yearning and hurting, of needing them yet fearing the potential for further pain they bring.
This paradox births a whirlwind of confusion that ravages your mind, leaving it reeling and paralyzed.
The love you harbor for them battles against the torment they inflict, forging an inescapable storm of conflicting emotions.
Each moment with them is a razor’s edge, cutting deeper into your soul with a pain that threatens to consume you.
Yet, the mere thought of their absence conjures a hollowness so profound it echoes through every fiber of your being.
This paradox, this agonizing tangle of love and pain, immobilizes your mind.
It renders you helpless, ensnared in a torment of your own making. For in loving them, you have become your own worst enemy, forever trapped in this cycle of anguish and yearning.
The question is, what builds real attraction and chemistry more powerfully than anything including anything sexual?
Nothing tops building attraction more than two people who are so well connected to themselves that they can connect to each other through healthy playful banter.
Being able to banter with someone says a lot about who you are. It’s much deeper than just the banter. It reveals your emotional intelligence, wisdom, if you’re quick thinking, witty, creative, not boring, playful, emotionally attractive, intellectually strong, if you have confidence, maturity, and on and on. The ability to Banter in a playful healthy way cannot be overstated.
Banter is also the best Segway into getting to know you kind of conversation with somebody because now you’re emotionally mutually invested for a much more meaningful get to know you kind of conversation.
If everything is always logical and feels more like an interview the connection is boring. There is no sex appeal to that. Having a good balance of banter and logical getting to know you type conversation is exciting and arousing.
Most people do not have a healthy connection with themselves which has created a toxic unhealthy dating pool with very few exceptions.
So few people realize the importance of playful banter and the balance of that with logical getting to know you type of conversation.
This isn’t true just for romantic connections but also friendships and relationships of all kinds.
What are your thoughts and opinions of this? How important is a well balanced conversation of playful banter and logistical? Have you been with potential dating prospects that are all logistical and you found yourself bored out of your mind but wasn’t sure why?
I am a fish out of water on and off the dance floor.
I love dancing with a partner but I have to force myself or I’ll never ask anyone to dance.
I put myself in social settings most nights of every week but it’s more comfortable for me to stay home.
“What the fuck was that?” I silently ask myself after dancing with my follows.
Once in a while I feel a rewarding connection with a follow but it’s only temporary. When I ask that same follow for a dance at the next social that connection is no longer there.
In social settings I rarely ever vibe so I just observe and redirect where I do vibe. I will change venues and locales without notice or communication until I vibe or until I would rather go home.
One on one interactions tend to be more meaningful with depth and clarity but those are temporary too.
Why do I perpetually put myself in these circumstances?
I want to grow, learn, expand my understanding, and most of all I genuinely love dancing and being in social settings even through feeling like a fish out of water.
My motivation is curiosity. “Let’s see what happens” is my backstop and my mantra. Do I want to ask this lady to dance? Let’s see what happens. Do I want to go to this social event? Let’s see what happens. I’m perfectly fine leaving anytime I wish and I often do.
People are at the end of their ropes in extreme despair and an existence of torture.
Love Is Never enough. People are hardwired to feel included, loved, and heard.
Relationships of all kinds are supposed to be nurtured, not neglected with the well-meaning intention of getting around to it “someday”.
Over busyness and using technological advances to create further isolation are formidable enemies to The Human Condition.
People are the problem and solution.
The homosapian brain is the most advanced brain of any species in the history of planet Earth and an argument can easily be made that we’ve collectively wasted it.
So, I’ve decided I’m keeping these 3 items exactly how they are for the time being <3 Love and appreciation to the women who love and appreciate men with standards.
I feel like the existence of my facebook profile is doing a lot of the heavy lifting for me. That’s what I call good leverage that frees up more time to focus my energy on who and where it matters.
The rampid widespread bad behavior of women in the dating pool is a daily reminder of how important it is to screen and filter before even setting up a date. I’m sure this is true for women also. If you’re a man or a woman you have to have clear standards that does not tolerate the bad behavior. I’ve never been on a date that was not fun because I do a good job at weeding out the bad dates before they have a chance to happen. Thank goodness. So yes, a mad love shout out to women with standards who also love men with standards.
