I’ve learned that sometimes it’s better to be opposite. You don’t have to be similar in everything. In fact, having a lover with different strengths can create a beautifully balanced relationship that parallels the beauty found in harmonies that exist in musical melodies.
Take neuroticism, for example. If my lover is a high neurotic person, she is excellent at “what if” scenarios and preventing problems from happening. She will think through all the potentials, worry a lot, and always have a backup plan to a backup plan to a backup plan. This means she rarely ever has a crisis or a problem but may be stressed out a lot.
On the other hand, low neurotic people are great in a crisis. If I am low neurotic, I’m the calm, level-headed one. I’m the rock that provides a safe grounding for someone going through something stressful. Having a low neurotic lover can be a lifesaver during anxious moments.
I’ve experienced that having both high and low neuroticism in a relationship can be incredibly beneficial. If you have someone preventing a crisis and someone who shines in a crisis, you’re covered. But if you’re both low neurotics, you might find yourselves in trouble – like accumulating financial debt because neither of you is proactive enough about preventing problems.
The key is understanding the mechanics of your differences and leveraging them for your strengths. I’ve learned to pick my traits carefully and communicate openly with my lover, absent of any self-protective armor, about what I need. Even just a small sliver of self-protective armor can sadly sabotage and do a disservice to myself and my lover. If I have a romantic partner and she’s feeling worried or nervous, she can talk through it with me because I’m calm and grounding for her. I won’t get upset or impatient with her. If she were to go to another high neurotic person, they might just make her more anxious! But with me, she finds grounding, safety, and peace.
The beauty of differences can make a loving relationship incredibly resilient. By embracing our unique qualities and learning to support each other, something truly special and emotionally intelligent can be built. So don’t be afraid of differences in relationships. With understanding, communication, a little patience, and the removal of all self-protective armor, you can turn your contrasts into strengths and build a love that lasts.