I’m going to be vulnerable over my struggles to connect..

I’m going to be vulnerable knowing I’ll be gas lit by someone.

I’ve been forming this conclusion for a while. I think I’m pretty close and pretty sad over it.

When I go out social dancing I genuinely do have fun for myself; but only myself and the friends I might be with. I typically feel more alone in a crowd than I do when I’m by myself.

Ladies In the world, on the dance floors, the farmers markets, at the concerts, walking by me on the street, or attending the different socials I’m attending… I struggle with the most basic of connection; eye contact, a smile, or even noticing my existence.

I’m constantly attracted to ladies who are not attracted to me. They don’t even notice I exist. It stings. When I say attracted I mean their aura and how they carry themselves. I’ve always asked the universe, why am I attracted to ladies who do not notice I exist? I do not understand this setup. I’m not talking about a deep attraction, just the kind of attraction you have by her energy and how she carries herself. If her energy is attractive I am filled with a desire to get to know her and see what she’s about, if there is chemistry there, a deeper connection that can be mutually experienced and worth exploring together.

I’ve observed for a long time that guys treat girls very poorly; often times under a facade of someone desirable. Girls have put their guard up so high they don’t allow any kind of connection or eye contact with a guy. They are so use to being sexually objectified, hurt so badly, or just over all being treated so poorly that it just isn’t worth it anymore.

It’s so bad I feel like any time I’m in the presence of a girl who doesn’t know me by default I’m inherently enemy number one because I’m a man. So, I don’t dare approach any of them to say hello, to ask them to dance, or anything. How sad is that?

I see indications of this all the time. Not just offline but online too. Straight ladies are posting how they’d love to be privately messaged by other women than by men. They don’t even need to explain why, I know exactly why. It makes a little too much sense.

When I’m out social dancing, girls are typically dancing with other girls instead of guys unless they are with somebody like a boyfriend. Their are always those one or two guys on the dance floor trying to dance socially with other girls but none of them will have anything to do with the guy even if they aren’t doing anything inappropriate.

I’m not going to go out there and try to be social with other girls, ask them to dance, or do anything because I don’t want to put myself through that kind of rejection. I’m painfully consciously aware that through projection I am enemy number one because I’m a man and that is such a depressing conclusion. I would rather go out for myself, feel alone in a crowd, truly enjoy myself, and leave myself open to the possibility of a meaningful connection I could truly enjoy with someone else.

Both girls and boys are falling dangerously into self loathing and depression. There are a plethora of different companies measuring happiness in various societies around the world and the United States consistently ranks 1st or 2nd to dead last. Our rates of suicides seem to constantly hit new highs. There are many factors that go into these stats. The thesis of my post is certainly a contributing factor because everyone innately wants to give love and feel truly loved.

I don’t know what the solution is other than the obvious, we need to treat each other with more kindness, but that’s never going to happen. The question becomes, how does an individual person deal? As for me the broader scope solution is to enjoy myself regardless of how others behave and be open for possibilities.

I don’t have any answers for myself on finding a meaningful connection with a goddess. I’m already socially “off” and a little awkward. Couple that with the fact girls built walls of caution so high it’s made me enemy number 1 for the crime of being a man.

Society consists of people creating problems and then responding to their problems in the worst of ways. Society is so much of a turn off for me I want nothing to do with it except for the very remote possibility of meaningful connections of all kinds not just a romantic one. I’m sympathetic to the reasons girls have built walls of caution. Being cautious can literally save a persons life. But to build them so high they no longer resemble anything balanced is just creating more emotional pain for both boys and girls.

All of us need some healing. I recognize the valid caution girls have. My expressions in this post are just as valid. Understanding instead of gaslighting would be a nice start to a more kind and happier society.

I wonder?


Comments left on facebook up to sept. 24th..


Shana WankelYou have SUCH a good heart, Tom. I think you’re wonderful. Always have, always will. ?

Tom BirkenmeyerShana Wankel Thank you my friend ❤

Meg SkrypkunI know I try not to have those walls, but, my walls started long ago before I even started dating and they are truly a…bitch to chisel at.

Meg SkrypkunYou are a wonderful person in my eyes and I always hope the best for you.

Michele LynnI hear all this negative energy from you. Maybe that’s what others see. Your lack of confidence in you. Have belief in yourself. Belief in you is attractive to everyone. I was beating them off with a stick. Men, women and all ages. Be happy. Like yourself. Enjoy all you have to offer and people will be attracted to your energy.

Tom BirkenmeyerMichele Lynn The negative energy is objectivity in how I am observing societal trends. Thankfully I am extremely confident in myself that’s never been an issue. I love me. I’m just disgusted with society.

Michele LynnTom Birkenmeyer then what you put out is what you get. You put out that energy. Whatever energy you put out is what you get in return. No need for validation.

Michele LynnTom Birkenmeyer if your busy taking care of you and what you need, you don’t notice others. You love yourself so you don’t need others to notice it because you don’t care what others think. You love yourself. That’s the best advice from someone who would rather be by myself then to validate others insecurities. People love me because I sing, dance and enjoy myself. I laugh at myself and I help good people who help themselves.