Always be yourself. Let the wrong people weed themselves out and they will <3
“Tom! You dance with all those gorgeous ladies in the videos you post and you’ve got so much going for you how are you still single? Why are you not dating any of those gorgeous ladies in the videos you’re dancing with???”
I’m commonly asked this very valid question and I have a really great answer.
The studio I go to for most of my dance lessons is a tight community. They are friendly and welcoming to new people. This is special because communities that are tight are typically not as accepting and welcoming of people outside of their already existing community. This context is needed for my answer.
There are three reasons I haven’t dated anyone in the dance community. In no particular order..
I want to keep the dance community a safe sanctuary type of place. For obvious reasons dating can cause awkward and uncomfortable situations in an area where we are all dancing with each other and often times very up close in our personal spaces. Some of the partner combos we rotate through with each other are very sensual with lots of body connection points. There is chest to chest contact, hip to hip contact, tracing of the arms in a sensual demeanor etc. If someones heart gets broken it can make it extremely difficult to heal from in an environment like this. It would flat out suck if someone has to decide between dance or healing if they cannot be done simultaneously. It could also create gossip, people talking behind each others backs, and people taking sides and splintering off from the community that was once whole.
Over the past 10 months I have had several surface level crushes. Some of them I might even take some risk and ask out on a date if not for the rationale I just gave. I’ve received some indications from some of the ladies but nothing strong enough to warrant asking any of them out. In that particular safe environment I need a woman to send me strong indicators that she would be enthusiastic about me asking her out or I’m not going to do it, period.
I’ve never been asked out! That’s pretty straight forward. It would be great if more girls did the initiating and the asking but unfortunately in our culture most of the time it’s up to the man. If I’m enthusiastically interested in the woman asking me out I’m going to enthusiastically say yes. This is all true in and outside of the dance community.
In summation, I want to do my part in keeping the dance community a safe environment for everyone who is passionate about dancing. However, if there is a strong enough connection with a woman, I am a romantic, I will absolutely ask her out on a real date and she will be one exceedingly happy lady being invited into my exciting life that I’ve built on purpose. There is no doubt!
I hope you got some great insight into the workings of my brain. Not just in direct answer to the posed question but some of my driving philosophies in dating and in romance at large.
Feel free to share this and I would love your feedback in the comments. Am a taking the right precautions in your opinion given the nature of the dance environment I described? Would you ask someone out less cautiously than me? Would you be even more cautious than me even if you’re really interested in someone and you are getting indicators from them as well? How would you operate here? I would love to know. Maybe your method of operation will help me fine tune mine or others reading in the comments as well. My favorite positive about the comments section is it’s always an opportunity for people to help and support each other.
Orgasmic pathways dot com is my website. Orgasmic pathways dot com. Natural health, healthy recipes, fitness, music, dance, philosophy, and whatever else I feel like.
You’re a “simp” if you do this. Don’t do that or you’re a simp! Lots of rules to follow to avoid being a simp! You know what an actual simp is? A man (or woman!) who chases after someone who has pulled away.
They say don’t send a woman a good morning text because only simps do that. BS – If she (or he) is interested in you she will reciprocate.
They say don’t text a woman right away. Wait a couple days or you’re a simp! BS – If she is interested in you she will love hearing from you and she will put real effort into engaging in the conversation with you.
You know what all of these so called simp rules are? They are games. It’s a rule book for how to play games and toy with peoples emotions. It’s the equivalent of pissing in the dating pool which has made the water toxic for everyone.
If a woman ( or man ) is not showing up with any effort or emotional investment then they are not interested in you or they are playing a game. If you feel confused then most likely they are not interested in you. If someone is distancing themselves from you, from investing any effort with you and you still send the good morning texts, the various ego pumping meaningless pointless validations toward her, then you are chasing rather than pursuing and that’s what simps do.
Good humans are frustrated when you show really low effort in conversation.
What we truly desire is reciprocation because it demonstrates you really care about us and the relationship.
