We want to love, to be loved, and have no reservations about that and absolutely zero manipulation, hidden agendas and motives.

Even people with a facade of darkness, I want to see their light no matter how dark their shell they’ve put on to try and protect themselves.

I’m just allowing myself to feel how I feel. No guilt. All my pain just comes from missing my dad and knowing I’ll never see him again the way I’m use to seeing him. I honestly can’t wait to see him again after I pass but without discounting life here on earth. That’s really important too, life here on earth. My dad worked hard and faithful so that my mom, my little brother, and I could have a wonderful life. I’m honoring that.

A friend said to me, “If you can allow feeling his or her soul closer to you rather than his or her body at this time it may help.” That resonated with me.

My dads passing has been the most devastating experience in my life I’ve never cried so intensely or as frequent. I need a loving support network in my friends and family.

For my 40th birthday I just wanted my dad and my mom and little brother. And I got them just a few months ago when I turned forty. It was one of my dreams and it happened. But sadly the last of my birthdays for my father. I think no matter when it happens, young or old, it’s a traumatic experiences that changes you forever. It certainly has changed me forever. I honestly want to be just as good of a supporting loving friend as I love for people to be in my life, too.

I love you friends. Feel free to share this if think you have friends who’d maybe need to read something like this.

I love you,

Tom