Stacy WachalMichele Lynn Michele is right here. You may love yourself but the beliefs you described and thoughts you put out there from that description Tom is what’s keeping you from meeting that open woman. Because they feel what you described in your vibration or aura as you put it. So although your intention is a good one your thoughts are different. Work on your belief and thoughts and once you change those those woman will come a running. Remember energy goes where are thoughts go. Energy is your vibration and aura. Change those thoughts and beliefs through healing and your good to go. Have a great day.

Belinda HaynesI personally, think you have it all going for you. I’d say, I sense a balance from you. The things that make you different, awkward, are your strengths ? Next time, ask that woman you have an attraction to for that dance. There is absolutely nothing to lose, but, possibly something to gain. Rejection is tough, however, it’s truly their loss. You never know what could come of it. Hold that handsome head up.

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Tom BirkenmeyerBelinda Haynes I appreciate you have that view of me but I have zero sense of community on planet earth. I’m softly indirectly rejected on the daily.

Belinda HaynesTom Birkenmeyer To be honest, neither do I. I don’t connect with many ppl. Don’t get me wrong, I can talk to anyone, however, I don’t connect on a deeper level. And, that’s what I’m about. I think you’re on a deeper awareness level than most. That makes it difficult. I get it. Just know, there is nothing wrong with you. Hugs

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Stacy WachalTom Birkenmeyer this is normal for most awakened people who have come here to learn about ourselves. Once you start putting it out there you will slowly find your tribe Tom. I’ve been alone for most of my life. Learning that your number one and loving myself wholly. You’ve got this once your whole they will show up in your life.

Robin ParsonsMaybe your aura is reflecting all those thoughts thereby deflecting them.

Robin AngelI love smiling at and accepting compliments from men, enjoying their small provisions: opening the door, complimenting my dress, giving me a place in line ahead of them, recommending something etc….. This post is just a cue to do so even more. I love the glow that a man gets when a woman receives these things, that he would do anyway, because he is just naturally drawn to, but often gets ignored or looked at like he is weird. It doesn’t always need to be assumed that it’s going to lead to anything beyond the interaction, or that he “wants something”. It’s simple respect ..I’d respond this way to a father, brother , or friend xx More simple masculine/feminine kindness out there among strangers!

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Tom BirkenmeyerRobin Angel you’re a goddess. I love your openness and self given freedom to just be; to give and receive. You give me a lil bit of hope. Where are the goddesses in my neck of the woods who share your driving philosophies??

Robin AngelTom Birkenmeyer Maybe some of them are simply unaware of how to communicate in a Feminine way. They feel they need to defend, be on guard, figure it out and lead men instead of feel, open, receive, and be led. A lack of strong loving dominant men in who made it safe for them to do so. I don’t know if this is fact, just speculation xx

Tom BirkenmeyerRobin Angel you could be on to something. I love how deep thinking and deep feeling you are. I resonate with that because that’s how my brain feels.

Kaitlin OwenTom Birkenmeyer this post ?


Areya DivyanaYou are awesome, so please don’t take offense when I say- something in your energy (thoughts, beliefs, words) is vibing out to attract people that aren’t quite aligned. Maybe focus on a little more self mind healing. Go within. When things flow in the way your describing, the universe is usually trying to nudge you to go within and do some inner work of some sort. Kind of like a dark night of the soul a little. Caution is healthy but only enough to where it makes the other person actually put in effort and get to know the person, not be totally repellant.Have you considered relocating?You’ll figure it out and eventually attract someone better than you could have imagined.

Tom BirkenmeyerAreya Divyana That’s excellent advice. You are a well of great ideas worth exploring. I’ve thought about relocating after enough traveling of discovery. If I were to travel to a place where I felt more community, I could see myself moving.

Areya DivyanaTom Birkenmeyer the community here in Nw Arkansas is amazing. We are blessed to have a very supportive tribe. Nice music scene in Fayetteville. I just moved here a year and a half ago. There’s extended community in Missouri also. Amazing naturey spots. Also in a little know crystal vortex. Plenty of mining downstate.

Michelle ReneeI know at least one woman who looked in your eyes and smiled a real smile…

Tom BirkenmeyerMichelle Renee You have me standing at correction ❤

Michelle StewartI have the same issue only with all the wrong men

Tom BirkenmeyerMichelle Stewart I feel your pain or frustration.

Michelle StewartYou’re an awesome guy Tom! Don’t ever change

Jennifer Renee GordonNot sure who it was, but there was a guy who went out every day and purposely looked for rejection. It was silly- like going to a fast food place and asking for 1/2 off or Starbucks and asking for 1/2 off knowing that there was no way they would say yes. It got him used to hearing no and not being afraid of rejection.As for society, I agree with you on people being anti-social in social settings. Too much time spent with their heads in their phones. They don’t know how to interact with real people in front of them. You have a very strong, beautiful, deep personality – (I have not met you in person) – and I think shallow people are afraid when they see you. They are probably lost inside their own heads and don’t know what to do with you. I also recommend getting out there and trying different things and places. When I was in Delaware, it was much different than out here in Arizona.Wish you all the best. Thanks for sharing this.

Tom BirkenmeyerJennifer Renee Gordon I remember hearing those stories too about people going for ‘no’. All kinds of psychological benefits to that. Thank you for adding your comment jennifer.