We rely on you being able to communicate. It’s extremely frustrating to good people when we are expected to read your mind instead of getting a straight forward answer. This is why you don’t want to play games with a good human because those types of games we want no part in we can spot from a mile away just before walking away, from you.
Without reciprocation or at least a clear show of effort you’re either playing those simp games and we will walk away which will leave you frustrated because you lost us as a result of some really bad simp rule you subscribed to from someone else who told you it was a good idea. Or, if there is no reciprocation the other possibility is you’re genuinely not interested so it becomes on us to move on and enjoy our lives we built for ourselves that we are proud to live and eventually invite the right woman to be part of. Either way, no outwardly expressed reciprocation means move on.
A quick fix for a very toxic dating pool would simply be for all of us to move on when there is no reciprocation. I’m sure that will never happen but all of us individually are in control of our own decisions and one silver lining to our toxic dating pool is it makes it easy for us good humans to positively stand out and there is worthwhile value in that. Fellow good humans will recognize that and appreciate it.
At the end of the day it’s about attracting someone for a healthy reciprocating relationship where both humans involved are investing effort, energy, time, nourishment, and growth. If it’s about simply hooking up with someone then that’s an entirely different conversation. I personally won’t perpetuate hook up culture I think it does more emotional harm than good because it’s so vacuous and empty. To each their own but my video and blog channels are not going to prop up and perpetuate hook up culture. My content is for people who are attracted to healthy long term reciprocating relationships of all kinds.
What are some examples you have of games that have been played on you that you spotted from a mile away? How do you respond when you recognize you are being gamed? I love the more meaningful comments because they not only help me refine myself but others reading the comments also get benefit from your experiences too.
My favorite positive about the comments section is it’s always an opportunity for people to help and support each other.
Orgasmic pathways dot com is my website. Orgasmic pathways dot com. Natural health, healthy recipes, fitness, music, dance, philosophy, and whatever else I feel like.
Men have screwed up the psychology of women so thoroughly that women will drive out good men who will not chase her or compete against her bad behaviors.
Women are so overwhelmed, emotionally drained, and physical sick from the bad behaviors of men that they’ve put up impenetrable walls that go beyond being justifiably cautious.
Here is what men need to do. I don’t give a fffffflip what anyone says because this is 100% true.
Men need to give women their time and space to heal from the onslaught of bad experiences from men. Men need to start focusing on themselves to develop an exciting life they are actually proud of and worth while of inviting a woman into.
Women, from a good mans perspective I would highly recommend you swear off dating until you are healed. At the moment, most of you woman are so badly traumatized that a good man most likely won’t be recognized as a good man. If you are healed, if your engine is running clean and healthy, it becomes easy for you to discern a good man from the bad ones who perhaps also need to focus on their own healing instead of dating.
Most women have no congruence between what they say they want and what they actually do. I hate to say this but when you hear most woman say what they are looking for in a man it’s either directly not true, or, not true based on critical omissions. A woman with a healthy connection to herself is going to be a woman who is congruent between what she says and what she does.
Men will buy women drinks they don’t even know. On dating apps the average woman will receive over 100 likes in the same amount of time it will take the average guy to receive 1 like (this is literal!). Women receive so much pointless validation from men that it screws their heads up to the point of developing entitlement behavior of asking men for resources and then expecting men to always say yes no matter what. When a man has standards and enough self worth to say “no” to a woman she is shocked because she’s not use to being said “no” to when asking him for access to his wallet.
Men, stop buying women you don’t know a drink! When a woman asks you to buy her a drink say “no!”. Not rudely or politely; indifferently. “No” is a one word sentence. Women! “No” is a one word sentence. Recipients of a telemarketers sales pitch! “No” is a one word sentence! Men, you have brain worms if you think you’re getting closer to sex or even a date just because you give a woman access to your wallet. She is just using you for free stuff! She is going to have more respect for someone like me who says “no!”. If she is going to go out on a date with someone it’s more likely going to be the odd man of standards who doesn’t blindly pump her ego with pointless validation. You don’t stand out when you buy a woman you don’t know a drink. She has an endless sea of lazy men who are doing the same thing as you. All of you are peeing in the same dating pool; making it toxic for everyone with your endless pointless ego pumping validation toward women.
