“Tom! You dance with all those gorgeous ladies in the videos you post and you’ve got so much going for you how are you still single? Why are you not dating any of those gorgeous ladies in the videos you’re dancing with???”
I’m commonly asked this very valid question and I have a really great answer.
The studio I go to for most of my dance lessons is a tight community. They are friendly and welcoming to new people. This is special because communities that are tight are typically not as accepting and welcoming of people outside of their already existing community. This context is needed for my answer.
There are three reasons I haven’t dated anyone in the dance community. In no particular order..
- I want to keep the dance community a safe sanctuary type of place. For obvious reasons dating can cause awkward and uncomfortable situations in an area where we are all dancing with each other and often times very up close in our personal spaces. Some of the partner combos we rotate through with each other are very sensual with lots of body connection points. There is chest to chest contact, hip to hip contact, tracing of the arms in a sensual demeanor etc. If someones heart gets broken it can make it extremely difficult to heal from in an environment like this. It would flat out suck if someone has to decide between dance or healing if they cannot be done simultaneously. It could also create gossip, people talking behind each others backs, and people taking sides and splintering off from the community that was once whole.
- Over the past 10 months I have had several surface level crushes. Some of them I might even take some risk and ask out on a date if not for the rationale I just gave. I’ve received some indications from some of the ladies but nothing strong enough to warrant asking any of them out. In that particular safe environment I need a woman to send me strong indicators that she would be enthusiastic about me asking her out or I’m not going to do it, period.
- I’ve never been asked out! That’s pretty straight forward. It would be great if more girls did the initiating and the asking but unfortunately in our culture most of the time it’s up to the man. If I’m enthusiastically interested in the woman asking me out I’m going to enthusiastically say yes. This is all true in and outside of the dance community.
In summation, I want to do my part in keeping the dance community a safe environment for everyone who is passionate about dancing. However, if there is a strong enough connection with a woman, I am a romantic, I will absolutely ask her out on a real date and she will be one exceedingly happy lady being invited into my exciting life that I’ve built on purpose. There is no doubt!
I hope you got some great insight into the workings of my brain. Not just in direct answer to the posed question but some of my driving philosophies in dating and in romance at large.
Feel free to share this and I would love your feedback in the comments. Am a taking the right precautions in your opinion given the nature of the dance environment I described? Would you ask someone out less cautiously than me? Would you be even more cautious than me even if you’re really interested in someone and you are getting indicators from them as well? How would you operate here? I would love to know. Maybe your method of operation will help me fine tune mine or others reading in the comments as well. My favorite positive about the comments section is it’s always an opportunity for people to help and support each other.
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Bye for now!