Kristen MaryOk, I totally and completely understand what you are feeling. But just because women don’t seem interested doesn’t mean you are correct. I think a lot of women are done chasing men and we want to be pursued again. We want a man that takes initiative and plans a date. No one ever wants to feel rejected but how is someone to know you are interested if you don’t approach? So, I think maybe going in without the intention of a date maybe just be friendly and make new friends and go from there. You never know. I don’t date anymore but I’m not jaded or guarded I just enjoy my own peace and not really wanting to right now. I will make new friends and that’s all. It takes pressure off.

Tom BirkenmeyerKristen Mary I agree. The mind set of making new friends is the way to go and just let a romantic connection happens if one is meant to be.

Kristen MaryTom Birkenmeyer yes! When we were young I think connections happened fast because there was no baggage to unpack but as a 55 yo I have lots and so do the men I meet. It has to be more purposeful and takes time to get to know someone anc the convection grows!

Tom BirkenmeyerKristen Mary “When we were young I think connections happened fast because there was no baggage to unpack”I never thought about it that way before. I am 100% that is a huge contributing factor.

Jayne FisherKristen Mary yes so true about no baggage back then now I’m 55 divorced for while , it’s different most comes with lot baggage I don’t want to deal with ??

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Kyla McCallHonestly, I have more male friends than female friends. I believe I am cautious, but I have found men treat me more kindly than women ever have. Yet, I too, have fallen into the trap of being socially awkward & realizing the men I want don’t want me in return. I know how to love, but I don’t how to be loved, as no one ever has ever loved me — all the while seeing men dating the most vicious women who treat them so badly.I don’t know if anything I say will do any good, but what you’re doing is pretty much all you can do. Just live for yourself. Love yourself. And be happy for yourself. Trust me, I know sometimes that is easier said than done. Sorry I don’t have any words of wisdom.

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Stacy WachalKyla McCall key words in this lovely comment to me are. We as woman struggle at knowing how to receive love and allow ourselves to be loved. What a wonderful reminder thank you.

Pamela WeberTom Birkenmeyer I hear you. You are a wonderful person. I’m not saying you should change yourself. Be you. However in dancing specifically (because I have been out dancing with you), showing more confidence is something that people generally like…men and women. And confidence is a positive trait. In Latin dancing specifically, speaking for myself (however other women would probably agree), whether you know what you’re doing or not, ask for that dance, with confidence. Women are generally gentle saying no when social Latin dancing. And men don’t generally get offended by that.

Sherry WestphalAwe think most kind people feel that way

Tom BirkenmeyerSherry Westphal I think you’re right. We’ve created a society to foster that unfortunately.

Sherry WestphalTom Birkenmeyer always be with people you love and trust and respect your heart grows ♥️

Sherry WestphalTom Birkenmeyer there is so much beauty in life

Tom BirkenmeyerSherry Westphal some of the beauty where I get to live

May be an image of one or more people and body of water

Sherry WestphalTom Birkenmeyer good for you it’s in the heart ❤️

Jodi PaigeI find this confession and the setting of dancing in a bar very interesting because i met my bff, business partner and twin flame on the dance floor in Las Vegas at the Sand Dollar. We’re housemates now after having a solid friendship and working relationship for almost 3 years. I was mesmerized by the way they danced; uninhibited original creative pure freedom, like i did and hence we connected …we’re 35 years apart and yet act like teenagers and feel like family. It was just as you describe; energy, interest, engagement and it’s the most unusual relationship I have. There was no male/female energy exchanged. It’s classic twin flame. The highest chakra. Rare. So rare. You’ve been so patient….I think you’re still on the right track and yes, I agree with your observations; people are in a lot of pain lately and we’re pummeled with propaganda of fear and hate to keep us divided. You’re so radically individual ~ and that’s highly attractive ~ to those that know …

Tom BirkenmeyerJodi Paige that is so beautiful and reading your words really resonated with me. You’re one of the few people on my facebook that I know In person. I miss you!

Jodi PaigeTom Birkenmeyer

Deborah ArakiThe times I have met you and spent some time, I didn’t think you were awkward at all, I thought you were awesome! Still do! ❤️❤️❤️

Tom BirkenmeyerDeborah Araki sometimes it just depends on the person I’m with ❤ You pulled out of me someone who is not off or awkward.

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Deborah ArakiTom Birkenmeyer well, I thought and still think, you are fun and easy to be with!! Too bad I’m 25 years older..

Tom BirkenmeyerDeborah Araki my mind is blown you are 25 years older

Deborah ArakiTom Birkenmeyer omg.. just turned 70! Freaked me out!

Carolyn ClapperDeeming oneself as “enemy number one” seems like a projection. I can’t imagine anyone thinking of you in that way. Assuming that most or all of any gender is one way seems self defeating and self fulfilling.Perhaps try and live in the moment, with no expectations… just be. You’re an amazing human, and have great energy and magnetism. It will happen!Women should be cautious or aware to a degree around men they don’t know. It doesn’t mean they’re damaged or guarded. It just means they’re aware that sometimes seemingly good men are capable of doing bad things. Especially in venues like bars or clubs etc. They’re maybe just being smart.That said, know that when you’re out at places like this, as opposed to meeting a woman through another friend at a dinner party or gathering etc, they may not be as willing and ready to warm up, open up, or be relaxed and inviting. I smile at everyone, and toss out compliments like they’re Halloween candy. Lol… but that’s rare. And I don’t give two shits if people think I’m weird, or gay, or naive, or whatever. That’s on them. When I man is a gentleman to me, I love it! I smile and thank him. It makes my day! I raised my son to be that type of human. To open doors for women and be warm and kind and thoughtful. Many women just adore him and love how thoughtful he is. It’s beautiful to see.Just keep being you, and straighten that unicorn horn, and get back out there!