Online and offline you’re compliments focus on their looks. You don’t think they hear that ALL THE TIME from men they don’t even know? You don’t stand out! How does that not sink into your heads?
Also, women love sex just as much as men but they have the burden of worrying about being thought of as slutty or at fault if it turns out bad which it almost always does! So stop using forced sexual banter! Let that happen organically over the passing of time without any agenda! Go home and masturbate if you need to get off. Get that out of your system before you go out so you don’t make a jackass out of yourself, men.
I could tell you fantastic stories of experiences I’ve had simply saying “no” to a woman I don’t even know asking me to buy her a drink. I’ll share one because it represents the macro.
I was on one of my trips to a far away and exotic tropical locale. A physically attractive woman dressed up all sexy approached me with a nice compliment on my appearance. She admired my posture and how well put together I was with my fashion sense. I had an idea what was most likely going to come next but I gave her a fair chance with me without projecting past women onto this one. Unfortunately she did proceed to do what most other women do. Her compliments might have been genuine but they were also meant to disarm me when she followed up with, “They make really good drinks here I would just love it if you bought us a drink.” To which I said, “I’m not drinking but I’m sure the bartender would be thrilled to sell you a drink if you want to buy one.”. The look on her face was the same one I always get in return when I say No to a woman. She was stunned. A deer in the headlights. She didn’t know what to say. Clearly she was not use to being said “no” to. Clearly she NEVER has to buy her own drink because their is an endless supply of lazy dopey brain dead men lacking the self worth or the standards to say “no” to a woman.
I’m attracted to women who are attracted to men who have standards and self worth. This is my backstop philosophy driving my decision to say “no” to a woman in this particular circumstance. If a woman is offended over my standards then she is not for me anyway so what do I care.
The EASIEST THING IN THE WORLD FOR A WOMAN TO GET IS A MAN (WITH NO STANDARDS).
Every woman knows I am dead on right whether they want to admit it out loud or not.
One of my ex female friends severed our friendship over that observation I made because she knows it’s dead on true and she hasn’t dealt with that reality in a healthy way but instead a history of being treated terribly by the men she has chosen. It’s self sabotage if you’re a woman.
The EASIEST THING IN THE WORLD FOR A WOMAN TO GET IS A MAN (WITH NO STANDARDS).
Look at that statement logically and the end game it leads to when you apply it. Women, If you go with a guy who has no standards or self worth it’s a toxic unhealthy relationship before it even gets started. Same thing with you MEN! If you’re a man and you get upset when you buy a woman a drink who ultimately does not have sex with or date you you’re being an idiot. Stop pissing in the pool. You’re swimming in your own piss. Stop being a jackass. The rest of us don’t want to swim in your piss pool either so STOP! ALL MEN, STOP!
The way to improve dating culture is for men to start saying “no” to women in the situations I described.
In an overwhelming generalization women dominate the dating scene. They decide who goes on a date and who has sex. A fair argument can be made that men decide who gets into a real relationship but that’s another topic for another day.
The power dynamic is so insanely one sided between men and women that men are better positioned to begin this leveling and healing process for everyone simply by saying “no” to women. If enough men do this, then the unhealthy part of womens egos everywhere would be destroyed. This would force the mind to become fertile for needed healing and for personal growth and development which makes all of us more attractive on a deeper more meaningful level. Once individuals have beautiful healthy connections with themselves they could develop beautiful healthy organic unforced connections with other human beings.
I have a great loving connection with myself. I can connect with other humans all day long. When I’m connecting with another human who is also well connected with themselves then that connection goes to a whole other level and that is sadly extremely rare which says a lot about how truly sick our culture is on a depressingly wide scale. This does not only apply to potential lovers, but friends and relationships of all kinds.
IF men would start to say “no” to women then women would no longer have the entitled mentality of never having to pay her own way and the domino affect of other unhealthy mindsets from there. Men would no longer be expected to feel ok about being treated like a human ATM machine. Men and women could focus on getting to know each other to see how it really feels deep down inside and be ok with recognizing mismatches without dehumanizing the other. Love and understanding could be the focus. Treating other humans as property of micro management could become a thing of the past. Unfair projections of past bad behavior on future connections could cease to exist. The frustrations of tip toeing around constant eggshells because god forbid someone decides to take offense will not be tolerated anymore! Gratitude, graciousness, PASSION, loveliness, deep romantic kissing with an amazing partner…sigh… That sounds better than the culture we have now.
