The weekends celebration of life memorial for my mom impacted me emotionally in a way that I didn’t see coming.

It was great to see family again. I loved that.

To have my mom pass away and then to go home and not have a family experience for a full year later is something else that I can’t explain. I did surprisingly well with that.

It was after the family event of my moms celebration of life that triggered me emotionally. It was the first time at a family event that neither my dad or mom was there with me and my brother. Combine that with the fact I went a full year after my moms passing without any family; it causes me to start crying again.

Every family event for the rest of my life will be without my parents with me. The next time I visit ST. Louis, where my parents are originally from, will be without them. It’s disorienting and painful to be at family events without my mom or dad.

Sadly I didn’t get the closure I wanted from my moms celebration of life memorial. It was far too short after being so alone for such a long period of time right after my moms passing.

I cry. I talk to my parents a lot especially over this past weekend and into the week so far.

I guess this is just something I have to process and work through now. Just like when my dad passed away almost 4 years ago and when my mom passed away a year ago I have to process this new string of emotions that has me wrought with sadness.

Man it hurts.

My moms passing isn’t going to consume my life and stop me from living, but, it hurts knowing I’ll never see her again.