Tom BirkenmeyerCarolyn Clapper oh if you only knew. P.S. I wrote you back july 12th and 24th.

Carolyn ClapperTom Birkenmeyer so… you’re suggesting I don’t? … and yes, I’m currently backed up on messenger and emails. So sorry. I’ll get back asap ?I had some major doctors appointments this month, and these past 2 weeks I’ve been hyper focused on my dog who is dying. There were several nights of zero sleep due to her coughing and crying, unable to get her into the vet for a few days. I felt she had lung cancer and a secondary infection. Xrays confirmed. A large tumor in her lung that’s pushing on her trachea, and fever. She’s been on antibiotics now for a week and had improved so much. All raw food for her, and so so much spoiling and cuddle time.Anyways… this is why I’ve been mia. Keep your chin up ✨?

Tom BirkenmeyerCarolyn Clapper I’m sending your dog some healing vibrations and some rest and rejuvenation for you. I sincerely hope your dog and your family is going to be okay. My messages will be waiting for you for when the time is right for you.

Rachel RavenI dont know why this is happening in your life.Im sorry. I do think this is a very difficult place to meet and bond with people .I’m not sure why.I don’t think it’s a crime to feel awkward or any spectrum of the human experience. It’s all beautiful in a way .I think sometimes we are forced to dive into layers of how we really connect romantically versus what we fantasize about. It takes courage. Anyways , you deserve it and I know it’s out there for you. Just keep developing your heart .Its is so painful sometimes I understand. .

Heather FordYour entire post is dead on-It’s sad- but I believe true.

Tom BirkenmeyerHeather Ford simple but true. Hey check your messages.

Akash AnuWe must heal ourselves from the inside out to be in alignment & an energetic match to what we desire. This is how we act as a magnet for what we truly desire. After experiencing this first hand, I’m grateful to help others experience this as well. I’d be happy to help with an infinite alchemy session if it resonates to work with me. Sending you so much love my friend! ?????

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Kimberly MillerI’ve never succeeded at connections, so I couldn’t even begin to guess how to get past the bs. It is sad that things are the way they are and that mistreatment, or at the very least, disappointment, is so common that the walls go up in the first place.

Tom BirkenmeyerKimberly Miller in an unrelated matter you are one of my longest running friends on planet Earth and I think that’s pretty awesomeHeather? ❤

Kimberly MillerTom Birkenmeyer same!

Jen BialeckiTbh I am honestly shocked you are still single ? You’ve always been one of the most radiant and positive people I know even when going through some very dark times…that’s the sort of thing that people should be attracted to and admire. And from the times we’ve hung out, you didn’t strike me as awkward at all and certainly not creepy or like you have shallow motives toward females. You’re far more respectful than the average male. I don’t know….maybe it is a self esteem thing with the women you’re attracted to? It does seem like that old saying “Nice guys finish last” is true, sadly….look how many women end up with toxic douchebags who use, abuse and take them for granted and think it’s an honor to be with someone like that? Maybe the problem is so many people (both male and female) have chased after trash for so long that they have convinced themselves that genuine, compatible people either don’t exist or would never be interested in them (even when that is not true). I haven’t had much success with attraction, either…can sympathize with a lot of this, being that I’m on the unique side, myself. I can tell you though what has helped me to is focus on myself…both working on my issues (we all have them, it’s normal) and just doing what makes ME happy and isn’t destructive behavior, of course LOL Do what makes you happy…channel your loneliness and unhappiness into things that do make you happy. You’re not alone; there’s women who feel this way, too and like minds will find a way to each other eventually. As far as believing all guys are a certain way, I don’t think so….I’ve always felt more comfortable opening up and being around males rather than females. I’ve certainly wasted time on my fair share of loser guys LOL But I know some real gems, too (including you!) and that gives me hope to believe in!

Melissa ClineIf you were in Atlanta I’d come and dance with you ?.

Kathy Meyer KomaterWell Tom your post makes me want to give you a big hug & a kiss on the cheek. I can’t justify or understand the women who react to you in such a negative way. To me you are very special. Besides being physically attractive you are very kind & intelligent. Saturday I went to Moosefest & danced my butt off. Unfortunately it grew back. I’m a dance instigator gently encouraging everyone to dance. I have these 2 silky scarves I dance with & share with people. Girls will just dance with complete abandon. Most guys will just stand & move a little bit so I’ll go next to them & smile & match their moves. Your points are totally valid. Many of us have been hurt so many times that it’s hard to have a deep trusting connection. Several years ago I met a lady online. She lives in Canada. We never met in person. We used to video dance together almost every day. I had never been attracted to a woman before but we fell in love. After about 3 years of being together she ghosted me. I had no idea why. I mean yeah we had some arguments some times. She occasionally caused unnecessary drama with me. After the ghosting I still reached out to her several times. I was like it’s ok if you don’t want me in your life. But please let me know if you are ok. She never responded to me. That’s when I decided to become a celibate monk. I’ll admit I do sometimes miss the intimacy with a human. But I just don’t want to be hurt again. Instead I give love & kindness to everyone I meet. Unfortunately sometimes I accidentally mislead people & I have to say…. I’m sorry. I don’t date. But Tom you are such a wonderful special guy. Somewhere out there is someone who is also special & wonderful. I’m going to pray that this person comes into your life very soon because you deserve to be loved completely.