Men, stop being wusses and start saying “no”. I don’t care what anyone says women want you to start saying “no”! Women find standards and self worth to be more attractive than constant ‘yes’ men. In the meantime you’re making it so easy for me to positively stand out but I would much rather feel a healthy culture. Out of my own self interest I’m tired of having to walk away from otherwise good women who have been traumatized and not at all ready for a healthy relationship. ALL OF US are sick and tired of being sick and tired. So MEN, stop being wusses and start saying “no”.
Here is something horrifying I want to share with you based on personal experiences. I have dated women before where she freaked out because she was not use to a man with standards and self worth. She was not use to being treated with love, passion, respect, not treated like human property, not placed on a pedestal, not a constant ‘yes’ man, encouraging of her dreams and ambitions etc. These particular women I’ve witnessed run from the potential of a healthy relationship only to go back to what she was familiar with. I’ve seen women leave good men to go back to the same ole some ole and get beaten, sometimes physically, as well as emotionally. Women, you’ve got to stop dating for the time being and heal yourselves so you’ll never allow yourselves to be treated like you are someones property ever again. You’ve got to stop looking for the endless pointless validation from men in the form of buying you stuff and praising you online every time you upload a sexy picture. Men, you’ve got to stop being wusses and start saying ‘no’. It’s time to clean up the piss from the pool.
If you have something you’d like to add, a story you’d like to share, a new commitment you’re making to yourself or a future partner, drop your words in the comments let’s learn from and support each other. Or if you just wanna tell me how great and healthy my skin looks that’s cool to who am I to say no to that!
Orgasmic pathways dot com is my website. Orgasmic pathways dot com. Choose your pathways. Bye for now. To be continued..
Share this! Hit the share button and put something out there that is out of the boring pointless ordinary. Your friends might appreciate you for waking them from the mindless monotony that everyone else is regurgitating.
A disagreement with a divine partner will turn into a conversation, that will lead to changed behavior or a solution.
It’s important you know the difference.
It’s a refreshing Rarity when I see a healthy relationship. The overwhelming majority of people are not attracted to healthy relationships, they are attracted to relationships that physically make them sick and emotionally drained.
It’s fun to share some of these odd interactions and get feedback from you beautiful people.
We were having a nice conversation about nature, outdoor activities, renewable energy and self-sufficient living. Then suddenly out of nowhere, bam! You can read it in the screenshot I captured here.
I’m speculating she has a past of men who have treated her terribly and sadly she’s not responding to her past in a healthy way going forward at this point.
I give it a 50/50 chance that she even read my response explaining why she might have been under the impression I have multiple profiles while in reality I just have just one. She may have no idea I responded. Or maybe she did read my response and deleted me anyway out of a disbelief. I have no idea.
If you have your own speculations or ideas you would like to add please feel free to chime in. I don’t need consoling or anything like that. I’m not upset by this. Just very curious to learn more about people in general.
I really love this framing of elevating rather than dating.
Would you keep date plans when there is a lack of enthusiasm?
I’ve cancelled dates before, never last minute, just simply for a lack of enthusiasm. If a woman is not as enthusiastic about dating me as I am her then I am out. I never ghost but I will politely communicate that I believe it’s a waste of time to go out on a date that is not met with enthusiasm.
There is value for me in feeling most alone when I’m around other people.
My innate curious nature causes me to observe everything when I’m not oblivious to everything.
I see how people treat each other and themselves. I see how people act in crowds and groups versus independently or in one on ones. I see how drastic Behavior changes when people are in groups or crowds. I see the facades. I see the authenticities. I see the regurgitated cliches and carbon copies. I see the original and creatives. I see the cringe. I see the beautiful. I see the many walls of protection. I see the almost non existent little sands that were once walls.
