I have a confession that makes doctors scratch their heads and probably makes my health insurance company want to hug me (if they’re not denying claims): I only get sick once every 15 years. Like some sort of discount-bin superhero whose only power is disappointing viruses.
Trust me, I’m not bragging. Being mysteriously healthy is actually pretty awkward. When others are swapping war stories about their latest flu battles, I’m just standing there like, “Well, I had a sneeze in 2009…” It’s the conversational equivalent of bringing a spork to a knife fight.
The last time I got properly sick was during Obama’s first term. Before that? I think the Spice Girls were still together. My immune system is either incredibly efficient or just really, really lazy – like a security guard who’s so intimidating that no one even tries to break in anymore.
But here’s where it gets interesting (and by interesting, I mean the kind of interesting that makes scientists raise one eyebrow in that way scientists do): I’ve been drinking this superfood shake every morning for longer than I can remember. You know the type – one of those green concoctions that looks like something you’d find in a swamp but promises the nutritional equivalent of a small farm.
Now, I’m not saying this shake is the reason I’m practically immortal(ish). That would be like claiming my lucky socks are responsible for, luck. But…
Yet here I am, potentially thanks to what I affectionately call my “swamp juice.” The shake that launched a thousand confused conversations with my doctor.
“But what about that time you felt really sick?” you might ask. Oh, you mean The Great Illness of 2010? When I finally succumbed to what normal people call a “common cold,” but what I experienced as if the universe itself was ending? See, when you’re not used to being sick, getting sick becomes an EVENT. Capital letters necessary.
I spent three days wrapped in blankets like a burrito, sending dramatic texts to everyone I knew: “If I don’t make it, delete my browser history.” I treated that cold like it was my own personal apocalypse. My friends, used to their regular seasonal battles with illness, had zero sympathy. “Welcome to being human,” they said, rolling their eyes so hard I could hear it through the phone.
The vulnerability kicks in when I admit that maybe, just maybe, I’m a little superstitious about my daily shake ritual now. Missing a day makes me feel like I’m tempting fate, like those people in horror movies who say “I’ll be right back” (spoiler: they never come back).
Is it the shake? Is it genetic luck? Is it because I accidentally crossed paths with a health wizard in 1995 who blessed me with eternal wellness? The truth is, I don’t know. But every morning, I stand in my kitchen, looking at this glass of green stuff that resembles something from a sci-fi movie, and think, “Well, it hasn’t failed me yet.”
And maybe that’s the real secret – not the superfood shake itself, but the fact that for a few minutes every morning, I do something purely because I believe it’s good for me. In a world where we’re constantly bombarded with health advice that changes faster than I change my socks (which is regularly, thank you very much), there’s something comforting about sticking to one weird, green constant.
So here’s to another 15 years of suspicious health, to confused doctors, and to my loyal swamp juice. May it continue to ward off whatever it’s been warding off, and may I never have to learn what actual sick people do with all those different cold medicines.
Just don’t ask me what’s in the shake. Some mysteries are better left unsolved – like why cats purr, or how they get the caramel in the Caramilk bar, or why I’m knocking on wood while writing this entire piece.
So, there you have it—the tale of my almost mythical health journey, fueled by a green elixir that might just be the unsung hero of my immune system’s success story. If you’re curious about this mysterious potion and want to join me on the path of suspiciously good health, don’t be shy. Drop a comment below or slide into my DMs for the lowdown on my superfood shake. Who knows? It might be the start of your own legendary tale of wellness. Let’s toast to fewer sick days and more green glasses of goodness!