Jaitara JaydeTom, thank you for this share. I feel you. I see you. If you’d be open to a Zoom call, I’d love to have a private conversation with you about this. I feel I could help. DM me if this appeals to you. ??

Christine GalassoYou’re a really good dancer and you smile, I’m sure that Can be very intimidating for some women.

Jamie Louise WolfMUAHHHH ?

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Lisa RemmickI thought you loved me ?? lol ?

Jennifer Gammons MujicaI appreciate your openness, Tom. I also sit perplexed— because I have never noticed any of the qualities you mention. We’ve lunched, dined, hiked, shopped with my kids (who are grown up now! ☺️)….and it flowed so easily. Hmmm so what does that mean?

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Stephanie Pannell((((( hugs )))))Dearest Gorgeous Tom,I see you. I feel you. I love you!Inspired sharing with love, some of my personal prayers:“In this very moment I am willing to drop all stories keeping me connected to the past experiences of limitation. I am now willing to release everything and anything either known or unknown to me that is keeping me separate from that which I desire. I release and drop all experiences of separateness and powerlessness now.I am willing to disconnect from collective consciousness and move into Holy Spirit communion, Expanded Consciousness, and Divine Sovereignty.I forgive myself for hurting me for so long. I choose to nurture, appreciate and Love myself. I remember to listen to what my body tells me.I remember to love and honor myself, and have a deep sense of Self-worth; so I am able to truly love and honor others, and others are then able to reflect back to me in the most beautiful ways, this love I feel and have for myself.I remember that as a Divine Being in human form, I Am worthy of all the love, beauty, joy, peace and abundance of this universe. I focus only on what I want.It is safe for me to allow the Holy Spirit within me to further activate the Divine genome within my DNA for the liberation of humanity through my remembrance and embodiment of my own Sovereign Divinity.I choose to remember to walk in the Sun of my own Divine Love in every moment.I Am Shining My Light and Living my successful Legacy of Love that is assisting in the ascension to Christ Consciousness of humanity.”When I first awaken in the morning, my prayers are:“Holy Spirit within me, take charge of my DNA, thoughts, words, actions, energy, health, vibrations and life: Be You the Guide, and I the follower. Go ahead of me this day and prepare The Way for grounding Heavenly solutions and realities on Earth, beyond my efforting or understanding. “May the infinite connections and combinations of LIGHT be a blessing unto all creation – through me – in the Name of YHWH.” ~modified KEY 318:86 from The Keys of Enoch


Caroline VrbaYou are perfect as you are. ?

Dawn Delouise BanksAlthough we believe we are evolved as a species we are still very primitive. At the end of the day it’s about survival 1st procreation 2nd.So either they have a wall of protection or they are subconsciously saving themselves for what they believe wil… See more

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Dawn Delouise BanksTo be honest that’s not where you find people to have deep conversations..

Theresa LePre RiveraWell said

Maryann CarlsonSo energetically like likes like…you are the magnet of what you are recievingStay possitive and open and everything you would like in a woman and she will appear. The universe works that way.

Val WardI’ve always had the same issue. Men that I am attracted to aren’t attracted to me and vice versa . Daddy issues maybe ?

Tracy LynnEverything is dead on true here that you said. Also, recognize, that you are very deep and not many women want or can handle that. Let alone do they understand it. It’s people in general. Tom, some of us are just different and it is so hard to find people who understand or connect. Let alone put up with people like us lmao. Also, you’re extremely (and amazingly) sexual and I’d be terrified to let you down if that makes sense. That part would be very intimidating to me. Also, you’re a very healthy person and that is intimidating too to some who aren’t. The lifestyle I mean…of having a healthy body and healthy eating, working out, etc…Do you remember when everything just dominoed in the beer fridge and I started pouring out sweat lol. Look for the people that sweat your energy….if that makes sense. Because they’re able to feel and connect with your energy. Sometimes your eyes might not always be open either.

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Jody PogorzelskiA lot of what you say resonates a lot. My son and I had a similar conversation this weekend. He mirrors much of what you say here. In an age of online communication and blurred lines, interpersonal communication has gone to the wayside. Both sides are playing it safe. Most spend their time chatting online rather than face to face or even by phone. I’ve lost count the amount of times a guy will say he wants to get to know me, yet will not call to have an actual conversation with me. Messaging is not the same. It’s talking at someone rather than with someone. Everyone has some kind of guard up. It takes people like us to take our guards down and give others a safe space to take theirs down too. I think you’ve done that right here. Stay open! ?

Erica StillerJody Pogorzelski you, have literally hit the spot on that! People aren’t connecting in a physical way. Besides work, and normal daily things, we should make time for fun, get out and explore. Have an adult conversation, instead of text or voicemails. I… See more

Roseann DavisMaybe ur going wrong kind of places .I think not everyone is like that.you need diffrent places to go.i find where I go both genders are nice people .try diffrent type of people diffrent place .think that will do it.

