I recently had an eye-opening experience in a dance class that I naturally thought of parallels for in how we approach intimate relationships. The teacher taught us about the five connections we must internalize as dancers, in order of priority. The number one priority is the connection you have with yourself. This self-connection is the foundation upon which all else is built. It’s about being fully present in your own body, aware of your breath, and centered in your power.

The next priority is your connection to the floor. This represents your grounding and stability. Just as a tree must have deep roots to weather life’s storms, we must feel secure and supported to move through the world with grace and confidence.

After that is your connection with your partner. This is about trust, communication, and harmony. When both partners are in sync, the dance becomes a beautiful, seamless co-created expression of unity.

The fourth connection is with the music. This is where emotion and passion intensifies. The music is the heart and soul of the dance, and surrendering to its rhythm allows us to express our deepest feelings and connect with something greater than ourselves.

The final, and lowest priority, is the actual dance moves themselves. This may seem shocking, as most dance classes focus predominantly on mastering the steps. But without the first four connections, the moves are empty and lackluster. They are the outer expression, the physical manifestation of the deeper connections.

This prioritization of connections has profound parallels in our romantic and intimate relationships. A healthy relationship requires, first and foremost, a deep connection with ourselves. We must know and love ourselves in order to fully open to another. Next is our connection to the earth, our sense of grounding and well-being. Then comes our connection with our lover, built on trust, open communication, and harmony. After that is our connection with the external environment, our community and the world around us. And lastly, the activities we do together, the outward expressions of our love.

When we prioritize these connections, the activities we do together become infused with meaning and joy. If I’m in love with a woman, I’ll cherish every moment with her, no matter what we’re doing. Whether we’re cooking dinner, taking a walk, literally dancing, co-creating music, making love, traveling, or simply sitting together in silence, I’ll be fully present and engaged. Our reciprocating emotional passion will make every experience a dance of love and connection. And, if I happen to be in a loving relationship with an intimate partner who also is an actual dance, then we can share in this paralleled dance both literally and figurative together.

-Tom