Damn I have some vulnerabilities..
I am a fish out of water on and off the dance floor.
I love dancing with a partner but I have to force myself or I’ll never ask anyone to dance.
I put myself in social settings most nights of every week but it’s more comfortable for me to stay home.
“What the fuck was that?” I silently ask myself after dancing with my follows.
Once in a while I feel a rewarding connection with a follow but it’s only temporary. When I ask that same follow for a dance at the next social that connection is no longer there.
In social settings I rarely ever vibe so I just observe and redirect where I do vibe. I will change venues and locales without notice or communication until I vibe or until I would rather go home.
One on one interactions tend to be more meaningful with depth and clarity but those are temporary too.
Why do I perpetually put myself in these circumstances?
I want to grow, learn, expand my understanding, and most of all I genuinely love dancing and being in social settings even through feeling like a fish out of water.
My motivation is curiosity. “Let’s see what happens” is my backstop and my mantra. Do I want to ask this lady to dance? Let’s see what happens. Do I want to go to this social event? Let’s see what happens. I’m perfectly fine leaving anytime I wish and I often do.
Do I feel like I belong on planet earth?
No.
But, let’s see what happens.