Winter CantagalloIt’s from your mother and or father wounds (which causes you to express certain patterns and attract certain patterns) If you heal those you’ll have a totally different experience when you go out!

Winter CantagalloAlso try salsa dancing where the socials are by culture and in general open snd friendly.

Kelly Ragen-PeaseWinter Cantagallo yaz! We should go!!!

Brea ZiembaHonestly tom, I think ur ONE OF THEE MOST INCREDIBLE PEOPLE TO EXIST!!! I understand u struggle with socializing, but no one ever improved on something by not trying/practicing. Take me for example, bc I can only speak for myself, but I initiated conversation with u bc I’m social yes, but brave also & intuitive.It’s my opinion a mate for u mite need those qualities. I’m not insinuating me, but DONT GET IT TWISTED! I’d hem u up in a heartbeat. Lol. People fear what they don’t knw & not knowing u is something they should fear ? Sent with love & genuinity.

Leanora HalePopping in to say I read all the comments. I wont go towards the things that bugged me about this post instead i will sayRemember yesterday when I said you are being called to travel ? It’s time my friend✨

Nicole LacinaYou are a sweetheart. You are kind, talented and handsome. Maybe you are onto something. There are times, after giving men a chance, that they behaved mind/soul-blowingly poorly. Maybe these women are afraid to be hurt. I have blamed myself (law of attraction stuff – ‘what am I doing that I keep attracting jerks?’). Maybe that is wrong thinking. Maybe it us as simple as that old song ‘You Can’t Hurry Love!??’ All I know is thar you are not alone. Hang in there.

Tammy RuggaberI hope no one gaslit you. That would be horrible. Hugs n

Tom BirkenmeyerI’m pleasantly amazed. I was ready for it but nobody has gas lit me. All of the comments have been thoughtful, wonderful, and dare I say even a little validating with some pleasant philosophical ideas.

Dawn Delouise BanksTom Birkenmeyer The good news is that the world is a candy store.. we are not all the same .

Tom BirkenmeyerDawn Delouise Banks you’re right. Just give it time and eventually you will see that one sour ball candy that nobody wants to taste and it will be free entertainment for me as long as I don’t put it in my mouth:-)

Dawn Delouise BanksTom Birkenmeyer yesss .. think about the symbol we grew up with

May be an image of text that says 'DANGER POISON'

Dawn Delouise BanksSometimes you don’t even want the entertainment

Lindsay StinerTom Birkenmeyer I would snatch you up in a heartbeat. I’ve known you online for quite a while now. And I’m still shocked that no one sees you like I do. You’re absolutely kind caring thoughtful maybe a little old school but I think it’s adorable. You’re adventurous entertaining energetic beautiful you care about your health and Thoes around you. For me you are everything I would ever want in a man. Our distance is far but maybe when the time is right ❤️? who knows. Love you always my dear sweet friend. Dance your ass off for me. Fyi you got a great ass lol ??

Kate ShannonYour presence is noticed and appreciated ?

Tom BirkenmeyerKate Shannon thank you. Hey so far I have perfect two year in a row attendance at your Beach Fair art show! There was one band I really enjoyed this year. I think they were called hyperia or something like that? Another person I really enjoyed was a yo… See more

Kate ShannonThanks so much for coming ??? I am trying to plan another event more of a gallery style soon! And Yes, Hypheria , they are amazing! They played some shows in Milwaukee and Green Bay this weekend ! I’ll try to organize more shows for them in Kenosha and keep you posted or you can follow them via the link! I like the psych /Indie / rock !And Em Bahn plays many shows too. If you want to follow more from her! I love that she incorporates her experiences in nature in her music.

Tom BirkenmeyerKate Shannon oh cool! Yes she is the one I’m so glad you knew who I was talking about ?

Chandra CherryberryWe don’t know each other well but you’ve always seemed like a great person with a great heart. Try putting it out there that the women at the events you go to are drawn to you. Not in a sexual way just a get to know you way. Get out there, take a risk. Even if women are a guarded you can still be out there and be yourself. Women throughout history have been hurt by men. It’s not a new thing. But you’re not those men. So it might start off awkward. Once a woman sees who you are they’ll love you. Also you say the women you are usually attracted to. Well you may need to step outside of your comfort zone amd talk to women who may not initially catch your eye. Be more open to whatever may happen and just be you

Angie SaundersI think I’m in the category that it’s just not worth it anymore… at my age. I enjoy our conversations and I wished you lived closer. You’re an amazing guy and I mean that. ❤️

Frances LaughsTom, you’re learning to dance and great at it. Just ask and don’t worry about rejection. Take lessons where they teach the men to take the lead, it’s part of dancing that many men don’t get… Also, from experience it difficult to connect with toxic people. They drink soda, alcohol, HFCS and sucralose on a daily basis. Don’t bother trying to make eye contact with them because it’s painful and a connection won’t happen. Plus, so many wear toxic fragrances they are difficult to be near. Or maybe that’s just me. But I’m beginning to turn men down for dances who wear cologne for my own health.

Tom BirkenmeyerFrances Laughs funny you say that about fragrances. I stopped wearing chemical based stuff probably at least a decade and a half ago. Most people will at least mildly question what goes into their mouth but it’s also worthwhile to question anything that can be absorbed into the skin and breathed through the air. Once you do that you start to make better choices about all kinds of things we put on our bodies and in our environment.