This is perhaps my favorite picture anyone has ever candidly taken of me. When my friend brought this picture to my attention I immediately saw myself as I feel when I’m in crowds or groups of people.
But still I go back for more just to see what happens this time. And the next time. And the next time after that. Once in a while a meaningful dialogue will happen. Sometimes even a worthwhile connection with another human.
People think I’m a happy social butterfly; always going out doing things and regular venue changes. Oh but I’m not! It’s my innate sense of curiosity driving me to embark on explorations to see what happens.
I can connect with people all day long because I am deeply connected to myself. When I am connecting with another human who is also deeply connected to themselves we have the potential to a whole new level of connection. Outside of those very rare occurrences I am isolated but acutely aware.
In my early twenties I made a promise to myself to honor being happily single. It didn’t require any effort. I was already intrinsically happy as a single man.
I have my own passions going on such as dance, music, nature-esque stuff, and eating chocolate bunnies (no sugar added 😉 ).
I perpetually deepen my connection within myself so I can not only be a more whole individual, but, attract a divine GODDESS. I am ready. Being single has been fun but I feel it’s time to move on with a goddess to co experience life with. I may actually get dolled up and go on a date to an authentic Thai place in lake geneva, who knows!
I heard someone say that the lottery is a tax against people who are not good at math. Lol I love that!
Coming across large sums of money shouldn’t be a mystery.
Why do you spend money?
Turn the mirror around and you’ll probably discover you spend money on whatever you recieve enough value from to make it worth it.
You spend money on things that solve a problem, provide convenience, make things easier, gives you education, an experience that feels good, etc.
So the answer to the question of how to make more money is you have to provide solutions to people’s problems.
Wishing for more money is not a solvable problem.
Citing your own personal struggles is not a solvable problem and won’t make you more money by itself.
Solving problems, creating convenience, making things easier is a solvable problem you can learn to solve through education.
I love investing in my education because the knowledge I consume I can then turn around and Leverage to make money by helping others solve problems.
The two main problems I specialize in helping people solve are money and health.
I help hungry people who want a better way to make money & live a more healthy chemical free life.
I help people make their job optional.
I made my job optional in February of 2010.
I’ve been there, I know the way, I can help you.
If you feel pulled by this, feel free to reach me via private message.
If I can help, I’ll help.
-Tom
P.s. If you’d like to work with me I don’t charge any fees I’m not going to sell you something you don’t want or need: http://workwithtom.fireyourboss.xyz
Have you enjoyed this? Was it helpful in breaking some circular thought patterns you might have been stuck in? Do you know anyone who could benefit from this? Sharing is caring. Share with friends and family.
Was this helpful? If so, I would greatly appreciate it if you commented and shared on Facebook and other Social Media, too. You might also enjoy Fire Your Boss & 31 Ways to Raise Money Now.
If you enjoyed my blog you might LOVE my YouTube video about changing one thing, the direction of your cash-flow, to change Everything:
Three and a half hours to kill until my car is ready for about $1,300 🙂
Beautiful weather today for this to happen. I mean seriously, if you’re going to experience a car breakdown let it be in PERFECT weather like today.
I walked about a half mile down the road from the car repair shop to this Japanese restaurant called “spicy tuna” where I’m sitting down to this delicious vegan meal.
I’m creating content for my business group, writing this fun blog, catching up with a few friends, and then onward down the road creating an adventure out of this.
I come to this super old pub and grill type place where all the windows are open and people are cheerful so I duck in for a short drink and some cheery conversation. Everyone there was so nice and talkative but NOT annoying. They were pure joy.
Why am I not worried about the financial hit? Why do I feel so free to enjoy myself? Why is the hit on my finances not hindering me financially or in any other way?
Before I got started on my new journey of a better way to make money & live a more healthy chemical free life this would have devastated me.
More than 80% of the country cannot afford a single thousand dollar emergency and I use to be in that percentile.
When a sudden expense hits like that it really hinders what you’re able to do in life and that creates stress and eventually real health problems.
A system slanted against workers can exercise more control over you when you have less options and more problems.
I help hungry people who want a better way to make money & live a more healthy chemical free life.