Angie SaundersTom Birkenmeyer I recently discovered Henry Rose perfume…. Look it up

Pamela WeberTom Birkenmeyer there are natural fragrances. Nothing better than dancing with a man that smells good.?

Maryam LorenaFirst of all, I want to thank you for sharing your raw authenticity. I find that’s one of the things that make a man very attractive. I believe real fearlessness is the product of tenderness. It comes from letting the world tickle your heart, your raw and beautiful heart. You are willing to open up, without resistance or shyness, and face the world. You are willing to share your heart with others. Loneliness is okay. In fact, it’s the feeling of our beautiful raw vulnerable heart, finally open. Don’t close. Because we can’t get rid of loneliness. We can only open it up to sunshine and healing fresh air.So don’t take the sadness personally, you didn’t do anything wrong. It’ll be okay. It really will. Just breathe. Love yourself. And if you insist on seeking external happiness, seek to root that happiness in your heart.True happiness is maitri. Love and infinite blessings to you dear one.

Jackie EllaI go out dancing and have fun weather it with a group of people or myself I just get lost in the music people are just strange these days Tom. There’s nothing wrong with you at all.when guys come and dance with me in a group it becomes fun remember it’s all for fun life’s short so do what you please.?❤️

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Lisa RenéeThis is a great opening up for women to see what men face. I am certain, you are not alone. We women feel very similar, atleast, I do. I feel very much like humans today view relatio ships in a very disposable way. Fast gratification and no soul. It is saddening. DM me for more chats on this Tom. We always had good vibes!

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Stevie ReddickTom…..I could give you a long, wordy response, but I think the best thing you can do is, if you see a girl you are into, just simply say “hi, my name is Tom….I think you’re cool, would you ever like to hang out?” I’ve never met you in person, but from what I’ve seen, you don’t have a creepy/threatening vibe. Just try, the worst they can say is no.

Karen L. Close… And when people do say no, that speaks more of them than about you. Try to remember that!

Beth GilletteThose of us who have spent some time with you know you are an intelligent, sensitive, talented, caring person. I had the chance to observe you during a moment of your attraction for another woman (not “girl,” words matter. Give some thought as to why you often use the words “boys & girls”). My observation of you and the situation was a bit different than your perceptions described here in such a situation. I got the idea that you are attracted to the unavailable. That can be a habit, a self fulfilling prophecy. And a safe, predictable but painful place to exist. My take on your situation is that this pattern you’re experiencing is an invitation for you to do the work to get to your deeply rooted and deeply felt social awkwardness. What is really underneath this feeling and belief? When you finally see and address this I believe this will all change for you.This energy can enter the room before you do, if you know what I mean. It’s not you… but it proceeds you, and with a purpose, for you to work through and genuinely conquer the feelings you just shared. I promise you your world is meant to break wide open up. Sit with these questions for a while and allow them to guide you to your answers. You have so much to offer. I see your world opening up in a big way.

Tom BirkenmeyerBeth Gillette thank you! Hey I am so curious, when you saw me attracted to another woman in person what did You observe of me? LOL I honestly don’t remember that but it was a few years ago.

Julie Ann WalvatneTom… You are such an amazing man…I feel blessed to know you personally. You are so very special… and for some women that’s intimidating just as it is for some men by special women. Unfortunately, it’s sad they don’t take a chance in life… they are missing out on getting to know someone like you! Thank you for always being true to who you are and for always treating me so special! Love you 4ever ????

Carolena Elizabeth HollifieldI think you’re amazing. It’s rare to find someone like you. Most people follow the herd. I didn’t know just how much until Covid hit. There is someone out there for you. You are a rare gem, therefor you’re going to find a rare gem. Just put it out there and it will come to you. Unique souls instinctively know unique souls. Sending you loads of love. I too have felt the same when I was single. I’m now married to someone who is so different than me, that it can actually be lonely in itself at times. Don’t settle, you’re an amazing catch. ♥️

Tanya S. BrownThank you for sharing your feelings and posting a very mindful and well thought out post. May we all heal one day from our silent battles with ourselves and the world. ❤️❤️❤️

Bonnie HuntsingerWell-said, Tanya.

Karen L. CloseKeep doing you, people distance because we are getting through a pandemic, not because you are undesirable. I do not like touching during dancing, esp. with strangers at a gathering, and have a group of dancing friends male and female, that meet at events. I recommend you try to stop thinking of yourself as the public enemy number one, people can read that on you… besides, now you’re stereotyping women, assuming that’s what they are thinking. You are a human among humans and relating positively through doing your thing and living your life, will definitely attract... be open to having it happen in a little different way than you expect. Judgment and expectation out the window… The best attractions happen when you least expect it, not when you’re looking for it!

Linda EngelmannKaren L. Close you definitely hit it on the nail for Tom!

Linda EngelmannI honestly feel you Tom Birkenmeyer I thoroughly understand your side I feel your feelings. I wish I was your age cause you definitely will not be feeling like that maybe next life. ?❤❤❤❤❤❤

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Tanya Boulieu❤ U

Risa Karen GottliebCome back to Bristol! Great place to meet free spirits.