I’m extremely grateful I don’t have to work to pay for this $1,300 because I’m already covered thanks to my journey with residual and passive income I started in august of 2007.
Before I got started, this expense would have ruined me. So I know both sides of this coin. I know how to get out of that situation. I can help.
In fact, that’s what my private facebook group is about.
It’s about helping you make better money and living a healthy chemical free life that a job does not offer.
If you are interested in reading an article I wrote about online business with all the specifics to see if it speaks to you let me know I will send you my article link.
If you agree with what you read I’m happy to include you in my private facebook coaching group where each day you will find a small digestible training you CONSUME and accompanied with an action step for you to CREATE.
This is what’s going to help you create forward momentum.
-Tom
P.s. If you’d like to work with me I don’t charge any fees I’m not going to sell you something you don’t want or need: http://workwithtom.fireyourboss.xyz
Have you enjoyed this? Was it helpful in breaking some circular thought patterns you might have been stuck in? Do you know anyone who could benefit from this? Sharing is caring. Share with friends and family.
Was this helpful? If so, I would greatly appreciate it if you commented and shared on Facebook and other Social Media, too. You might also enjoy Fire Your Boss & 31 Ways to Raise Money Now.
If you enjoyed my blog you might LOVE my YouTube video about changing one thing, the direction of your cash-flow, to change Everything:
People are influenced by people who are getting better and better.
..and with each new thing you learn, or small victory you score, is something new you can teach or share.
But, this mantra of getting better and better isn’t an empty mantra! If you’re consuming training and then creating action each day then the mantra has life because it’s true!
I’m getting BETTER and BETTER as I CONSUME and CREATE so I have value I can share with my Audience on the DAILY.
This is conceptually how I built an online business on facebook for free and no longer need a job.
If you’re somebody that wants to utilize facebook without paying for anything extra, to build your audience, engage with your audience, and organically influence your audience..
..If you wanna come along that’s what we are doing.
I’m very upfront.
I don’t have big tech skills.
I don’t spend ANY money on advertising.
This is how I’m doing it for myself and my team.
Do you wanna see what I’m doing?
I have a private group on facebook.
Each day their is small digestible training you CONSUME and accompanied in each training is an action step for you to CREATE because this is what’s going to help you.
That’s where we come up with Consume AND Create.
Consume and create is the driver behind perpetual FORWARD momentum for your personal life and business life.
Consume and Create is what’s going to help you get Better and Better.
If you feel pulled by this feel free to reach out to me by private message.
If I can help, I’ll help.
#consumeandcreate
-Tom
P.s. If you’d like to work with me I don’t charge any fees I’m not going to sell you something you don’t want or need: http://workwithtom.fireyourboss.xyz
Have you enjoyed this? Was it helpful in breaking some circular thought patterns you might have been stuck in? Do you know anyone who could benefit from this? Sharing is caring. Share with friends and family.
Was this helpful? If so, I would greatly appreciate it if you commented and shared on Facebook and other Social Media, too. You might also enjoy Fire Your Boss & 31 Ways to Raise Money Now.
If you enjoyed my blog you might LOVE my YouTube video about changing one thing, the direction of your cash-flow, to change Everything:
People are “triggered” at other people who are triggered and neither side is aware they are participating in the same “circle jerk” of triggers.
Jack is triggered.
Jill is triggered because jack is triggered.
Now jack and jill are both super duper triggered that the other is triggered over the other being so triggered…and… Circle Jerk =)
The big question I have is this..
Who will “get off” first so we can move passed our current cultural phase of a trigger happy people clinging to safe spaces from each others micro aggressions???
Jack and Jill need to return to fetching pails of water…
OH wait that didn’t turn out so good either…
I’ll take jack breaking his crown, falling down, and jill tumbling after over being perpetually triggered any day =)
Maybe.. Just maybe…
We live in a trigger happy devolving culture because it’s made for a WONDERFULLY SUCCESSFUL Distraction.
Who would distract us? And from what???
You need to keep up your OBEDIENCE training.
Don’t get cute and start questioning why you are controlled and manipulated through money dependency to pay bills and eat!