Tom BirkenmeyerRisa Karen Gottlieb I went three times this year I didn’t meet any free spirits.

Lisa FeilDidn’t read the whole post. A lot. Just give the same aura you’re looking for and don’t think I’m dancing and they are with friends. You may be giving vibe you’re looking if that makes sense

Inanna AsherahTom I can honestly say your one of the loveliest man I’ve ever had the fortune to meet ,your funny, charming always uplifting,light as air but also earthy and very attractive I know that the right woman is here for you and your wrong about the world not changing it is, everyday, in a very amazing spiritual way , sometimes it is better to be alone for the right reasons than with someone for the wrong ones, I’m also very alone where I am my daughter is with someone so appalling so horrible I can’t see her ! don’t ever really go out and I don’t want any man than isn’t completely like me ,so I stay single until he arrives ,I know our true loves are just around the corner,I know it!!! And I’d rather cry myself to sleep every night looking out my window waiting And I do knowing the next one will be worthy of me your vibe is extremely high and theirs perhaps not so, not for you if they don’t see it not your problem theirs,if I lived in your town we would be firm friends I love you very much as do alot of people obviously your a great man and I know the divine love you very much also?❤️? see you on the other side my beautiful friend, I know it’s coming I just know it lots of love as always and big hugs you are a rockstar ⭐❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️????????♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️????

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Amanda RetzlaffEverything said here was 100% valid, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with how you express your thoughts or carry a conversation from the few times we’ve chatted , It should always be the vibe you get from someone rather than the automatic view most people have of men or women , I as a person with extreme social anxiety tend to be more standoffish in terms of interacting with a person I haven’t yet met especially if I’m just randomly approached in public , but I don’t automatically label someone off of my own past or personal experiences good or bad , I just try to make quick friendly conversation and if the vibe is right the conversation will flow naturally as will new friendships I think , if it’s right it’ll be right if not let it be , never force an interaction with someone who’s not ready ?even friends I’ve known personally for years understand that we all have the right times to be approachable and the right times that we need a people break untill the social interaction energy is restored lol

Kenzie StossHey you don’t have to fit a social norm. You be yourself. Your a unique individual and you should embrace that. Also let friends or a relationship come to you. Let friendships happen naturally. These should never be forced

Kenzie StossI never met you in person but you seam very approachable.

Ashleigh LaBossiereTo be wronged is nothing, unless you continue to remember it. -ConfuciusI say this out of kindness and desire for your success & well-being. You’ve definitely been treated wrongly, likely countless times, and you’re carrying “it” around with you in each new encounter. That energy that you’re carrying speaks louder to someone than the actual words you’re saying. Ask the universe “how to let this energy go?” It may be energy healing. It may be grounding/earthing & meditation. It may be screaming out all of your wounds and then after all the energy is expended making the conscious choice to say “I let this go, I am no longer carrying these wounds from my past”. It may be a subtle letting go over time, or it may be instantaneous. It doesn’t matter how you let it go, the important thing is that you let it go. That wounded energy is the reason you’re not finding your community and/or your mate. And while you may be positive about yourself, the negative thoughts you have about society are showing through as negative energy. And you receive what you put put into the world. Allow yourself to truly let go of all previous encounters, and be 100% present in the moment (to be present in the moment means to not be thinking of the past nor expectations of the future). Allow each new encounter to be truly “fresh” (not tainted with remembrance of previous encounters). But as a side note, as someone else mentioned, truly put all your focus into BEing the right person, not finding the right person. For some reason this just unlocks the secret law of the universe. The universe will say, “Okay, he’s ready”. But this will only happen once you’ve truly surrendered “finding someone”. When you’re constantly looking for someone it puts out a desperate energy. When you stop looking, you’ll naturally put out a confident at-ease energy, because you don’t “need” anyone, you are no longer needy. And THAT kind of confidence attracts many. But this ONLY comes when you truly surrender your desire to find someone. The universe knows when you “fake surrender” it. haha Much love & light to you friend. You are on your way right now! ✨

Ashleigh LaBossiereI hope my message only comes across as sincere. It takes a very self-aware and spiritually grounded person to do what I’m suggesting, but I totally think you are that person. ✨

Kristin Rose KellyI’d say go for it Tom..nothing to fear but fear itself.. You see the one you want to dance with ask her.. You are very caring and considerate to wonder these thoughts. Always be yourself no apologies ???

Andrea NobleWelcome, friend, to the existence that is neurodivergency. You’re not alone.

J Thorunn LarssonYou sound like my husband. He told me before he knew me he was lied to and gas lit. He said he given up and that is why when we met he was thrilled and told me he was in love with me for a long time and now the rest is history.

Cindy ElizabethHoping that you’re ok, I read this and was a bit surprised but we all have our own personal feelings toward ourselves, but on the outside I feel you’ve accomplished so much and that should be celebrated! Now, our thoughts (in any situation) really are very powerful and I firmly believe that changing our thought process and the power of positivity really makes a tremendous difference in how ppl see us, well me. I’m no where near perfect and would like to dm you at some point about a few things but how we feel about ourselves and really work on ourselves, trying to be the best version of ourselves… ppl tend to be drawn to that. ????

Brigid SteeleGreat insights. We all need healing. You are a wonderful young man. You should be cherished!Reply3w

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