Don’t start developing into a free thinking person on the FEVERISH SEARCH to become independently HEALTHY and WEALTHY!
They NEED you to defend your current source of income as Intelligent, safe, stable, and all of the other unforgivable egregious lies they’ve been selling you.
If you evolve into an independent free thinking human being it effs up their plans to keep you obedient because if you BREAK your obedience to what they’ve built for you to live inside of then you become difficult or IMPOSSIBLE to further control and manipulate through the dependency of money to pay your bills.
They lose their power to make you a sick hospital patient, a victim of soulless private health insurance companies, and a PhRMA customer if you dare break your chains they’ve given you to shackle yourself with.
As it turns out we are very easily distracted.
The distractions change but one thing that is consistent is we keep their status quo “business as usual” system in place so they can have more while You have less.
Todays distraction is… Let’s Trigger everyone!
I bet not even they who self protect their own interests imagined we’d run with the distraction they’ve given us and expand it into safe spaces, micro-aggressions, and doubling down on our own self destructive behaviors.
Feel free to Share =)
-Tom
P.s. If you’d like to work with me I don’t charge any fees I’m not going to sell you something you don’t want or need: http://workwithtom.fireyourboss.xyz
Have you enjoyed this? Was it helpful in breaking some circular thought patterns you might have been stuck in? Do you know anyone who could benefit from this? Sharing is caring. Share with friends and family.
Was this helpful? If so, I would greatly appreciate it if you commented and shared on Facebook and other Social Media, too. You might also enjoy Fire Your Boss & 31 Ways to Raise Money Now.
If you enjoyed my blog you might LOVE my YouTube video about changing one thing, the direction of your cash-flow, to change Everything:
No one quits because life got hard. That’s just the lie we sometimes sell ourselves to protect our ego from getting hurt…
Successful people are successful because they Never Gave Up. If “Life got too hard” was the real reason people quit then there would be Zero successful people because life gets Hard for EVERYONE.
The successful ones Never gave up and they constantly learn from their experiences.. That’s it.
The unsuccessful quit and didn’t learn anything.
This means there is no such thing as Failing because now Failing is just Feedback.
You either succeed or you Quit. That’s really all there is.
To Fail is to WIN because you never gave up. To quit is self protection and it never really works. Failing your way to the top of your personal mountain is to WIN.
Tom
-Tom
P.s. If you’d like to work with me I don’t charge any fees I’m not going to sell you something you don’t want or need: http://workwithtom.fireyourboss.xyz
Have you enjoyed this? Was it helpful in breaking some circular thought patterns you might have been stuck in? Do you know anyone who could benefit from this? Sharing is caring. Share with friends and family.
Was this helpful? If so, I would greatly appreciate it if you commented and shared on Facebook and other Social Media, too. You might also enjoy Fire Your Boss & 31 Ways to Raise Money Now.
If you enjoyed my blog you might LOVE my YouTube video about changing one thing, the direction of your cash-flow, to change Everything:
Success fuels passion more than passion fuels success.
To live a life full of meaning and value you don’t follow your passion, your passion follows you.
Passion is not a plan.
It’s a feeling and feelings change.
You don’t create your life first and then live it.
You create your life by LIVING it.
Bankers are trained to not loan to people who are following their passion.
Don’t wait.
Spend your energy solving your favorite problems.
Be useful and generous.
Passion is where your energy is there to meet anothers needs.
Passion lives in what you have to contribute.
The opposite of passion is waiting and procrastination.
If you’re passionate then prove it by taking action and allowing passion to follow you.
-Tom
P.s. If you’d like to work with me I don’t charge any fees I’m not going to sell you something you don’t want or need: http://workwithtom.fireyourboss.xyz
Have you enjoyed this? Was it helpful in breaking some circular thought patterns you might have been stuck in? Do you know anyone who could benefit from this? Sharing is caring. Share with friends and family.
Was this helpful? If so, I would greatly appreciate it if you commented and shared on Facebook and other Social Media, too. You might also enjoy Fire Your Boss & 31 Ways to Raise Money Now.
If you enjoyed my blog you might LOVE my YouTube video about changing one thing, the direction of your cash-flow, to change Everything:
